u/Bloody_Gleek

It's 6 in the morning and a dog has been barking nonstop for over an hour. I have no clue where it is coming from and I can't stand it, it's driving me crazy! I just want to confront the person and let them know that I'm concerned about their dog and that it's been barking nonstop for a long while. Has anyone, who is hard-of-hearing, had this issue before?

I don't have my hearing aids and I still faintly hear it (it has high-pitched barks). I don't want to wear headphones, sensory issues. What can I do?

After a lot of thinking, her alters not having the desire to get to know me, but rather are getting to know me because I want to get to know them, is a deal breaker for me.

There's nothing wrong with them not having the natural desire to want to get to know me, it's just that it's hard to see them as their own different individual person, I see them as a whole but with their own opinions, sexualities, gender, etc etc. and the fact that only one alter, out of the rest of them, genuinely has been getting to know me breaks my heart.

Four years into this relationship and I have told them multiple times that I would love to get to know them and that I would enjoy chatting with them again, but in all fairness, all I ever did was tell my girlfriend to say ‘hi' to them, hoping they'd eventually start to actively remember I'm here, if that makes sense. I didn't communicate how it hurt until last year. No change. Only “we will soon. I look forward to getting to know you”. Over and over.

This April-May however, there has been an attempt. I told them again that I want to get to know them and that I've been feeling like I don't matter, especially after lurking around here, making posts myself and learning that it would be healthy if they at least got to know me better (that's when it started to hurt more, it got hard to cope). The thing is, I can tell they don't have the natural want to get to know me, it's a chore. We talked about this. They didn't tell me it was a chore or anything, but I did ask what is the point of this? I feel really bad making them feel like they MUST get to know me, especially since there's already trust between us from the start. They said they don't have a reason to come out or be active as a system, they said they're just being active because I want to get to know them.

That is fine and I can understand, but it breaks my heart. Yes, the alter that I'm dating adores me and I'm in a very healthy relationship with her, but it's still hard to not feel rejected when she is the only person in the whole system who is actually interested in me (not strictly romantically, I mean overall genuinely wanting to know me and hang out with me).

I don't expect the whole system to want to get to know me, but again, it hurts that only one has ever been interested in me at all… I don't want to leave because I love HER, but I also love all of her alters even if some dislike me, they just don't interact with me unless I interact with them first. I'm hurting really bad right now and I feel like I've been selfish for this. I've been trying so hard to not care, because I wish I could be absolutely fine not caring to get to know her alters, as long as I'm in a happy and in a healthy relationship with my girlfriend, but after coping and shoving aside my wants to get to know her system, the pain came back and strong after attempting to actively get to know the system, and the feeling of rejection is so strong on this one when I can tell there is no actual desire to get to know me.

Again, nothing wrong with that, it's just a massive dealbreaker for me, and I have been so unfair staying, hoping things would change, communication after communication. I took the hint and I still stayed, working on myself to stop caring about them. But I fucking can't and I feel so pathetic and embarassed for chasing after them.

I'm just trying not to care, but I feel like I will always care, and staying in a relationship I feel so much pain in feels unfair for her, and unhealthy for me.

I don't want to leave because I AM in love with my girlfriend, but I don't want to stay because it hurts so, so much. Is there any way to not care about getting to know her alters? I'd still be with them with open arms if they ever actually want to get to know me at some point, but I don't want to care to the point of being in pain.

Edit: I forgot to add that the reason why I'm unsure whether to leave or not is because this pain isn't consistent, it's a phase that occurs sometimes. The majority of the relationship I manage to not care and yea I get bummed out but it wouldn't get to me. It's been so long since I have felt this pain while being in a relationship with her, which is why I don't want to make any quick decisions just yet.

Hi everyone! Not what I was expecting to wake up to, but I appreciate the supportive comments. 💕 I've read over them and we have come to an understanding that we just aren't compatible and have different needs and desires. As rough as it was, we'll be okay in the long run. Thank you everybody. 🫶

I can't for the life of me find any answers. Everytime I look it up, I just see results of the Yoshi song. I've been seeing comments of the same thing, someone please fill me in. 😭

I know this is really stupid, I've been going through a lot and I misunderstood the date of the graduation. Apparently it's on the 18th of May. Since it's Saturday I haven't been able to contact admissions. Can I purchase my cap and gown on the day of graduation? I read I can't walk without my cap and gown.

Edit: I FOUND ONE ON FB MARKETPLACE! THANK Y'ALL!!!!

Like [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/s/Sau9aGElh6), for example. I'm using an Android but I can use my laptop if needed. I did try looking this up, but either I didn't word myself correctly in the search, or there isn't really advice online that would appear easily.

Thank y'all, I appreciate it!

Like this, for example. I'm using an Android but I can use my laptop if needed. I did try looking this up, but either I didn't word myself correctly in the search, or there isn't really advice online that would appear easily.

Thank y'all, I appreciate it!

Sorry, this is my first time posting here. This is the closest flair I can find that fits, but I don't mind advice. Thank you, everyone. 🫶

I feel like I don't do enough for people, and if I do something, it's not genuine. For example, my girlfriend is so giving, we both looooove food, and she has been able to afford gifting me lots of food and gifts, meanwhile I'm struggling with my own food, gas, college studies, etc etc. So when I find an opportunity to have something to give her, there's always a reason it's ingenuine, and in some cases, that is true. Like if I do something nice back, it tends to be for my own selfish anxiety relief that I did something I owe, which is different from being nice just for the sake of it. And I struggle knowing if it's also because I want to show my gratitude, hence the "owe" pressure, or if it's just pure selfishness. I feel like that doesn't make sense, I'm so sorry. I had a hard time wording that.

Anyway, I'm sorry for losing track. Say I made food and I think about her. *Gasp* I can give this to her! "You didn't make the food for her in the first place, so it's ingenuine."

I get takeout then I have leftovers. Oh! Oh! I know she would love this! "You're just using her like trash because you don't want to let the food go bad, or throw it away."

I know she's been wanting Chinese rice lately, that's exactly what I'm going to do! "You're not doing this out of your heart, you're only being kind in return."

I have been so paranoid about everything I do, feel, and say. I celebrated with my mom on Mother's Day, but everything I did was fake of me because I did it specifically on Mother's Day. Telling people "I love you" before we leave all because I saw a 9/11 video of a father saying "I still feel peace because the last thing I said to my sons was 'I love you'," is so scummy. Imagine if people died and the last thing you told them was a fake "I love you". Am I fetishizing DID for badly wanting to get to know my girlfriend's alters? What if I really am a bad person for apologizing for my sake instead of actually feeling sorry for someone? Both? Doesn't matter, the ingenuine intent would still exist.

I am constantly apologizing to my classmates, and I noticed they've been getting annoyed lately while trying to be very kind about it. I've gotten better at it after seeing the way they all are to each other. They seem to not take things seriously. I guess this anxiety comes from people, close to me, who are often reassuring then turn around to be openly annoyed by someone. "Oh of course, Carol! Don't worry about it, I didn't take it that way!" turns around, "Ugh, I can't stand Carol! She was so inconsiderate and unaware of it!" And probably because of the whole "my therapist told me that being nice to avoid conflict is being manipulative and being ingenuine" that I've heard several times from different people...

My paranoia stems from the kind of person I am, and the kind of person people perceive me to be.

I don't even know if this is part of my OCD. I notice that I care way too much about what other people think of me, but when I start to actually question the kind of person I am, that's when I know it's part of my OCD (that or I could be faking just to feel like a good person for being "oh so caring") I hate nights. So quiet... full of thoughts and paranoia... had to make a post about it...

Hi everyone! I'm not sure if this specific part is inappropriate to say, but I'm regressed at the moment, so I feel very bubbly and chipper and everything! As my girlfriend likes to call it. :3 I badly want to tell her peeps that I love eemmm soooo much!!! And I can, I'm just shy because one of them is shy and has boundaries that give me the impression that saying "I love you" too soon can make things awkward heheh (and there's several other private reasons about the others), so I don't want to make them feel any pressure saying "I love you" back or feel uncomfortable even when they know I don't mean anything intimate. Like how I say "I love you" to my classmates! c:

I'm going to tell them "I love you" at some point pretty soon! I'm just waiting until they feel comfortable enough around me, as of now, I just want to hear about other systems being told I love you! >w< I'm not asking for advice or anything this time, we're actually getting along and I feel hecka bubblyyyyy!!! It's like a package. You want it to arrive so bad so instead you hear about other people's experiences! :3

Edit: I told them! They said it back but specified "but platonically" 🤣 So yea we need a lil more time to adjust heheh

I feel like everything has to be said, and that every sentence I use holds everything else I say up. It feels as if, if I were to remove one part, then everything else will not make sense, or that I will not express myself the way I want to because I can think of so many different ways my wording can come off.

This obsession has been stressing me out, especially online since I'm currently asking for advice and I just keep talking and talking and talking. I understand that I have to choose the most important sentences, and while I can spot which ones I feel most important, I still feel like everything else is also too important to be left out.

I'm not wordy very often, but I've slowly have been becoming wordier and wordier, all I can think about is the many perspectives people can have, and the gaps I can fill in, as well as misunderstandings than can occur despite many things being inevitable since there are so many different kinds people in the world, there's no way to appease them all, and yet I blabber on and on.

I think the issue is the feeling of "wait, before you educate me on something, let me show you that I do know about this," if that even makes sense. Autonomy? I apologize, I don't know if that's the right word. The feeling of being independent and not feeling stupid. Idk if any of this is important, but I have autism and OCD.

Ok, there, I done. I want to say more but I feel like this is all that's needed. Thank you, everyone!

Edit: OH! I forgot to ask the main thing of this post! How can I not be wordy? How can I stop being anxious about "leaving information out"?

This is a much shorter and cleaner version, but along with the update! This is if you want to read the rest of the details. I try not to be wordy :') I just do feel know what is important to say and what is redundant. I hope this is enough information!

This follows up from my previous post and I actually took y'all's suggestions, which I super appreciate!! I brought it up with my girlfriend and she totally got it. She said she'd feel the same way if the roles were reversed, and she'll make an effort to bond more with her family. Although I don't really know how much she bonded with them after she left her abusive "home".

The thing is, I know it's a lot of work on their part. They're not used to switching and fronting like they used to, and as someone who isn't a system, I have no way of knowing what it's really like to put into this sort of effort, especially mentally. I did tell her it would be nice to know how her system also works, because everytime I would vent about something like being sad that I don't know her alters anymore (I didn't really get to personally know them), there's always something new I'm learning about her and I end up feeling like a crappy partner.

Like for example, I told her how I felt like I wasn't being acknowledged and that I wasn't being met in the middle. I would tell my girlfriend to tell her peeps I said "hi" and that I hope they're doing okay, every single day. I stopped at some point because they got annoyed one time, but after a year later, I started telling my girlfriend to greet her family for me (just not everyday this time), and at some point I was informed that they like how I remember that they still exist, they feel acknowledged, so I continued to indirectly greet them! :D I stopped because I felt alone, like I was doing my part in trying to get to know all of my partner, but it felt like they wouldn't meet me in the middle, even though I have expressed several times that I get excited when they come out and that I miss when whenever they'd leave, that I want to actually get to know them. They'd tell me they'd love to soon.

My girlfriend says they are actually fond of me and trust me. She says that even her protector (he doesn't like me) trusts me and that he just doesn't tolerate people in general. So it's not that they don't want to talk to me, they just don't know how long it has passed.

I'm not sure what to do. Am I being unfair? They agree they'll work on getting used to switching so that they can get to know me (I'm excited because my gf and I talked about their boundaries and interests, so I bought some things they can enjoy and feel comfortable when we bond!). I don't know if I'm asking for too much. I told her that I want them to take as much time needed, and that really I just want to know if I'm ever going to get to know them at some point, and when, so that I don't make them feel any pressure by trying to greet them everyday or something, you know? So far they want to do it, but please let me know if there is another way to go about this. :')

This is coming from my last post and I listened to y'all's advice, which I really appreciate! I brought it up to my girlfriend and she understood. She told me she would feel the same way if she were in my position, and that she'll try to get close with her family.

The thing is, I know it's a lot of work on their part. They're not used to switching and fronting like they used to, and as a singlet, I have no way of knowing what it's really like to put into this sort of effort, especially mentally. I did tell her it would be nice to know how her system also works, because everytime I would vent about something like being sad that I don't know her alters anymore (I didn't really get to personally know them), there's always something new I'm learning about her and I end up feeling like a crappy partner.

Like for example, I told her how I felt like I wasn't being acknowledged and that I wasn't being met in the middle. I would tell my girlfriend to tell her peeps I said "hi" and that I hope they're doing okay, every single day. I stopped at some point because they got annoyed one time, but after a year later, I started telling my girlfriend to greet her family for me (just not everyday this time), and at some point I was informed that they like how I remember that they still exist, they feel acknowledged, so I continued to indirectly greet them! :] I stopped because I felt alone, like I was doing my part in trying to get to know all of my partner, but it felt like they wouldn't meet me in the middle, even though I have expressed several times that I get excited when they come out and that I miss when whenever they'd leave, that I want to actually get to know them. They'd tell me they'd love to soon.

I waited, I felt so sad but I didn't want to pressure them and make my emotional issues their burden, so about a year later, the feeling of rejection and lack of acknowledgement grew, it bottled up, and I vented recently. Turns out they never really knew how long time has passed, and that there weren't really any emotions in headspace, and I felt so awful for telling my girlfriend how I feel, I don't want them to feel any pressure. She said there's nothing much she can do about it, but that she will try.

I'm still unsure if I should continue to blame myself. I blame myself for assuming they didn't want to get to know me and just had a hard time telling me (that was very wrong of me), but I still hold resentment that they didn't give me the opportunity to get to know how their system works, because I thought that lurking around here and asking questions was enough, when in reality, systems are a lot more different than I thought.

I don't know how much of a right I am to feel how I do, and if it's fair to express those hurt feelings to my girlfriend. I've seen several posts about systems having partners that don't even want to get to know the system and only want to get to know one part (how can you not be curious about your partner?! IT BLOWS MY FUCKING MIND AND IT ANGERS ME BECAUSE WTF! WHY CAN'T I HAVE THAT “ISSUE”? oH nO, tHe OtHeRs WaNt To GeT tO kNoW mE, THE HORROR! Yes I'm jealous, and I know it's unhealthy so I try not to read those posts. My gf and I talked about this and we laugh it off cause yea, it's silly of me to react this way lol), and the comments are filled with the fact that it truly is sad that the partner is basically saying “I don't like 99% of you, and I only like this 1% specific part of you).

As for posts about alters not liking the singlet partner, the majority of the time there's a chance that the partner is toxic, and that other alters tend to pick up things that the host(s) don't usually do, so I worry that I'm doing something that's affecting their system, but so far my girlfriend says they are actually fond of me and trust me, they're grateful that I am her partner and nothing like her exes. She says that even her protector (he doesn't like me) trusts me and that he just doesn't tolerate people in general.

I'm not sure what to do. Am I being unfair? They agree they'll work on getting used to switching so that they can get to know me (I'm excited because my gf and I talked about their boundaries and interests, so I bought some things they can enjoy and feel comfortable when we bond!). I don't know if I'm asking for too much. I told her that I want them to take as much time needed, and that really I just want to know if I'm ever going to get to know them at some point, and when, so that I don't make them feel any pressure by trying to greet them everyday or something, you know?

They say it's fine and that they want to get to know me and stop making my girlfriend the messenger between me and the system, but I feel like I pressured them into getting to know me even though it's not my place to dictate what they feel and what they think. I need to stop assuming just because my partner isn't really open about her feelings and their system. It's just two alters that are going to get to know me (I am more than delighted!), the others aren't interested in coming out, and I can understand that!

I've been told "if it is affecting you this much then you shouldn't be in the relationship" before, but this is all just OCD. It's gotten so much better, but because this involves my partner, a system, and something I don't experience (DID), I'm going to be paranoid and obsess with this, I'll never be certain. :') I did suggest to my gf that we should know about how systems work, on this sub! There are things we learned that we didn't know, so this is a new experience for us together!

Hi, everyone! I guess I'm having a sad day today, so this one is bugging me. I'm alright though, this sometimes comes up. When I'm sad, certain things come up and they start bothering me, but when I'm not sad, those things don't bother me.

I'm unsure why this is, but I've always wanted to personally get to know my girlfriend's family (as in, the system). I've had puppy crushes on them, but nothing serious because I never really got to know them. I only got to know her protector, and while he was such an asshole, I wouldn't mind getting to know the guy again, but my girlfriend forbade him from talking to me again, and even coming out. She says he's still a prick and that he would still mistreat me, so I understand, and I don't believe it is my place to say anything about that.

The other members though, especially two of them, they're very chill and kind people. I've barely spoken to them. The one I spoke to the most was her protector, but like I said, he was abusive, and after my girlfriend moved in with her father (her dad is a good parent btw! It was her mother and stepdad that were abusive) three years ago, her family members just... never really came out again. They've only come out like... 2, maybe 3 times afterwards, as far as I'm aware, but we wouldn't have an actual talk, just "hey yea, so this happened and she's just taking a small break. Oh, she wants to come back, okay we'll talk to you later. Take care!" They're really cool, I wish them the best!

Four years ago, when I was 18 and my gf was 16, we started dating. We've been friends before she became aware of her alters, so I adore all of her alters, even her ex-prosecutor and her protector. I don't know why, I absolutely love them and feel so endeared towards them all despite not really knowing them. I fell in love with her way before we dated, so I see her separate self in every alter, because that's what they are! They are all each other, but their own people.

I'm just so heartbroken I never got to be friends with them. I lurk around this subreddit chronically lol, and I understand that yes, I am dating them all, we just don't feel it because we don't talk at all. They don't have feelings for me, because maybe they are parts of her that didn't like me when we were younger. My girlfriend said she had a crush on me, so maybe that's why she started developing deeper feelings when she "split", if that's the word (I'm aware that systems were never whole in the first place, and that we are all born "split", but I don't really know how feelings work when systems form). Because the host (my gf) was the part that had the crush on me, she is the one in love with me, while the rest don't have feelings for me.

I've read that it is actually healthy to love every alter, and honestly, I love reading that! I read that if you only love one/some of them, but don't have feelings for the others, then you don't really love your partner as a whole. I enjoy that I love her, and I mean everything about her. It's different when the rest of the alters don't have feelings for you, because it doesn't stop that my girlfriend absolutely loves me. 💕 I'm still sad, y'know? Four years and they still won't get to know me personally, and I feel very unreasonable about it because they have the right to not get to know me, there's nothing wrong with that.

I did communicate to my girlfriend about this and was open to her about how I felt, and while I wasn't rude about it, I still feel bad for telling her how I feel because she told me that, in headspace, you don't really have the concept of time, you don't really feel emotions the same way you do as when you front. So this whole time I thought they just didn't want to get to know me, they just weren't aware how long time has passed after telling me "yea, we can talk soon. We're a family and we all love each other" whenever I'd ask if they wanna sit down and chat, I had no idea they weren't aware. I never really got to know how her system works... (shit, is it disrespectful of me getting amotional about this?)

Anyway, I know I'm coming off as clingy and that I have unhealthy emotional issues to work on, because I do, just a lot less compared to last time, and I do communicate this with my girlfriend whenever I start to feel rejected. Again, I am aware this is very unhealthy and emotionally immature, but I promise I have made a lot of progress on this! I make sure this doesn't get in the way of my behavior and my relationship with my girlfriend. I've talked to her about this recently, and they did attempt to get to know me, but I'm assuming it takes motivation to want to come out and talk to me, especially since they haven't fronted in so long; it's probably been a year since the last time before they tried to get to know me.

Either way, the idea of them coming out only to talk to me seems... I dunno- I've told them they can do whatever they want and that they shouldn't feel like their purpose to switch is just to talk to me, but they've expressed they don't really have anything to do when fronting other than talk to me, so I shouldn't have to worry about that, so I get it! They told me that's why they don't really come out, they don't feel a reason to come out, and I respect that. 💕

I apologize about this long vent. I'll be okay the next day. I understand that this isn't “normal”, but to me it's just something silly that I feel every once in a blue moon, it doesn't impact my life haha. I just wish I got to know all of her, and maybe I will in the future. I guess what I want to ask is, is it okay to be sad about this? I feel sooo much better crying it out, and I completely stop caring about it, but lately I've been telling myself to not cry, otherwise I'm not actually respecting their choices, so I pretend to myself that I don't care every once in a while.

Idk, I'm just scared of being told “break up with your girlfriend if it is affecting you this much”, because I feel like I'm not wording myself correctly. It only started to affect me when I started to force myself to not cry, and to fake it ‘till I make it, that being “I am not sad about this! Nope, not at all! Because if I am then I am not respecting their choices!” Or maybe it's just my OCD going overkill…