u/BitchyPoodle

There’s awesome looking places that reoccur in my dreams. They look like neighborhoods I seen irl, but the houses are bigger, the neighborhoods are cleaner and with more lights around crosswalks a white color instead of the generic brownish color. And i just get this sense in my dreams like everything and everyone is more positive and abundant. However, in real life: the houses are mid and they look the same as every other house, the neighborhoods are dirty with plenty of narcissistic and disrespectful negative people, and there’s constantly the sense something is missing…

God hates me and should have never given me life..

If I was just born a girl, my life would have been better. But no, i have to suffer because I haven’t had surgery so I decided taking my life would be best since I can’t be how I want.. and there’s no excuse because other transwomen got surgery so if god is just gonna play with my life by letting humans withhold feminizing surgeries, then dying is better!!

God hates me and should have never given me life..

If I was just born a girl, my life would have been better. But no, i have to suffer because I haven’t had surgery so I decided taking my life would be best since I can’t be how I want.. and there’s no excuse because other transwomen got surgery so if my life is just gonna be played with by humans withhold feminizing surgeries, then dying is better!!

I been feeling empty for years from not having important emotional, physical, and personal needs met; and I know it’s cause I haven’t had lifesaving mtf gender affirming bottom surgery, but nobody cares and just seems to want me to die because it’s proven by psychologists and medical science that surgery will improve my life and let me be my true self, whereas without surgery will make transgirls off themselves. I should have drank the whole bottle of cleaning solution when I was a teenager after all because I’m not trying to be a mentally ill femboy for the rest of my life!! (No offense to other femboys, that’s just not who i really am)

If I did, then more people would take care of me like they did before, but now they think I’m needy and just want handouts, so i don’t know if I deserve living anymore

This life I have doesn’t matter, if it did, God would have fulfilled his promises that convinced me I could be the girl I know I am and felt truly loved by him if he did it. But since things just get messed up, just tell God to end my life already because he doesn’t love me and humans think I’m a nobody unimportant. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to suffer like this, it’s been over 20 years suffering, so there’s no point believing God since he lied to me and let humans make him look fake like he’s Santa clause or the Easter bunny.

This life I have doesn’t matter, if it did, God would have fulfilled his promises that convinced me I could be the girl I know I am and felt truly loved by him if he did it. But since things just get messed up, just tell God to end my life already because he doesn’t love me and humans think I’m a nobody unimportant. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to suffer like this, it’s been over 20 years suffering, so there’s no point going on.

There’s seems to be no hope and people just disrespect me and act like I’m worthless especially since i didnt get mtf feminizing surgeries and they’re lifesaving so what does that tell me? If I can’t be the girl I want to be and be true to myself authentically, then it just feels like a cursed hopeless life!

There’s no hope and everyone just disrespects me and act like I’m worthless especially since i didnt get mtf feminizing surgeries and they’re lifesaving so what does that tell me? If I can’t be the girl I want to be and be true to myself authentically, then there’s nothing left to live for in this cursed hopeless life!

There’s no hope and everyone just disrespects me and act like I’m worthless especially since i didnt get mtf feminizing surgeries and they’re lifesaving so what does that tell me? If I can’t be the girl I want to be and be true to myself authentically, then there’s nothing left to live for in this cursed hopeless life!

If he did, i would have the life I want and his “promises “ convinced me that I could and I see other people living things I want, so god should just kill me since he hates me so much and breaks his promises

This life is just a waste of time

I been bullied as a kid being the scapegoat in my toxic dysfunctional family and being tortured in schools, I was lied to about not being able to transition and be a girl since I was a teenager, I attempted suicide cause of that numerous times at 14, 16, 19, 22, and 23! I’m 25 now, i been transitioning for years taking hrt but still haven’t had male-to-female surgeries, i wanted to be a escort and was for a while, till clients stopped seeing me and only give me food or a little money.. I’m sick of being judged and looked down upon when I try getting help when people act like I’m whiny and attention seeking and manipulative or “rage-baiting”, which only makes me feel worse and thinks dying is a rational choice. I’m sick of being depressed and not being able to be or live authentically and people say I’m “larping” or I’m a wannabe! I’m sick of people saying I should see a therapist yet previous therapist acted as if they can’t help me as if I’m a lost cause! It’s all like people want me to die! Some even straight up told me to just kill myself and said they “have better girls with vaginas and sexier” and I don’t want to live a life being seen as a mentally ill nobody who everyone expects to just fail in life! THAT’S why I always wonder if dying is better because hopefully I can just be reborn as a beautiful feminine girl in a better world in a healthy and well-off family that protects and cares about me and never wants to see me suffer ever while I live my dream life happily and actually enjoy life instead of ever feeling like dying!

This life is just a waste of time

I been bullied as a kid being the scapegoat in my toxic dysfunctional family and being tortured in schools, I was lied to about not being able to transition and be a girl since I was a teenager, I attempted suicide cause of that numerous times at 14, 16, 19, 22, and 23! I’m 25 now, i been transitioning for years taking hrt but still haven’t had male-to-female surgeries, i wanted to be a escort and was for a while, till clients stopped seeing me and only give me food or a little money.. I’m sick of being judged and looked down upon when I try getting help when people act like I’m whiny and attention seeking and manipulative or “rage-baiting”, which only makes me feel worse and thinks dying is a rational choice. I’m sick of being depressed and not being able to be or live authentically and people say I’m “larping” or I’m a wannabe! I’m sick of people saying I should see a therapist yet previous therapist acted as if they can’t help me as if I’m a lost cause! It’s all like people want me to die! Some even straight up told me to just kill myself and said they “have better girls with vaginas and sexier” and I don’t want to live a life being seen as a mentally ill nobody who everyone expects to just fail in life! THAT’S why I always wonder if dying is better because hopefully I can just be reborn as a beautiful feminine girl in a better world in a healthy and well-off family that protects and cares about me and never wants to see me suffer ever while I live my dream life happily and actually enjoy life instead of ever feeling like dying!

I was upset because I feel like some people were ignoring me and I was feeling like my life was worthless and I was freaking out.. but I feel guilty now because I calmed down and some friends messaged me assuring me I’m fine. I’m sorry for worrying everyone..

I was upset because I feel like some people were ignoring me and I was feeling like my life was worthless and I was freaking out.. but I feel guilty now because I calmed down and some friends messaged me assuring me I’m fine. I’m sorry for worrying everyone..