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u/Best_Number_10

▲ 3 r/emotionalabuse

How did you learn you were safe again?

I greatly don't want to go into details, but I spent nearly 3 years in a Narc/Abusive relationship. It wasn't marriage, but he was close to trapping me before he decided he was bored of me, and that I was figuring out his patterns.

The healing process has been hard, and after some therapy, exposure, and letting myself back in the world, I have found myself in a new yet wonderful relationship with a man who was my friend and has turned into something so special to me.

What I didn't realize is that stepping back into this is absolutely terrifying

He is so patient with me. He was by my side after the split with my former partner and witnessed the after math (stalking, trying to manipulate me to come back, cheating, panic attacks, police reports, stealing pets, etc...) and he has never once held it against me. He just ask that I communicate when i'm scared or confused or hurting.

I do

But I didn't realize how far the damage ran. How even when I know this man, who has proven himself over and over again to be safe, and is moving unapologeticcally at my pace, my brain stills tells me i'm wrong. I feel like i'm not enough. That i'm not deserving and I know, I know, this is because my brain had gotten so used to being not enough. I admit that i'm terrified I will break such a good thing because i'm scared. When i'm around him, the pain melts away and I feel like i'm enough. He takes care of me and I don't know how to accept that. How to accept that I can let someone buy me gifts and it's not a means to an end or manipulation. That intimacy is not painful, or for his pleasure only, or forced. That being by my side isn't a burden, and my tears aren't annoying. That I can laugh and game with friends and know my microphone won't be slammed in my face, or a knuckle dug into my thigh because i'm 'being too loud'

How do I accept it? I want to breathe because I know i'm safe, because I have no doubts about this man. But how to you expose yourself? Let someone safely take care of you while maintaining that independence that seemingly saved you once you pulled through? What helped you all?

reddit.com
u/Best_Number_10 — 1 day ago
▲ 4 r/NarcissisticSpouses

How do you learn how to accept the healthy relationship?

I greatly don't want to go into details, but I spent nearly 3 years in a Narc/Abusive relationship. It wasn't marriage, but he was close to trapping me before he decided he was bored of me, and that I was figuring out his patterns.

The healing process has been hard, and after some therapy, exposure, and letting myself back in the world, I have found myself in a new yet wonderful relationship with a man who was my friend and has turned into something so special to me.

What I didn't realize is that stepping back into this is absolutely terrifying

He is so patient with me. He was by my side after the split with my former partner and witnessed the after math (stalking, trying to manipulate me to come back, cheating, panic attacks, police reports, stealing pets, etc...) and he has never once held it against me. He just ask that I communicate when i'm scared or confused or hurting.

I do

But I didn't realize how far the damage ran. How even when I know this man, who has proven himself over and over again to be safe, and is moving unapologeticcally at my pace, my brain stills tells me i'm wrong. I feel like i'm not enough. That i'm not deserving and I know, I know, this is because my brain had gotten so used to being not enough. I admit that i'm terrified I will break such a good thing because i'm scared. When i'm around him, the pain melts away and I feel like i'm enough. He takes care of me and I don't know how to accept that. How to accept that I can let someone buy me gifts and it's not a means to an end or manipulation. That intimacy is not painful, or for his pleasure only, or forced. That being by my side isn't a burden, and my tears aren't annoying. That I can laugh and game with friends and know my microphone won't be slammed in my face, or a knuckle dug into my thigh because i'm 'being too loud'

How do I accept it? I want to breathe because I know i'm safe, because I have no doubts about this man. But how to you expose yourself? Let someone safely take care of you while maintaining that independence that seemingly saved you once you pulled through? What helped you all?

reddit.com
u/Best_Number_10 — 1 day ago
▲ 11 r/tarantulas

Lethargy (NOT MY ANIMAL)

I work at a petstore, and in our horrible new display we have tarantulas in small containers. This guy came in and was okay day one, but the last two days and isn't showing signs of molt. Anything I can do to help? He's not clinging to anything, reacting to stimuli, but has been slowing down and not wanting to wander around. He will rotate or change positions, rarely, and in very small incriments. Has not moved from this spot in ~4 hours. No webbing. Again, his symptoms are: lethargy, not wanting to move, general weakness, not stable/falling over

Species: Mexican Fire Leg (Brachypeima Boehmel)
Age: UNK
Gender: UNK

u/Best_Number_10 — 12 days ago
▲ 7 r/SimpleGardening+2 crossposts

Hello! I am looking for some advice for a small, front of house garden. Its a small area, maybe 10ft long in space MAX, of a doorway entry. It is my friends house, and he has asked me to help out with the garden in the front. The two homeowners, both guys (best friends, renting) are full time workers, do not have much garden knowledge, or a a lot of excess time for excess lawn maintainence other than watering and upkeep.

I've added photos of what's currently there and the space. I plan to add new mulch to the area and repair the weed barrier. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS CURRENTLY PLANTED

We are in mid missouri (Columbia area). The garden is partly sunny, having coverage quite a bit during the day, but not enough to say it is full shade.

TLDR: My question is: what are some good plants I can put in there? Maybe something that will flower in the spring, go dormant, and then come back? There is already a dwarf evergreen closest to the door. I'm looking for something that adds a little color, lower end on maintainence, but is something that is weather resistance. Ultimately: What are some beginner friendly plants/flowers that would be aestheticly pleasing for some tech bros?

u/Best_Number_10 — 15 days ago
▲ 41 r/Hissingcockroach+1 crossposts

This is Loui. I just got him yesterday. It was unplanned but I saw him at a local pet shop and he just looked rough. Lethargic, covered in dirt, small flat cintainef with mold, dry food, and of course, his half antennae.

I've cared for hissers before but it's been many many years and I just can't tell what a pre molt looks like. I can tell it easily with mantids but hissers I struggle with. He was dehydrated yesterday and wrinkly. Today he's very plump with noticeable whitening between abdomen segments, and a line down his back. Thoughts? Advice as well. This tank is temporary, i'm quickly sourcing a larger tank and trying to find him a friend.

Thank you! ❤️

u/Best_Number_10 — 17 days ago