u/Badgersage

Is what it says on the tin! I had an on again/off again connection with a dude who never really reciprocated shit fully. It took me a WHILE to get over him, and he’s still in my orbit/friend group. I’ve found myself wanting his attention/validation again, but still he barely cares/reciprocates.

Why did I form this attachment to someone who doesn’t treat me well? Even when he gave me more attention in the beginning I was aware that he wasn’t reciprocating the way I was. He’s just an average dude guy, it’s not like he’s breathtaking or anything. It’s very confusing, I don’t wanna feel this way, and I don’t wanna be disrespectful to myself.

I’ve worked at this place for two years now. My yearly raise was 1.8%, which would be like 40 more bucks a month for me. It just seems so low for someone who “meets and often exceeds expectations.”

What is a typical raise for y’all? What fields do you work in? I love where I’m at and my coworkers, but my pay and interfering higher ups might just be the straw that breaks the camels back.

I love my boyfriend very much. He’s very funny, actively participates/shows interest in the things I enjoy, and he remembers my likes and dislikes. I show him these same things.

We were stuck in situationship hell for a while, he had bad experiences in his past (haven’t we all though). We’ve been going on dates for 2 years, “official” for 8 months. We’ve both acknowledged that we basically became official earlier than that just w/out the title. I will say I’ve seen growth and work on his mental issues within the two years I’ve known him.

My issue is thusly: He comes from money. He doesn’t pay for rent, his car, his food, etc. He has a taste for finer things. He was unemployed for about a year after he got his bachelors, now has a part time job. He doesn’t really care if he sticks to the schedule, shows up on time, etc. They have been very permissive with him there. He complains about not wanting to work often, that he might take a break once this job is done. He asks if I would think differently of him if he didn’t hold a full time job down or if he went on disability.

He definitely struggles with ADHD/Autism. I was there myself in my early 20s, I thought I would never be able to hold down a full time job because I was stupid. I didn’t want to work, but I HAD to. So I put in a lot of self work to grow the work ethic I have now. I am proud of my growth and hard work. Both me and his best friend believe him to be capable of such things. He just REFUSES to be uncomfortable.

Mind you I’m no saint. I am stuck in my routines to a fault - even if it does more harm than good. I am generally messy and disorganized. I struggle with repeating tasks I can NEVER fully check off my to-do list (perpetual dishes, laundry, etc).

I wouldn’t mind being the majority of household income, but in this economy? He’ll have to get used to basic shit real quick. My job also barely pays for my shit studio and I’m considering going back to school part time. Even if for some reason his parents till pay for everything I want someone with a work ethic similar to mine. If he worked he would understand the value of money and understand why I’m so tired at the end of the day, why sometimes my space isn’t as clean as his.

He’s made jokes about his insecurities around making money. It makes him feel bad but he seems stuck, like he won’t try to do anything to differ his situation. He’s stuck on “the world shouldn’t be this way” instead of “it is and what can I do to survive.”

We seem to be at very different points in our lives even if we’re similar ages. Im struggling to be empathetic when he expresses he feels burnt out. Truth be told im envious of his freedom and time to take care of himself.

After two(ish) years of dating I’d like to test the waters of something more serious. I’d like to have a sit down convo w/him about these things, I just don’t know how to initiate/navigate it.

TLDR; My BF has a different tolerance for work than I do, how do I navigate that.