The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then he said, "We have reached your destination."
The 1st guy gave him money, and the 2nd guy said, "Thank you."
The 3rd guy slapped the driver.
The driver was shocked, thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did.
But then he asked, "What was that for?"
The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
Today is National Ketchup Day!
Studies show that 100% of people who put ketchup on food eventually run out of ketchup.
Go out and enjoy some tomato jelly today.
At least that's what I heard through the wall.
Face muscles.
Because he couldn't see that well.
The doctor thinks for a moment and says:
“Have you tried taking the spoon out of the mug first?”
Nothing. It just let out a little wine. 🍷
“Can I have a cheeseburger and fries?”
The librarian whispers, “Sir, this is a library.”
The man nods and whispers back,
“Sorry. Can I have a cheeseburger and fries?” 🍔🍟
Trying to make it to 10 subs on my newsletter, any tips on getting subs? Any support is appreciated!!
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game.
The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa.
" Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question.
"What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn."
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer.
He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.
The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
And you thought blondes were dumb.
It wasn't. Its a bucket.
This is my mascot for Bad Jokes Monthly.... what should his name be?
Thanks for reading here's a joke:
What did the refrigerator say after telling a joke?
"Tough crowd. I thought that would land cooler."
^^^Thats how I feel about my jokes sometimes
SUPPLIES!!!!
🎉🎉🎉🥳🎊🥳🎊
A man gets into a taxi at the airport.
As they're driving, he taps the driver on the shoulder to ask a question.
The driver screams, swerves across three lanes, jumps a curb, narrowly misses a tree, and slams on the brakes.
After a long silence the passenger says, “I am so sorry. I barely touched your shoulder.”
The driver takes a deep breath.
“No, that's my fault. Today is my first day driving a taxi.”
The passenger says, “Really?”
The driver says,
“yeah. I use to drive a hearse"
A guy walks into a stable and says, “I want to rent a horse.”
The owner says, “This horse is special. He only responds to phrases.”
“How does it work?”
“To make him go, say: ‘Thank goodness.’ To make him stop, say: ‘Amen.’”
The man gets on and says, “Thank goodness!”
The horse takes off.
Soon he's racing toward a cliff.
Panicking, he yells, “STOP! HALT! WHOA!”
Nothing.
The cliff gets closer.
Then at the last second he remembers:
“AMEN!”
The horse stops inches from the edge.
The man wipes his forehead and says,
“Thank goodness.”
Does anyone feel like emailed joke newsletters is worth the money?
Like would you pay for a newsletter of jokes every month or is that just silly?
Im trying to gage if my side business idea is even worth it.
A guy applies for a job and the manager says, “We’re looking for someone responsible.”
The guy says, “Perfect. At my last job, whenever something went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
A guy walks into a pet store and says, “I want to buy a talking centipede.”
The owner says, “You’re in luck,” and hands him a tiny box with a little centipede inside.
The guy takes it home and decides to test it out.
He says, “Hey, centipede, want to go to the bar with me?”
No answer.
He asks again, louder: “Hey! Want to go get a drink?”
Still nothing.
Now he’s annoyed. He leans right up to the box and yells:
“DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE BAR OR NOT?!”
From inside the box, the centipede says:
“I heard you the first time. I’m putting on my shoes.”
A man walked into a library and asked, “Do you have any books on paranoia?”
The librarian whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
But now I use my hands
Lol