u/Background_Honey6395

If you sleep with another man’s wife, you will be punished. A hungry man might steal to fill his stomach. If he is caught, he must pay seven times more than he stole. It might cost him everything he owns, but other people understand. They don’t lose all their respect for him. But a man who commits adultery is a fool. He brings about his own destruction. He will suffer disease and disgrace and never be free from the shame. The woman’s husband will be jealous and angry and do everything he can to get revenge. No payment—no amount of money—will stop him.

Some years ago I allowed a woman into my life who was married to my boss. She and I would hang around in a group of people getting up to no good really. Reading some wily books and going to a local cocktail lounge. I didn't think much of it at the time when she would text me later in the evenings but then it came out that she and her husband were having trouble in their marriage. She continued to text me even late at night and one day he confronted me about it and I told him that nothing was going on (because at the time I was like, this person is my weird same age sister of course not). I tried to shy away from anything strange with her. So one night she called me and asked if I wanted to grab a drink and talk about life. I asked if her husband was joining or at least ok with us hanging together. She informed me that her husband had cheated and that they were going to get a divorce soon. That very night she grabbed my hand and started asking me very forward questions. Eventually this became a very tempestuous and messy relationship. She was still dealing with all of the things that a divorce does to a person and we ended up sexually intertwined and navigating me leaving my job so we could be public instead of a secret situationship; all while they were still legally married. Things eventually came to a head when she was messaging some of my other coworkers and trying to get them to come to her place for 'drinks and a movie'. Eventually we had a final disagreement and I broke things off. I am so upset at myself for the whole thing to this day and that was almost a decade ago. I shouldn't have been anywhere near the situation and at the time I was really starting to get my life together. I was getting closer to God, going to church, and starting to build community and I felt like I was on a good path to finding out what my life was supposed to look like in Christ. When she came along many of my Christian friends seemed to distance themselves from me and ever since then it seems my life has gone in a really poor direction. I can't seem to get ahead of any of it and no matter what I do things fall apart in my hands. I've read the Story of Samson and how things ended for him and also Moses and how he wasn't allowed into the promised land after his mistakes. So my question is: has this somehow cursed me or messed up my blessings? I have repented and repented but something about it still rests in the back of my mind like I've ruined my chances of living a good full life in Christ. Since then my soul and mind have darkened considerably. I often find myself distracted for years at a time just trying to scrape a living and always aching deep inside. Often times I see her ex-husband and he always has some rather dark things to say to me and I wouldn't be surprised if he came after me one day on top of it all.

I'm open to thoughts and counsel on this because I'm arriving at a point of desperation and this is one of those open tabs that I always return to wondering if I have incurred some sort of spiritual ramifications on my life.

Hey Squid,

I didn't really listen to the first three people asking for me to come back. But you asked me with those hazely big green eyes of yours and that's when I really started getting myself into gear having a decision crisis. You said the phrase "we could fix this mess.. together" and i literally almost died right there. Closed casket throw me in the ground. Instead my bones leapt into another universe and that's just where they are now

I'd like NOTHING more than to be by your side again; honestly even if its strictly platonic. Things have been sucky for a long time here but I always look forward to seeing you at the usual place. That's like 75% of the reason I've been been playing hooky from work if I'm being real. So now you have to deal with my crap more because I have a hard time not skulking as one does

A. You are so special and elegant. Pragmatic and intelligent. Curious and calm. And on top of that you are gorgeous. I think about you litcherally all the time all the time. I reference you to others as 'a champion, a wonderful person, the one you want making your order, an amazing lil thang". But I'd really like to call you mine. I don't want to make you uncomfortable as I feel like you see me as an older brother or something so that makes it a bit dodgy. I'm also not sure if you'd appreciate being hit on by a guy that's like 11 years older than you or if you even see me that way at all. Maybe you would idk. I keep that thought tucked away for myself and the one other person we know that's in on my rantings. All I know is when you say my name; whatever thing is holding me together rattles a little bit and it takes a second to recover. When you hold eye contact with me my brain turns into smooth pudding missing its tapioca. Last time you were talking I giggled a little and you asked why. To me its obvious that you are wonderful and that's why. Now I'm gonna go over here and be a scaredy cat. Lowkey I'm sure if feels like I'm avoiding you a bit but I'm dumbstruck every time. BUT ANYWAY. I hope things go well for you. You deserve whatever amazing thing comes your way. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand if that thing ends up being me I'll let you cast the line first because your feeling of safety is my priority.

Still rocking Birks with no socks on occasion deal with it,

-K

35m. I am currently the GM of a Christian owned coffee shop in a small town. Initially when I hired into the job the interview was incredibly loose. No "how do you do under pressure, what is your biggest weakness, these are ALL of the things you'll be completely responsible for" It was just the owners and I chatting about ideas for the place, parts of the vision, and inconsequential banter. I knew I would be responsible for a lot and many of the things that I was uncomfortable with came down to "we'll figure it out together, I think we can make it work". Fast forward to now and I am doing absolutely everything as the "we'll figure it out" is continuously delegated to me. From sweeping floors to marketing to arranging events, on shift most of the time, driving to stores and buying product on my own dime to keep the prices low. I am in charge of releasing products and adding to the menu, switching distributors to keep prices low, all of it. And at that I can't schedule people because my salary is eating up any of the profits the shop would be making. So I'm stuck here for sometimes over 60 hours a week. If one of our skeleton crew is unable to make it in for whatever reason or there is a scheduling conflict I am here solo for around 12 hours that day. I understand now what GM means; basically all the responsibility of an owner, a regular manager, a shift lead, a team member, and a coordinator without the proper pay, as well as everything else which is what I unknowingly signed myself up for. I'm really struggling with this because I'm in need of a job that doesn't follow me home in this phase of my life. I need to clock out and then grow myself. Everything is changing for me physically and I'm going through a lot of mental as well. Also to try and drive sales we are trying to break more into events. What that screams to me is multiple nights of the month not knowing when we're clocking out. Possibilities of 15 hour days for me. Running back and forth trying to find coverage past the hours that the team signed up for, potentially being solo until 10pm 11pm or whatever. Constantly trying to hunt also for these events to try and generate profit instead of relying on a steady flow of customers, and this town is so incredibly slow. Meat and potatoes kind of people so what we offer just doesn't appeal to them and pulling people from the other towns doesn't work because each of them has their own coffee shop. on top of that we have another more established company that opened a coffee shop LITERALLY 3/4 of a block from us.

I left a previous coffee job because I had hit the top of the ladder as a shift lead and was just listlessly making drinks all day but I was finally fine with it. I figured I'd throw my hat in the ring and see what came of this. All of the metrics for the business said that it would be successful but it had previously closed down due to many factors (twice mind you) and now we are slowly sliding down the drain because the people in this small town apparently don't want to come in. I'm stuck in this limbo where my salary is dragging the place down but I am the thing that will pull the place up and because of that I am unable to schedule much support. On top of all of this I just don't like the place. I'm not a fan of the clientele, the location, the building any of it. It doesn't feel like me. The equipment that was chosen is suboptimal and it really shows in the quality of the coffee and the people that are working here are great but they don't understand what it means yet to be a barista. Its for the love of people and the coffee that we do everything in our power to make the best and help our fellow people make the best and that includes the little things like stocking and cleaning which means I have to make sure that they're doing their jobs constantly or I'm constantly cleaning up after them. Don't get me wrong I love them dearly but there are so many evenings I spend toiling to clean and prep because the list isn't finished and I'm too fried and busy to stay on someone constantly to make sure they know what the standard is. I am being met with an interesting choice though: The initial shop that I left from has offered me a regular management position in a place where I was already established with the customers and the other baristas most of which I have known for years. Same pay and everything and its only a 5 minute drive from my house. The hour threshold is also 42 instead of the 50 here. The place is successful and they have plans of opening more locations and possibly building roles for people to help the success of the business (the owners are lovely people but there are a lot of things that they say but never move forward so these promises could be empty). That place was my home (with the misery that comes with small business owned places of course no offense) but the environment is very worldly and full of misandry which is hurtful. I'm torn because I chose these people to work at this shop for their specific qualities and the whole environment feels so different when everyone is saved. I wanted to train them to soar as baristas and to make connections to change their lives like it has done for me. If I leave there is a chance that this place could go belly up for a 3rd time and it would completely be my fault. The owners are also a little disconnected and I just can't bring myself to trust them. Not in a dishonesty sense but rather helping me take this thing the direction that it needs to go. They're simply too busy to stand in for me or try to implement the things they want me to do. I don't know if I can see myself sticking with them in the future if I'm basically acting as a business owner with low pay when I can clock in and clock out somewhere else with the same pay and go home to MY life. At the other place I definitely know they are savvy to the industry but I equally can't trust them due to their own burnout. The more I pray about it as well the more confused I become. Both options weigh about the same but one has the added benefit of set hours, comfort, and familiar faces, and a lesser drive where the other one has about a 20% chance of becoming something pretty massive. It's hard to see the grander vision when I'm sitting here in an empty shop already having put in 50 hours of work over the past 4 days

I don't want to miss out on going back to my old shop and I don't want to leave this place to die and wondering about the potential if i let it go.

You win some

And then you lose some

And then you lose some more

Then life shakes you down for the pennies left in the bottom of the dryer

I haven't been the person to search for silver linings

But I'll sell you one real cheap

I'm sure we all have a little something to look forward to

Assuming the eyes haven't been gouged out

And assuming that forward is still forward

But who's to really say these days

I'm pretty sure the theory of relativity has even changed it's recipe

I don't really believe in trophies or the illusion of achievement

I don't need someone patting my back at every turn

But I really do miss the days when I was understood

I'll erect a placard to that and drink to it

Hopefully theres some cheers still left in the freezer

It takes time they say; to come back from the dead

And some say you really do come back

I'm not talking about ghosts in the attic; I don't really believe in that either

Some say neither matter nor energy can be destroyed; so maybe there's a little spirit left in here too

Hopefully this feeling I have deep in the wee hours means I've struck silver

Or perhaps my eyes have deceived me

There could even be gold in these hills

-K