u/Banana-Upload

My SO and I have been together for about 2 years. Early on in the relationship I asked about porn. I mentioned that if he watched it then I needed to know bc then I wouldn’t expect anything serious from him.

He kept watching and after having a second conversation about it he apologised for not taking me seriously and said he’d stop. He was watching videos and pictures of other women on Instagram. He ended up deleting IG and said he didn’t need it anymore. I found out later he still watched on Reddit, and recently on X (twitter)

We make our own videos for him to watch but he still looks at porn. I don’t understand. I thought having our own personal videos would be enough but he keeps watching other women.

Do I need to get out of my head and accept that it’s normal? I thought most men watched porn bc they didn’t have anything else to watch but wouldn’t if they did. He keeps saying he just wants me but I can’t help but feel that I’m not enough if he’s still searching for porn when we have our own. He says he watches when he’s bored or doom scrolling and something pops up. It makes me not want to have sex with him anymore.

I (29, F) have been seeing this guy (31, M) for about two months and we've had sex like 4-5 times and it is great. Trouble is that I don't orgasm easily, I've never orgasmed from PIV, even if I add toys or other form or clit stimulation. The only thing that has consistently worked for me is oral sex and even that can take some time (like 10-15 minutes) and sometimes I just don't get there.

Now the problem is that this new guy I've been seeing has put it into his mind that he can make me come from penetration. The sex I have with him is amazing, I'm enjoying it a lot but the second time we had sex he asked me the question I've heard many times before: so it's not exactly easy to make you come right? So I told him that PIV doesn't usually work for me and that oral does. Now he tried oral on me only once for a few minutes and then said his tongue was hurting so I told him to stop.

And now each time we have sex he's like analyzing my face and then telling me that it seemed to him like I was close to which I always say that I wasn't and I tried to tell him that many women can't actually climax this way and he's always like oh, give me a month!

I tried talking to him, I said that this puts a lot of pressure on me and that I'm okay with not getting there. He also told me he once had a fwb and it was the best sex of his life because he wasn't in his head so much so I told him he doesn't need to be so hard on himself, that I'd like him to enjoy it as he did with his fwb and he said oh but that was different cause she came really fast and like multiple times before I did.

And now I feel terrible that men just can't enjoy sex as much with me because I don't orgasm easily and I feel defective and he's otherwise lovely and the sex is great but now I just feel like I don't even wanna do it anymore. So women, is this normal that I can only orgasm through oral? And men, can you enjoy sex even when your partner doesn't orgasm through no fault of yours?

I haven't dated in 4 years. I prefer to meet potential partners in person. I have only had bad experiences with dating apps. I never get approached... like ever. Maybe twice in my entire life at social events. I've always been told I am pretty, and I believe that myself, but every time I go out with my friends, they get approached and I never do. I am starting to think that people saying "men are afraid to approach pretty women" is just a lie to make people feel better about not getting approached. I know I could do the approaching, but men are usually in large groups and that is intimidating to me. lol. I am never out in large groups, so it can't be because they dont want to approach a girl with several people.

Like not your total “no go’s”… but like that thing where you’re like looking through most things seen good and then it’s like “oh, that kinda sticks” when you see it?

I know there are a lot of decent men out there that struggle to date or find women interested in them, I'm one of them.

While doom-scrolling through dating advice topics one day, I came across 'social proof'. Long story short, a lot of women (not all) like a man that's already getting interest from other women, even platonically. It means you're probably safe to be around, can be trusted in a group, and usually have some of the good qualities women look for in a potential partner.

Giving my own personal real world example, briefly last year I started seeing an absolutely gorgeous girl. We met naturally and the funny part is that we had kinda known each other for years without really realizing it. I asked her out, she said yes and our first date was that same night at a bar and arcade. We did the arcade first and this local popular pub was right across the street. This was a bar I've visited many times with the homies, but when I came with this girl I could immediately tell something was different.

Everyone couldn't stop talking to us. Even the female bartenders couldn't stop checking in on us. When I've come by myself, she couldn't care less to check in on me. No she want just being polite, she checked in on us at least 5 times in 10 minutes. Even another woman nodded and waved at me before I left. 👀

Never in my life have I received that kind of attention until I came in with a girl.

Things didn't work out with her, but it opened my eyes that a lot of men just need a good female friend to wing woman for them. Being good friends with women openes up so many doors to their friends and so on and so forth. Women naturally gravitate towards men they already know. Easier said than done building a new social circle, but first step I guess I just finding some good hobbies you're genuinely interested in.

Hi, im a guy in my mid 20s and vaginal sex has been either too painful or uncomfortable for me to enjoy it. What do i do to make sex enjoyable? For context I have phimosis which I have greatly improved by stretching throughout my teen years and later through an ointment prescribed by my doctor. I wasn't able to have sex until I was in my early 20s due to how painful it was. Now, in my mid 20s I am sexually active for the first time of my life, but I can't finish with just vaginal sex, we have to switch over to oral or take a break because my penis head is so sensitive. Not to mention I cant go deep or fast paced because it starts to hurt. I lack a lot of sexual experience so I dont know if im just supposed to push through the pain or if with enough experience the sensitivity will go away. Thanks in advance

I was at a birthday party last week and ended up getting very drunk, which then led to me having sex with my brother’s friend. We were first making out in one of the bathrooms and he then used his fingers. Apparently I started bleeding (didn’t notice until we got to my place) and APPARENTLY the blood got all over the sink (people thought someone just had a nosebleed though, but I know it’s my blood💔). We then went to my place and had the sex there (so we didn’t have actual sex at the party).

Question 1: Was it wrong of me to have it with my brother’s friend? I feel so scared/embarrassed about when my family will find out and if they will have some big reaction.

Question 2: How can I let go of the shame over people having seen my blood all over the sink?? UGHHHH why didn’t we just turn on the light before be left ffs

I want to die from shame & from now on I’ll stop getting so drunk so that I stop making such embarrassing choices 😀😀

Edit: thank you sm for the reassurance, I’m starting to calm down now lol

I’m kind of coming off the comments of a different recent post I came across about someone saying they automatically swipe left on extremely good looking people.

The way things are going for me in dating, I’m pretty sure I’ll be alone for the rest of my life 😅

I (F) don’t really like to receive oral. Not as in I dislike it but first of all I feel disconnected from my partner during it because he just seems so far away but also because while stimulation on my clit will definitely do the job, it feels sort of superficial. I love to be stimulated closely around my pussy. That feels way better. I have never asked a man to do this while going down on me though but is this a thing? Because I just keep reading about the clit everywhere. Do men like this? Because I assume there is way more body fluid involved and I have never tasted that. So is this a put off? Any smooth or sexy ideas how to ask for this? Especially in a way that won’t kill the mood should not be into it? And while we are at it: any ideas how to feel less disconnected during it?

And please dont say to take less length, because i love taking it all. I looooove how this position feels and it's more pleasurable for me when I can keep an arch, but I can't lol. It's like once the dick is too good, my back comes up like a cat and then I become a 90⁰ angle. I don't even know if I'm arching right to begin with. How do I know I'm even arching correctly for the men's physical pleasure and visual standards (because that also makes it better for me) and don't just *think* or *feel* like I am arching correctly? Trust me, I know just enjoying pleasure and the experience is key and I know many will say I shouldn't worry about the "male gaze" or his pleasure because he'll get off anyways, but personally I do want to be that hot bitch with the ultimate arch and doggy always feels good to me anyways and knowing I'm killing it with my arch will turn me on even more, I am genuinely such a doggy enthusiast, I just wanna up my doggy game so bad!!

This is just something I’ve noticed over the years, and I could be completely off base since I’m obviously working with a sample size of one.

I’m a straight guy in my mid 40s, and I’ve realized that a surprising amount of the positive feedback I’ve gotten about my appearance has actually come from other men. Guys can be pretty direct about it too, complimenting another guy’s hair, build, height, beard, facial features, or just straight up saying he’s a good looking dude. It reminds me of the funny paradox where a guy gets built in the gym only to end up getting compliments only from other men.

My experiences with women have been a lot more mixed, and at times almost the complete opposite. 😂 I’m not saying that as a complaint or suggesting women should find me attractive. If anything, that difference is what got me thinking about this in the first place.

I wonder if there’s a difference between the traits men tend to admire in other men and the traits women tend to find attractive. Maybe a guy can look at another guy and think, “Yeah, that dude is good looking,” while that same guy doesn’t necessarily do much for a lot of women.

Obviously attraction is incredibly individual, and I’m sure there’s a ton of overlap too. This is more of a random observation than a hill I’m prepared to die on. Curious if anyone else has noticed something similar?

My new boyfriend and I have been freshly in love and therefore very active for the past few months. We both love being outdoors, and sometimes we don't make it home quite as quickly as we should when we get in the mood, so we've occasionally ended up having sex in places that aren't fully public but aren't exactly private either.

Recently, we had sex in his car, in the dark, on a parking spot in a relatively quiet area near the woods. The area does get some traffic, though, and since people sometimes park illegally there, police regularly drive through and check for illegally parked cars.

As luck would have it, they happened to drive past while we were in the back seat getting down.

I'm usually a very rule-following, law-abiding citizen, so the possibility of getting caught makes me pretty anxious. I'm guessing I'm also not really what you'd call an exhibitionist, since I don't get a thrill from the possibility of being caught. If anything, it mostly makes me panic a little.

I should probably also clarify that what we were doing isn't necessarily illegal in my country. The relevant criteria for "public sexual acts" are basically that it's likely and reasonably easy for people passing by to witness what you're doing and that they would be likely to be disturbed by it. Since it was dark and the rear windows are tinted, this is technically a bit of a gray area, as someone would have to deliberately look into the car and potentially use a flashlight to actually see anything.

That doesn't mean the police couldn't have fined us — they absolutely could have if they had seen us and decided the circumstances met the criteria — but there is at least an argument to be made that it wasn't clearly a public act.

Anyway, long story short: I'd like to get a little better at being sneaky with our outdoor adventures.

Does anyone have tips for minimizing the chances of being spotted, specifically when it comes to doing it in a car? One of our biggest problems is the interior lighting. It doesn't seem to fully turn off even when the car is locked from the inside because the keys are still inside, and accidentally pressing a button can turn all the lights back on again.

Please spare me the obvious "find a less frequented spot" or "just don't do it" comments. I'm specifically interested in practical tips for making the car itself less noticeable.

I (30M) met someone through a work event recently(25F), and we really hit it off. We seemed to have a lot of things in common, and she seemed to express interest in me the same way that I express interest in her. This was all a bit of a shock to me, since my experience in dating is somewhat limited (I’ve had one relationship before, but that’s been about it). Having an incredibly beautiful girl express interest in me really felt like a parallel universe.

We haven’t gone on an actual date yet, but we’re talking about one and planning one. I was incredibly excited to go out with her… until I found her social media account.

Basically, her social media presence consists of (what I would describe as) “thirst trap” photos. Her showing off her body, trying to look “sexy,” and showing off a lifestyle of extravagance (including multiple photos of her sitting in expensive cars, hotel, and everything in between). I was really surprised by this. Her personality seemed very reserved and shy when we met, so I never would have expected her social media pages to look like this. To be fair, she hasn’t shared any of these pages with me. It just so happens we have a mutual friend that triggered a “people you may know” recommendation.

I’m honestly not sure how I feel. There’s nothing wrong with her expressing herself however she wants on her own social media pages, but I’m getting the impression that her and I might be too different. Im not really into people who present themselves that way, and her entire lifestyle and background looks very “privileged.” I do pretty well for myself these days, but I’d never present myself this way.

TLDR:
I’m questioning if I should go on a date with her to try and get to know her better, or if I should pull back a bit on all of this. What would you do?

i can only get turned on by rough and violent sex. luckily, my bf shares the same kink. the problem is, both of us have been going too hard too often and my body is getting completely wrecked. i’ve got deep bruises all over my skin, and my private parts are literally torn and bleeding from the intense friction. seeing this, my bf decided we should only do gentle stuff or skip penetration entirely so my body can heal.

but the thing is, i can't even get aroused if it's just soft and sweet, i need to be beaten up so badly that i can't think straight. i’ve been trying to give my body a rest these past few days, but the urges are driving me crazy. my mood has been down bad just because of the cravings. when i begged my bf to do it again, we ended up getting into a huge fight. he said i’m practically being suicidal and that he just can't bring himself to do that to me anymore. so i tried to please myself but i ended up hurting my own body again...

is there something wrong with me?? i don't have any past trauma, my life is peaceful and happy, and my bf is an amazing guy who genuinely cares about my well being. what should i do to stop destroying my own body?

I have seen way too many videos of “dating coaches” saying if a man rejects you it has nothing to do with you, your value doesn’t change, his loss, etc etc. It just never made sense to me because a person rejects you BECAUSE he thinks you’re not valuable enough. How would it be “his loss” if he called it quits with you and started dating someone else?? Him saying no literally means “I don’t like you enough and I don’t see you worth my time and effort”. How on earth does that mean you’re still “amazing and valuable.” Rejection is personal because they are literally rejecting you lmao. And this is someone who has been rejected before and he got into a relationship another woman , so I literally stopped dating or even viewing men as romantic partners. I only see them and brothers and uncles and NEVER approach them or make the first move cause it is insulting and humiliating. Who agrees?

I try not to have negative thoughts and be positive. But over 15 years of trying and not even have a moment where I felt hopeful of being with someone is really hurtful. I took advice from friends, dating coaches, even therapy to regulate my emotions.

The feeling of being unloved and never receiving affection weighs heavily on my soul. I sometimes ask why did it happen to me? I've put in so much effort only to be shunned. I do not blame women for not preferring me because I am not entitled to anything. I just feel the burdening sense of having failed as a man.

Ive (30F) been with my bf(35M) for over a year now. We met on a dating app. We live about 1.5 hrs away from each other but visit one another almost every weekend and stay the whole weekend. Sometimes we will take time off work and stay together for 4-5 days at a time.

The first time we met in person he got us a hotel room and we had sex about 7ish times within a 12 hour period. We went out for drinks and dinner and once we made it back to the room we very demurely did our own bed time routines, got in our pajamas to watch a movie, and then didn’t make it a single minute in.

And that’s been more or less our entire relationship. We just now were able to make it through a movie a week ago but not without pausing for sex breaks. A 2 hr movie turned into a 8 hr one. It just never gets old. It just keeps getting better.

We’re both flabbergasted at how compatible we are. We’re both high energy goofballs that love joking around and being affectionate. And apparently these silly goose vibes translate into really good, hair pulling, light choking, bent over the sink sex. There’s something about seeing the “class clown, golden retriever, everyone’s fav party animal and sweetheart friend” turn into this primal, dominant sex god that just makes me absolutely melt.

We’re gonna close the gap soon and I KNOW things won’t be this fun anymore and I’m dreading it. Any tips from anyone w a similar situation?

I’ve never desired being came in until my boyfriend. We didn’t use a condom once I think during my period? Once we opened that can of worms it was hard to get either of us to put one on. He’d ask me not to, I’d not REALLY want to, he’d ask me again and say he’s gonna pull out, I’d say fine but you know that’s not a reliable pregnancy prevention method. He’d fail to pull out soon enough like half the time and some would get inside anyways. This happened like 2-3 times to the point where condom usage was sporadic.

It was hard for us to go back to condoms after that one time. They put drugs in that shit I don’t know. I don’t know if condoms like compress the head of change the texture but condoms are like sex lite or something and I’m saying this as the woman. I got on birth control I few weeks later because we both have adhd and I don’t trust either of us to keep using that condom. We were doing good before, I asked to not use it when I knew I couldn’t get pregnant and then we really stopped caring. I swear we did it one time when I might’ve been ovulating and I had a small pregnacy scare so I started pills my next period.

I like when he finishes in a condom. I LOVE when he finishes without one. Especially when it’s been a minute and he’s hydrated. Remembering the towel is a pain in the ass because you don’t remember you didn’t grab one until you’re leaking out onto the blankets. But it’s so warm and like I have some of him in me. I like the little pulsing sensation and feeling it go inside me. I like the concept that if I wasn’t on the pill he could get me pregnant like that. Like wow he could really put a baby in me. And in the moment for a second I genuinely want him to. Then I snap back to reality where I don’t want kids for atleast another 6-8 years and I make sure I take my pill on time everyday.

I used to think I’d find it messy and gross. Like I thought I’d want him to pull out most times or that it would feel violating. I can’t see him for another 5 days and it crosses my mind everyday

Is this a breeding kink? Do I have a sex addiction? This can’t be normal and it’s objectively kind of nasty. Like it’s a snot like texture and it just randomly shoots out of his junk. I don’t think I’d enjoy swallowing, but I love having it inside of me. I’m putting so much trust into this pill it’s insane because sometimes I keep it in me for a bit. I don’t even run to wash it off right away but he doesn’t really either. I guess I just kinda wanna know if I’m normal or it’s a kink for me