u/B_ThePathetic

Even turning to the sky I see it dotted with you

All children of this universe, Created from stardust We are celestial bodies Amid a galactic sea

I cannot help but be drawn to a brightness, to which I am devoted

Yours, my brilliant North Star

​

I might have figured out what let to me having binging tendencies and episodes after restricting for so long;

1. The actual restriction: long-term restriction let to my body wanting to accumulate as much food as possible

2. Friendship breakup/emotional eating: my ex friend basically stranger-zoning me over nothing fucked with my emotions a lot which let to do anything to find some kind of comfort and less caring overall

3. Comments: comments about my body for being underweight and ppl around me insisting on making me eat got to me after a while.. they made me feel so uncomfortable

4. All or nothing mindset: if I has a little bit of a bad food it was over. I feel like a fat fuck and I look like it, I should just eat it all atp

5. Lack of groceries: my family only buys processed shit and I have no access to healthy stuff unless I buy it myself(I have to ask to go buy groceries for myself and I feel so guilty for doing so every week)

6. Guilt: i feel guilt for using cutlery, bowls and plates + gas too I feel like I don't deserve to feed myself well. My mother keeps berating me for not cleaning after myself (washing dishes, doing laundry, making my bed, cleaning my room etc..) which I literally don't have the energy to do anymore.

I used to have the energy to at least cook myself a proper meal but after being scolded so many times for not doing the dishes I stopped using them since I clearly don't deserve them anyway if I can't wash them myself...(I KNOW ITS MY OWN DAMN FAULT K.)

I think there might be more reasons but I can't think of them right now..

I want to go back to eating normally but i don't know what to do anymore