u/Beneficial-Raisin753

You made the decision I couldn’t bring myself to make.
You took responsibility.
Just not in the way I longed for,
nor in the way I needed.

I should be angry with you.
Perhaps that would explain everything.
But it never was anger.
I simply couldn’t do anything else.
I was trying to protect what was left of me.

And still, I return to the facts.
Silence.
No message.
No reaching out.
Your hands are tied by the choice you made.

Yet I can’t help but wonder if there are moments when regret finds you too.
Those fleeting glances.
Those stolen winks.
The warmth you offer when no one else is watching.
So ambiguous.
And yet, I cherish every fragment of it.

I should be furious.
I should want nothing more to do with you.
Instead, all I find myself wanting is to be close to you again.

Eight months have passed,
and I still don’t understand why my heart refuses to follow what my mind already knows.

Maybe…
maybe this is where understanding begins.

You made the decision I couldn’t bring myself to make.
You took responsibility.
Just not in the way I longed for,
nor in the way I needed.

I should be angry with you.
Perhaps that would explain everything.
But it never was anger.
I simply couldn’t do anything else.
I was trying to protect what was left of me.

And still, I return to the facts.
Silence.
No message.
No reaching out.
Your hands are tied by the choice you made.

Yet I can’t help but wonder if there are moments when regret finds you too.
Those fleeting glances.
Those stolen winks.
The warmth you offer when no one else is watching.
So ambiguous.
And yet, I cherish every fragment of it.

I should be furious.
I should want nothing more to do with you.
Instead, all I find myself wanting is to be close to you again.

Eight months have passed,
and I still don’t understand why my heart refuses to follow what my mind already knows.

Maybe…
maybe this is where understanding begins.

The fact that I don’t hear from you is tearing me apart.

What if I hadn’t taken that one step toward you today? Would you have just let it go? Would you have simply let me go?
What if this doesn’t affect you the way it affects me?
What if it doesn’t affect you at all?
What if the moment I’m no longer in front of you, I disappear from your mind?
What if I miss you more than you miss me?
You’re buried so incredibly deep within me.

I see it in your eyes, but I need to hear it from you.

The fact that I don’t hear from you is tearing me apart.

What if I hadn’t taken that one step toward you today? Would you have just let it go? Would you have simply let me go?
What if this doesn’t affect you the way it affects me?
What if it doesn’t affect you at all?
What if the moment I’m no longer in front of you, I disappear from your mind?
What if I miss you more than you miss me?
You’re buried so incredibly deep within me.

I see it in your eyes, but I need to hear it from you.

Just a few more days,
and then I won’t see you for quite some time.
Our reality will shift.
A new rhythm will begin.
Not knowing what will remain when everything starts again.

Every year, I find this part difficult.
But this year… this year feels different.
As if something is coming to an end
something that might never return.

And that scares me.

There you were,
just as I know you.

I want to linger near you for a while, to see more of you, hear more of you, feel your presence…

but I’m not going to.

My God, how I miss you…