u/BearwithaBow

It's been a rough couple of years for my husband and I -- his mom died, our relationship with his dad is pretty fractured, I've had two major surgeries requiring 10+ weeks off work over the last 10 months, and we've lost 90% of our friends and the social support that community provided.

Early this summer, my husband had this crazy idea to build a custom desk for music production and micro welding (don't ask). I encouraged him and told him I loved the idea (context: he's never done any woodworking or carpentry of any kind before this). He makes some plans, buys the (high quality + expensive) wood and the stain, gets the wood cut and holes drilled with help from a friend who does millwork. A couple weeks later, the pieces are triple-stained and he's ready to start assembling everything.

Unfortunately, as he's getting everything to come together, he realizes a small mistake he made meant that he needed to make some fairly substantial changes to the look + function of desk. I'm out in the garage chatting with him while he's realizing all of this and he just starts getting kind of down on himself like "I'm not sure what made me think I could do this" and "it's definitely going to look a little amateur."

Suddenly I hear myself saying, "The only way to win is by learning, the only way to learn is by playing, and the only way to begin is by beginning!"

We both laugh and I realize it's true -- the only way to win (make any progress towards your goals) is by learning and the best way to learn IS by playing! Releasing expectations and allowing yourself to be curious, try something new, maybe even fail in full or in part sometimes... in short, holding things lightly and not being too hard on yourself or getting caught up in less than ideal outcomes. And of course, the only way to begin is by beginning (vs planning and plotting and strategizing for ages and never actually taking action).

So now, as we try to find ourselves in this new, upside-down life, whenever we're feeling a little discouraged or being too hard on ourselves when things aren't perfect, one of us (often me) will say our Game Changer mantra. It always lightens the mood and helps us find a new perspective. It's like a happy little trick birthday candle against the dark.

Thanks for your silly nonsense directions, Sam. And thanks, Game Changer gang, for bringing us belly laughs during a really rough stretch. Never thought I'd find the best instructions for living life while watching a gameshow, but here we are.

If I see one more "my boyfriend doesn't like that I'm considering meds" post, I'm gonna jump off a building.

Gals, WHY are we infantilizing ourselves to such a degree that we're letting other people dissuade us from receiving treatment for a medical condition? If you had diabetes, would you let your husband side eye you about your insulin prescription? If you had dangerously high blood pressure, would you consider the "concerns" your meemaw has about beta blockers? If you had a non-functioning thyroid, would you let your sister's opposition to synthroid prevent you from taking it?

The people in our lives get to have feelings about how we treat them, that's it. They don't get to be controlling, judgmental, or manipulative about MEDICAL TREATMENTS deemed appropriate/necessary and prescribed by our healthcare providers.

And honestly, entertaining this shaming BS contributes to the stigma surrounding ADHD and medications.

Trust yourself and your body, trust your doctors, and tell your boyfriend to kick rocks.