u/BigOne3424

My partner has been wanting to invest a significant chunk of our savings into something I had real reservations about. I am not a financial expert but I had done enough reading to know the risks were substantial and I said so clearly. I laid out my concerns, explained my reasoning, and told her I did not think it was a good idea.

She disagreed, said she had done her research, and felt strongly about moving forward. After a few conversations where we were not getting anywhere I said okay, it is your call, I will support whatever you decide.

She went ahead with it. A few weeks later it had not gone the way she hoped and we had lost a meaningful amount of money.

I did not say I told you so. I just tried to help us figure out the next steps.

But she is upset with me. She said I should have pushed harder to stop her, that I knew the risks and I should not have just let her walk into it. I said I had been clear about my concerns and that she had made an informed decision as an adult.

She feels like I let her down by not fighting harder for the opposite position.

I do not know what fighting harder would have even looked like at that point. I said what I thought, she disagreed, and I respected her choice.

AITA?

Before I moved into management I could just say what I thought. If a project was going badly I could say it was going badly. If a decision from above seemed wrong I could say so to the people around me. If I was frustrated I could vent to a colleague and they would get it.

None of that is really available to me anymore.

I cannot tell my team when I think something coming down from leadership is genuinely misguided because I am supposed to present it with confidence. I cannot be honest about my own stress or uncertainty because I am supposed to be the stable one. I cannot vent to my direct reports because that is not fair on them. I cannot fully vent to my own manager because I do not want to look like I cannot handle things.

So I end up managing this constant internal filter where what I am actually thinking and what I am allowed to say out loud have almost nothing to do with each other.

The job is lonelier than I expected and I do not think anyone prepares you for that part. You are surrounded by people all day and somehow you end up being the one person in the room least able to speak freely.

Does anyone else feel this way and how do you actually deal with it?

A few weeks ago my coworker told me she had started seeing someone and asked me not to say anything to our mutual friend who also happens to be her direct manager. The relationship is not against any rules at work but she is just not ready for people to know yet, and she came to me specifically because she felt comfortable doing so.

The problem is that our mutual friend has started noticing something is different about her lately and has asked me a couple of times if I know what is going on. I have been giving vague answers which does not feel great, especially because this person is someone I am genuinely close with outside of work too.

I keep nudging my coworker to just tell her herself because I think it would go fine and honestly the longer this goes on the more uncomfortable I am getting sitting in the middle of it. But she is not ready yet and I cannot force her hand.

I do not want to break her trust because she came to me feeling safe enough to share something personal. But staying quiet around someone I care about is starting to feel off too.

AITA for keeping this between us until she decides she is ready to say something?

a couple months ago something happened at work between me and a coworker. im not getting into specifics because they dont change the question. what matters is that i ended up in a formal HR process with my job genuinely on the line for about a week. not me being dramatic. one of my closer coworkers asked if i wanted a labor attorney contact. that was the level we were at.

i gave my account. it was investigated properly. i was cleared. closed out in writing.

i came back the following monday and did my job.

but i changed something and im not pretending i didnt. i have been professional and civil with her since. i answer work emails. i dont freeze her out in meetings. i pay attention when shes presenting. but i dont grab coffee with her anymore. i dont add her to optional things. i dont share anything personal. i keep a clear distance and i do it on purpose.

she clocked it pretty quickly. came to me a few weeks ago she apologized and asked if we could go back to how things were.

i accepted the apology. i meant it. i dont need her to feel terrible forever. but i told her calmly that i was going to keep operating the way ive been operating because i need to look after myself in this job.

shes brought it up three more times since. each time more frustrated. last week she called my behavior ridiculous given that everything was resolved.

i sat with that word for a minute.

i told her resolved means the institution made a finding. it does not mean i forgot what that week felt like. it does not mean i owe the same level of access to someone whose actions almost cost me my career as i did before any of it happened.

shes still calling it ridiculous.

so here is what im actually asking. is keeping a coworker at professional distance after she nearly cost me my job wrong? am i required to fully reset because the formal process closed in my favor? does resolved actually mean coffee runs?

am i wrong?