u/Beginning-Plant-3356

PMO free for 35 days now recovering from PIED. I completely flatlined during the first 28 days. Since my imagination wasn’t getting me aroused, I started to develop a fear that I would never get aroused again.

I found hope in a comment that said we humans aren’t meant to be aroused constantly and porn messed us up in making us think that constant arousal is natural. It’s not.

A similar comment said that in recovery, once you do actually get aroused, it will feel that much more incredible because it’s a special moment, not a constant cycle of seeking, pleasure, and shame. This was my light at the end of the tunnel.

On day 28, a gf/fwb sent me a quick vid that I viewed a couple times (not counting it as a relapse because we’re emotionally connected) and it got me out of that flatline. I didn’t masturbate but wow did it feel amazing to get turned on!

Not only that, but today I got turned on by a sound alone. She sent me a voice memo of her talking normally but she was being spicy and there was a noise in the background (it wasn’t porn but I won’t describe the sound) that got me super aroused. I didn’t know that the sound alone could get me there. Again, no fapping, but I appreciated the moment and tried to connect to my body response as much as possible.

I’m gonna see her in about a month and I’m very excited for the trip, but I’m trying to stay present and not project what may or may not happen. If the present moment means no arousal, then so be it. I just want to continue being present so that I can be present when I’m with her.

I’m getting over that fear of no more arousal.

I’m committed to my recovery and will continue to abstain from porn one day at a time. Let’s keep it going!

I didn’t think about porn itself, but I did get curious to see an update of this one hardcore pornstar like an interview or a “where are they now” type of video.

I searched her name on YouTube and scrolled past a few videos, and then it hit me… this info is not conducive to my recovery and I have no business knowing what she’s up to.

Needless to say, I closed the app and went about my day, expressing gratitude for my healing and recovery.

I read a post saying that one challenge presented by month #2 is that the addiction makes some strong last ditch efforts to stay alive. I think that’s what I’m going through now.

The addiction is strong, but my purpose in life is stronger and I will live according to that purpose. Thanks for all the support!

Doesn’t matter if you’re on day 0 or day 1000, your recovery has started and all you need to do is continue just one day at a time (or even 5 minutes at a time). If you stack up the days, you WILL recover.

This is a nice milestone. 30 days PMO free. I see some signs that PIED is getting cured. Today I was actually able to use my imagination to get my first good daytime erection since the beginning of this journey. I tried to leave my imagination and practiced trying to connect with my body. I did feel something I hadn’t felt before. Let it pass and expressed gratitude in my head.

Been flatlining hard but maybe I’m coming out of it? Idk, I’m not too worried about it tbh. Trusting the process. Still a long road ahead of me.

I’d done like 40 or 50 days at some point, but I’d only treated it like a tolerance break as opposed to recovery. I’m committed this time to no gooning to porn as it very much affected my performance with women.

Like I had incredible opportunities recently and I simply did not perform in bed. Fun times, but no hardness. Then when I was alone, I’d watch some hardcore content and get super hard. That’s what made me realize I had a real problem.

I had a quick moment where I got triggered by a short video from gf on day 28 and wanted to watch content online, but I know I have a greater purpose than to stare at the screens and cuck myself.

I’ve been hiking, working out, taking vitamins and natural supplements, started going to SAA meetings (and I’ve been active in other addiction meetings for years), going out with friends, being active in this and similar subreddits, keeping in touch with my lady friend, being more social in every setting, listening to podcasts about porn addiction, reading a book (Crime and Punishment), planning travel, and going to church.

Needless to say, I feel like I’m over the hump of fighting this addiction defensively (blockers, avoiding social media accounts, and avoiding time alone in my room) to fighting offensively by filling my life with natural sources of joy. Life’s looking more serene every day!

If you’re on day 0, just know that it is possible to recover. Read through posts in this subreddit and recover 1 day at a time. You’ll have to stack them up if you want to heal properly.

Feel free to DM me if you need support. Let’s keep this going!

This is a nice milestone. 30 days porn free. I see some signs that PIED is getting cured. Still a long journey ahead of me.

I had a quick moment where I got triggered by a quick video from gf on day 28 and wanted to watch content online, but I know I have a greater purpose than to stare at the screens and cuck myself.

I’ve been hiking, working out, taking vitamins and natural supplements, started going to SAA meetings (and I’ve been active in other addiction meetings for years), going out with friends, being active in this and similar subreddits, keeping in touch with a lady friend, being more social in every setting, listening to podcasts about porn addiction, reading a book (Crime and Punishment), planning travel, and going to church.

Needless to say, I feel like I’m over the hump of fighting this addiction defensively (blockers, suspending social media accounts, and avoiding time alone in my room) to flighting offensively by filling my life with natural sources of joy. Life’s looking more serene every day!

If you’re on day 0, just know that it is possible to recover. Read through posts in this subreddit and recover 1 day at a time. Feel free to DM me if you need support. Let’s keep this going!

I was listening to a podcast from a neuroscientist that specializes in helping [mostly] men recover from porn addiction. She attacks it from the neurological angle.

She said “defense RARELY wins the game; OFFENSE is what wins the game”.

She mentioned that brain reboots need both a defensive plan and an offensive plan.

Defensive: these are the fences I’ll put up in my life to not watch porn; however, I don’t want to live a fenced in life (phone blockers, cold showers, deleting social media, avoiding going to the movies, etc)

Offensive: this is how I’ll build a lifestyle that won’t even need porn or explicit material because I get enough dopamine from my normal activities (good network of support, hobbies, time with family and/or partner, achieving goals at work or in school, helping others, etc)

I feel myself playing the offensive game plans a lot more lately. Don’t really have an urge to go back to porn even after getting a heavy trigger from gf yesterday. Life feels more full little by little, and for that I am grateful.

Fwb/long distance gf just sent me a brief gift. I viewed it a couple times but we do have an emotional connection, so I won’t count it as porn, but I kinda wanna go watch some now cuz I got triggered.

But I’m not relapsing! Going for the 90 days and beyond porn free!

I’m not typically a dancer… but I’m dancing all over this empty gym in between sets today and jamming out like I haven’t in years! I’m so confused lmao.

Is this the energy I was putting into porn all these years?!

I’d (29M) been on a flatline since day 1 and would have no movement down there during the day. Morning wood was fine after day 8, but even while thinking about my best sexual experiences, I wouldn’t get any day or nighttime erections.

This scared me into thinking I’d done permanent damage to myself, but I kept reading success stories that gave me a sliver of hope.

I’ve been pretty good at keeping hardcore porn out of my mind for the most part. The thought comes but I start to meditate in the moment and clear my mind before continuing whatever I was doing.

Last night I got a big new wave of hope! As I was trying to go to sleep, my mind kept having memories of foreplay, not even full on sex, and there was some natural response from my body! I think there were multiple semis, but I think I did have one almost full erection at these thoughts. Might not have been 100% yet, but it did last a little while longer than my last one that I kinda forced with imagination. I’m going to stop forcing it and will go with the flow, but still going for the 90 days.

If you’re experiencing a flatline and are thinking of throwing in the towel, DON’T GIVE UP JUST YET! Keep your streak up to at least 90 days before you change anything or go see a doctor. There is hope of the body healing naturally.

Best wishes to everyone reading this! I believe in you; let’s keep it going!

I’m gratefully on day 20 of no PMO and decided to take my recovery to the next level by attending an in-person SAA meeting close to my house before going to work.

The meeting was in a random church (there are thousands in my area) in a sort of classroom in the back of the church. I walked in and was welcomed by a couple guys (two more showed up after me). I told them it was my first meeting and they were very happy to know I wanted to recover. They didn’t ask many questions, if any, and didn’t pressure me or push me into saying anything at all. Typically I get anxious and sweaty in new environments, but here I felt at peace.

The meeting starts with a non-denominational prayer (the mighty Serenity Prayer) followed by the chairperson reading a few paragraphs explaining what the program is and what it isn’t. They had very clear boundaries about the discussions (like no explicit/vulgar/specific language, no mention of specific sites, etc) which I found to be refreshing so that it doesn’t just turn into a sex stories meeting. Then a few of us read some sheets out loud that had been handed out at the beginning, further explaining the purpose of this organization.

Today’s meeting was a “speaker meeting” where one member got to tell his story for about 20 minutes, explaining what his life was like, what happened that made him seek recovery, and what it’s like now during recovery. Although there were major differences, the guy’s story was similar to mine in so many ways!!! Both started masturbating around the same age, built up libraries of porn, felt anxious and “less than” from a young age, etc.

After he told his story, the meeting was open for sharing. Everybody gets a chance to share for a few minutes but never forced to do so. We all ended up sharing and I told them a bit about myself (PMO at a young age, long periods of fapping especially during COVID, my recent PIED experiences, etc) and again, I felt very much understood.

This program addresses all sorts of sexual addictions, including masturbation and porn.

It was excellent to be able to talk about this to other people in real time. I’m going back to that meeting tomorrow morning as the program helps you deal with the deeper issues that caused this addiction. The energy in that room felt right, so I’ll most likely check out other meetings too.

Just wanted to share my experience with everyone. Hope everyone is doing well in their journey!

This is a story from months ago, but I (29M) almost did it again. I’m gratefully on day 19 of no PMO and will continue this journey, but it’s good to learn from my triggers and relapses.

Tiny bit of background, I would suffer from PIED off and on again. Then when watching porn, I constantly had to be stimulated both visually and physically to keep an erection. I would lose most of the erection but kept beating anyway until it came back and I could finish.

The second to last time time I stopped watching porn, I did so because I was going to see my long distance gf in a few weeks, so I wanted to give my Johnson a break so I could perform well with her. Of course I finished quick with her the first time, but the other sessions were great!

The last time I stopped, after probably a week or two of no PMO, I stopped getting daytime erections and I got very worried that I might never get them again.

SO, my insane logic decided it would be a good idea to watch ONE or TWO solo porn videos just to get an erection. Sure enough, after two or three times of doing that, I was right back to binging hardcore videos. That caused my PIED again and was only able to perform well with gf one out of a few times when I saw her. She was understanding and it was a great time, but I was so ashamed because after we said our goodbyes, I whipped out some porn and got hard as a rock.

I don’t want that to happen again. Today I was in the shower after doing cardio and the thought crept in again: what if I never get boners again?! This was followed by a thought of PMOing, followed by a thought of posting here instead. The thought has left for now.

Been having morning wood since day 8 and I get weak daytimers here and there. Seeing the progress is encouraging! Still a little spooked because they don’t turn into full hard ons, but it’s giving me hope. Trying not to focus too much on the future.

Keep up the recovery everyone!

Doing at least 90 days hard mode (to fix PIED) before I reassess. Don’t have an urge to watch porn today. Long distance gf sent me a normal selfie and I felt a little tingly whereas before I mostly wanted nudes. Perhaps I AM healing. Need to trust the process.

Stay strong, y’all!

Woke up from a couple sex dreams this morning. Faded in and out of sleep with morning wood about three times. My mind, searching for unnatural dopamine, initially thought “keep the dream going, watch a video!!”

Thought of watching a video of gf that she sent me. This was immediately followed by thoughts of just returning to porn itself. Slippery slope for me.

I fully awoke and a crazy thing happened where I wasn’t absorbed in my thoughts and urges, but rather I felt like I was watching my brain. Like I literally felt like I was occupying the space between my skull and my brain and I was just… looking at it, or watching it, rather.

I saw how different sentences were all trying to push their way to the middle at the same time, like a buncha snakes all burrowing into one shallow hole. I just watched the thoughts fight each other for a while without focusing on any one in particular.

I think this is part of what it means to be mindful. If it is, I need to practice it more. If anyone has any similar exercises to combat urges, I’d like some insight.

I (29M) read posts about not being able to stop thinking about porn, but I’m kinda having the opposite.

Hardly any thoughts of porn at all and a few thoughts of past experiences here and there but no arousal. Is that normal? I’m 14 days in.

I’ve heard that it’s not about keeping count of days, but I like to be able to put together a timeline.

Yesterday morning and the previous one I woke up with half limp morning wood. It was weird and I got a bit worried as it shouldn’t be like that at my young and healthy 29 years of age. Thoughts of irreversible damage set in.

Saw a post on here of someone with the exact same story, so I didn’t post about it. One morning later and morning wood seems to be getting back to normal both in strength and duration. Not fully, but there has been progress, which gives me hope.

I quickly caught a glimpse of my gf’s nude while looking for a picture I’d sent her in iMessages, but the thought didn’t linger too long as I was somehow willing to give the thought away. I know the whole “it’s okay if you’re romantically involved” theme is controversial, but I’m trying to go 100% no porn for the initial stage.

Other than that, I haven’t viewed porn at all or tried to play with my dingaling. Aiming for 90 days before I reassess the masturbation part, but I’m feeling optimistic this time around. Thanks for the supportive community, everyone!

Sending to a family member whom I trust, but I don’t trust customs in my home country (even thinking of leaving a bribe to prevent stealing lol). Nah but I will get insurance and tracking.

To make sure it can’t be used if it goes “missing”, I’d like to log into my iCloud, ship it, and give the receiver my password to log out. I’d subsequently change my password just to make sure.

Is this okay to do? Will the receiver be able fully reset and log out of iCloud/FindMy without me there?

Went out to a friend’s bday party yesterday and actually made a stronger effort to keep up conversations with more people. After years of avoiding long talks with pretty women, it felt nice.

I used to be good at talking and joking naturally and I had many friends in my circle that I considered to be quite attractive, but over the years of porn addiction, talking to women made me nervous, sweaty, and anxious (except for a few friends and my FWB who I’ve known for some time).

For a while, I’d go out and simply look at women from afar or quickly introduce myself and walk away before getting nervous, living with the comfort that I’d get to go home at the end of the night and get pleasure from viewing video after video of women doing hardcore acts. Not only that, but my phone gave me access to AAAANYTHING my perverted mind desired. I stopped seeing women as potential friends and more as means of pleasure.

Last night a lady and I stared into each other’s eyes during a conversation for a while and it started to make me nervous, but I caught the moment and took a deep breath. Crisis averted.

Had other friendly conversations during the party. Over the years, I’ve come to hate myself so much that I can’t imagine people liking me, but it seems I still got spunk lol. I’ll continue to strive for more socialization. One day at a time, y’all!

I’m 29 and healthy. Been watching porn near daily with a few breaks here and there since I was 12 or 13. Binged on hardcore material sooo much during the pandemic and my daily fap habits have been pretty high since then.

I keep trying to fight my porn addiction but I keep falling to simple striptease or solo videos and I edge for a while, telling myself it’s not causing any harm if I don’t finish even though I do end up finishing sometimes.

Frustrated with having softer erections over time and not being able to get hard on demand, I used the blue pill last weekend as my gf (more of a FWB than a serious relationship) and her friend (both quite hot) were gonna hang out at my place and a threesome was at play. We ended having the threesome and I did end up having sex briefly only with the friend, but EVEN WITH THE PILL I GOT HARD VERY SELDOMLY AND FOR SHORT PERIODS OF TIME. They were very patient with me and we still had fun, but I was so frustrated and embarrassed by my lack of performance. Even with great oral, kisses, and girl-on-girl action, I couldn’t get hard most of the time.

I’ve had sex with my gf and other ladies over the years with lots of good experience and some pretty bad ones, but I’m finding it harder and harder to concentrate during sex.

One thing to note was that my gf’s friend laughs at EVERYTHING and a LOT. She was also kind of a jerk a bunch and would make fun of our quirks. So things would get heated, I may start getting a bit hard, and something would cause her to make a joke and laugh uncontrollably, causing me to go full flaccid. They left the room once to go buy drinks, and I watched porn while they left and got quite hard, but again lost concentration and couldn’t perform when things got heated again.

Next night I’m home alone, whip out some hardcore porn, and I get rock hard for a good while. Same thing the following morning.

I’m so baffled and frustrated. Self esteem is very low now. This addiction makes me feel like my performance will only get worse with women, even if I do quit.

Is there hope for me rewire my brain to get more arousal from physical experiences than from porn if I stop PMO now?