u/Beginning-Cricket719

Landlord, Her Cats, Her Mess.

I’m looking for outside perspective on a living situation because I’m struggling to figure out what’s reasonable anymore.

About 8 months ago, my son and I moved into a friend’s renovated basement apartment/shared living arrangement after both of us went through separations and she needed a tenant. I pay $1000/month currently ($1250 once my partner moves in), utilities included. I have two private bedrooms downstairs, my own bathroom (mostly), and shared access to the downstairs living room and upstairs kitchen.

Since the day I moved in, there has been daily cat urine and feces on the carpet downstairs. I’m not exaggerating when I say this has happened hundreds of times over the last 8 months. The older cat was already doing it before I moved in, and then she adopted a kitten a few months later, which made everything worse.

I’ve spent hundreds on cleaning supplies, enzyme cleaners, carpet shampoo, stain removers, etc., and countless hours cleaning. I’ve scrubbed carpets by hand, borrowed a wet vac, driven long distances for industrial cleaners, and repeatedly tried to manage the smell. The cats have peed on carpets, mats, my son’s room, inside drawers, etc.

The thing is, I’ve tried very hard to be patient about it because she’s my friend and also my landlord. I kept downplaying my own frustration for months because I didn’t want to seem ungrateful since the rent is cheaper than market value.

But recently I hit my limit after one cat peed in the living room at the same time the kitten defecated in my son’s room right after I had spent hours cleaning. I told her I couldn’t live like this anymore.

For the last 4 days, she’s kept both cats upstairs which is easy to do as there's a door between the upstairs and the basement where I rent. The difference downstairs is honestly massive already. My son and I are using the living room again for the first time in months because the smell has improved that much.

Now she wants to try bringing just the kitten downstairs because she says the older cat “needs a break” from him upstairs. But the kitten is also part of the problem. He’s extremely overstimulating, gets into everything, has already had accidents downstairs, and requires constant supervision/attention that I do not want to take on. I feel like the burden is just being shifted back onto me again.

She also doesn’t want to replace the carpet with vinyl because the quote was around $4k, which I understand is expensive. But I also feel frustrated because the carpet likely would not have been destroyed to this extent if action had been taken earlier. I’ve told her I’m willing to continue treating the carpets if needed, but not if the cats are going to be down there using is as a bathroom.

There are other issues too:

\-The shared kitchen is so cluttered/dirty that I mostly avoid using it. It's to the point where I've now got a mini fridge in my room and prepare and eat mine and my son's meals pretty much exclusively in there and we eat in my bed because my table is in the living room.

\-Her kids frequently enter my space, eat our food/drinks, and damage belongings.

\-When her boyfriend visits, household maintenance gets noticeably worse (catbox downstairs wasn’t cleaned in almost a week, etc).

At the same time, I do care about her a lot and don’t think she’s a bad person. She’s helped me too, and I know financially I help her significantly as well because my rent covers half her mortgage.

I guess I’m struggling with:

1. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting any cats downstairs anymore?

2. Am I overreacting because the rent is below market value?

3. How do you maintain a friendship when resentment has been building this long?

4. Is this just normal compromise in shared housing, or has this crossed into genuinely unfair living conditions?

Landlord, Her Cats, Her Mess.

I’m looking for outside perspective on a living situation because I’m struggling to figure out what’s reasonable anymore.

About 8 months ago, my son and I moved into a friend’s renovated basement apartment/shared living arrangement after both of us went through separations and she needed a tenant. I pay $1000/month currently ($1250 once my partner moves in), utilities included. I have two private bedrooms downstairs, my own bathroom (mostly), and shared access to the downstairs living room and upstairs kitchen.

Since the day I moved in, there has been daily cat urine and feces on the carpet downstairs. I’m not exaggerating when I say this has happened hundreds of times over the last 8 months. The older cat was already doing it before I moved in, and then she adopted a kitten a few months later, which made everything worse.

I’ve spent hundreds on cleaning supplies, enzyme cleaners, carpet shampoo, stain removers, etc., and countless hours cleaning. I’ve scrubbed carpets by hand, borrowed a wet vac, driven long distances for industrial cleaners, and repeatedly tried to manage the smell. The cats have peed on carpets, mats, my son’s room, inside drawers, etc.

The thing is, I’ve tried very hard to be patient about it because she’s my friend and also my landlord. I kept downplaying my own frustration for months because I didn’t want to seem ungrateful since the rent is cheaper than market value.

But recently I hit my limit after one cat peed in the living room at the same time the kitten defecated in my son’s room right after I had spent hours cleaning. I told her I couldn’t live like this anymore.

For the last 4 days, she’s kept both cats upstairs which is easy to do as there's a door between the upstairs and the basement where I rent. The difference downstairs is honestly massive already. My son and I are using the living room again for the first time in months because the smell has improved that much.

Now she wants to try bringing just the kitten downstairs because she says the older cat “needs a break” from him upstairs. But the kitten is also part of the problem. He’s extremely overstimulating, gets into everything, has already had accidents downstairs, and requires constant supervision/attention that I do not want to take on. I feel like the burden is just being shifted back onto me again.

She also doesn’t want to replace the carpet with vinyl because the quote was around $4k, which I understand is expensive. But I also feel frustrated because the carpet likely would not have been destroyed to this extent if action had been taken earlier. I’ve told her I’m willing to continue treating the carpets if needed, but not if the cats are going to be down there using is as a bathroom.

There are other issues too:

\-The shared kitchen is so cluttered/dirty that I mostly avoid using it. It's to the point where I've now got a mini fridge in my room and prepare and eat mine and my son's meals pretty much exclusively in there and we eat in my bed because my table is in the living room.

\-Her kids frequently enter my space, eat our food/drinks, and damage belongings.

\-When her boyfriend visits, household maintenance gets noticeably worse (catbox downstairs wasn’t cleaned in almost a week, etc).

At the same time, I do care about her a lot and don’t think she’s a bad person. She’s helped me too, and I know financially I help her significantly as well because my rent covers half her mortgage.

I guess I’m struggling with:

1. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting any cats downstairs anymore?

2. Am I overreacting because the rent is below market value?

3. How do you maintain a friendship when resentment has been building this long?

4. Is this just normal compromise in shared housing, or has this crossed into genuinely unfair living conditions?

I’m looking for outside perspective on a living situation because I’m struggling to figure out what’s reasonable anymore.

About 8 months ago, my son and I moved into a friend’s renovated basement apartment/shared living arrangement after both of us went through separations and she needed a tenant. I pay $1000/month currently ($1250 once my partner moves in), utilities included. I have two private bedrooms downstairs, my own bathroom (mostly), and shared access to the downstairs living room and upstairs kitchen.

Since the day I moved in, there has been daily cat urine and feces on the carpet downstairs. I’m not exaggerating when I say this has happened hundreds of times over the last 8 months. The older cat was already doing it before I moved in, and then she adopted a kitten a few months later, which made everything worse.

I’ve spent hundreds on cleaning supplies, enzyme cleaners, carpet shampoo, stain removers, etc., and countless hours cleaning. I’ve scrubbed carpets by hand, borrowed a wet vac, driven long distances for industrial cleaners, and repeatedly tried to manage the smell. The cats have peed on carpets, mats, my son’s room, inside drawers, etc.

The thing is, I’ve tried very hard to be patient about it because she’s my friend and also my landlord. I kept downplaying my own frustration for months because I didn’t want to seem ungrateful since the rent is cheaper than market value.

But recently I hit my limit after one cat peed in the living room at the same time the kitten defecated in my son’s room right after I had spent hours cleaning. I told her I couldn’t live like this anymore.

For the last 4 days, she’s kept both cats upstairs which is easy to do as there's a door between the upstairs and the basement where I rent. The difference downstairs is honestly massive already. My son and I are using the living room again for the first time in months because the smell has improved that much.

Now she wants to try bringing just the kitten downstairs because she says the older cat “needs a break” from him upstairs. But the kitten is also part of the problem. He’s extremely overstimulating, gets into everything, has already had accidents downstairs, and requires constant supervision/attention that I do not want to take on. I feel like the burden is just being shifted back onto me again.

She also doesn’t want to replace the carpet with vinyl because the quote was around $4k, which I understand is expensive. But I also feel frustrated because the carpet likely would not have been destroyed to this extent if action had been taken earlier. I’ve told her I’m willing to continue treating the carpets if needed, but not if the cats are going to be down there using is as a bathroom.

There are other issues too:

-The shared kitchen is so cluttered/dirty that I mostly avoid using it. It's to the point where I've now got a mini fridge in my room and prepare and eat mine and my son's meals pretty much exclusively in there and we eat in my bed because my table is in the living room.

-Her kids frequently enter my space, eat our food/drinks, and damage belongings.

-When her boyfriend visits, household maintenance gets noticeably worse (catbox downstairs wasn’t cleaned in almost a week, etc).

At the same time, I do care about her a lot and don’t think she’s a bad person. She’s helped me too, and I know financially I help her significantly as well because my rent covers half her mortgage.

I guess I’m struggling with:

1. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting any cats downstairs anymore?

2. Am I overreacting because the rent is below market value?

3. How do you maintain a friendship when resentment has been building this long?

4. Is this just normal compromise in shared housing, or has this crossed into genuinely unfair living conditions?