u/Bitter-Educator-3008

So I have been friends with this girl for almost 10 years and it was from me dating my abusive ex boyfriend that I was introduced to her. She was also in an abusive relationship as well but she had 3 kids with this guy. She stayed with her abuser for 7 years and I was with mine for 4. She was friends with J (my abuser) before she was friends with me.

When o finally left the relationship she was super nice and amazing to me but I told her some of the stuff in how J treated me yet she kept bringing his name up into conversations.

J died by suicide almost a year after we broke up and I was the last one for him to make a voicemail too which I have only ever listened to once and never again.

Here’s the thing she knows that J was abusive like her ex fiance but she still talks so fondly of him to me and always brings up these great sides of him (she does not do this about her ex) and would say how good he is with the kids and a great friend to her. I wouldn’t say nothing except when she mentioned her ex and telling me about what he use to do to her I would tell her J was very similar in how he treated me and had other things he did to me as well.

She even said over the phone “I know you don’t like me talking about him but” and would tell me nice things he did and such all the time. I don’t know what to say about it. Does she not believe me ?

Also quick note she will go to visit a guy she is seeing in a small city 20 mins from me and she lives 2.5 hours away but can’t stop in to say hi to me or anything. It happened a lot.

I have BPD and my mom does too well I think…

What help do I get my mother?

So I found out that my mother has been lying a lot more about her health than I realized. She said she got a diagnosis from a Doctor Adam’s for BPD but now she is saying his resident made the diagnosis and she has no name for them at all and she never actually got an official diagnosis either. I know she is very unpredictable and I have some videos showing evidence of her throwing stuff at me. And evidence of her throwing stuff at me (which my family is hush hush about) my dad refuses to get her help and refuses to see my side or my siblings side of things.

My mother almost killed my older sister when she was 16/17 (I was 14/15 at the time and while writing this I’m getting pissed). My dad I’ll just give you a quote to show you his understanding of the situation when we told him that we were being abused as children “I am angry none of you girls (children) told me that you were getting abused” and his tone blames me and my sisters.

Anyways my mother is not going to the doctor her pee legit whenever I go to the bathroom she uses I CAN SMELL IT. I went to the doctor because I thought it was me but nope it was her and I told her to get it checked out but she refuses to all the time. And I know she doesn’t go to doctor only when she needs more of her prescription medication she is addicted to like her room looks like a pharmacy with how many pills she’s on and wonders why she can’t think straight. She doesn’t look at the warning papers for anything and it’s just baffling. She lies so much I can’t believe her anymore. But I get in shit from my dad and younger sister. She hurts my cat when she’s mad at me. Doesn’t like me recording her (I wonder why).

My sisters have told me if I called the cops on her then I would be pretty much disowned???? Lmfao okay. So I’m currently trying not to go insane while living at the house because I’m getting back on my feet again.

I live on Saskatchewan Canada 🇨🇦

I don’t know what to do anymore. She’s literally virtually cheated on my dad while also sending money from their joint account to someone like a scammer because she thought he was going to come “save her” and she has all of her stuffed packed in boxes like she is ready to leave any minute. My dad is in denial about her but she clearly shows she does not care he is too fucked and he just wants his “family better” but how?!? How can that happen?!

I am at the point where when I leave here I never want to see anybody here again. And don’t care about ever coming back.

So for some details I have reached out to both groups of friends about my mental health before and was left with them not replying to me and only the one girl replied to me trying to help me because she had major depression like myself so it’s always nice to be able to talk to her. But she doesn’t reach out or when made plans she forgot to tell the rest of the group chat which fair but it’s still a pain.

Like is it bad to expect my friends to try to be there for me when I’m at my lowest and reach out to them? I don’t expect them to read my mind but I was in terrible pain and none of them really were there for me. And whenever I send topics to them via messages when it’s me sending them I get ignored.

Now everyone has been different SINCE I have told them I started apprenticing for tattooing. They message me a lot more and tell me that I can practice on them. No indication of paying me at all, the way they communicated just seemed like they were entitled to my work because we are friends but yet I haven’t been feeling reciprocated with friendship. I feel like I’m constant a burden whenever I text them or they get annoyed and that’s why they don’t reply. I have even told them before just some type of indication for communication as it makes me feel like complete utter shit whenever they never reply but obviously it hasn’t helped at all.

I just need advice on how to handle these friendships because I’m so confused on what to do. I have told them I’ll be $80 an hour when I start and haven’t heard anything since.

Like if any of my friends had a service I would be paying them FULL for it. I don’t want no discounts or anything because it’s me fully supporting their small business and helping them grow as it’s expensive. At this point I only feel like they keep me around and started doing nice things for me because I’m becoming a tattoo artist and it legit breaks my cold fucking heart. I know I can be a terrible friend and still have work to do on myself. I just rather have those around me who care.

So for some details I have reached out to both groups of friends about my mental health before and was left with them not replying to me and only the one girl replied to me trying to help me because she had major depression like myself so it’s always nice to be able to talk to her. But she doesn’t reach out or when made plans she forgot to tell the rest of the group chat which fair but it’s still a pain.

Like is it bad to expect my friends to try to be there for me when I’m at my lowest and reach out to them? I don’t expect them to read my mind but I was in terrible pain and none of them really were there for me. And whenever I send topics to them via messages when it’s me sending them I get ignored.

Now everyone has been different SINCE I have told them I started apprenticing for tattooing. They message me a lot more and tell me that I can practice on them. No indication of paying me at all, the way they communicated just seemed like they were entitled to my work because we are friends but yet I haven’t been feeling reciprocated with friendship. I feel like I’m constant a burden whenever I text them or they get annoyed and that’s why they don’t reply. I have even told them before just some type of indication for communication as it makes me feel like complete utter shit whenever they never reply but obviously it hasn’t helped at all.

I just need advice on how to handle these friendships because I’m so confused on what to do. I have told them I’ll be $80 an hour when I start and haven’t heard anything since.

Like if any of my friends had a service I would be paying them FULL for it. I don’t want no discounts or anything because it’s me fully supporting their small business and helping them grow as it’s expensive. At this point I only feel like they keep me around and started doing nice things for me because I’m becoming a tattoo artist and it legit breaks my cold fucking heart. I know I can be a terrible friend and still have work to do on myself. I just rather have those around me who care.

So for some details I have reached out to both groups of friends about my mental health before and was left with them not replying to me and only the one girl replied to me trying to help me because she had major depression like myself so it’s always nice to be able to talk to her. But she doesn’t reach out or when made plans she forgot to tell the rest of the group chat which fair but it’s still a pain.

Like is it bad to expect my friends to try to be there for me when I’m at my lowest and reach out to them? I don’t expect them to read my mind but I was in terrible pain and none of them really were there for me. And whenever I send topics to them via messages when it’s me sending them I get ignored.

Now everyone has been different SINCE I have told them I started apprenticing for tattooing. They message me a lot more and tell me that I can practice on them. No indication of paying me at all, the way they communicated just seemed like they were entitled to my work because we are friends but yet I haven’t been feeling reciprocated with friendship. I feel like I’m constant a burden whenever I text them or they get annoyed and that’s why they don’t reply. I have even told them before just some type of indication for communication as it makes me feel like complete utter shit whenever they never reply but obviously it hasn’t helped at all.

I just need advice on how to handle these friendships because I’m so confused on what to do. I have told them I’ll be $80 an hour when I start and haven’t heard anything since.

Like if any of my friends had a service I would be paying them FULL for it. I don’t want no discounts or anything because it’s me fully supporting their small business and helping them grow as it’s expensive. At this point I only feel like they keep me around and started doing nice things for me because I’m becoming a tattoo artist and it legit breaks my cold fucking heart. I know I can be a terrible friend and still have work to do on myself. I just rather have those around me who care.