I typically don’t have it in me to have so much hate in my heart but I am able to reserve ALL of it for this bobble headed douchebag.

A few years ago all he was to anyone was the old guy on the box of Monopoly, which is already the worst board game you could pull out at any game night, no different than serving unbuttered white bread slices at a buffet. That was bad enough, but ever since Monopoly GO has come out, Hasbro has been pushing the SHIT out of the character for their shitty mobile slop game.

This desperate push to make this blank slate rich guy the next famous goofy mascot is so forced. Ads are everywhere, invasive and strictly unpleasant. Idk if I’m the only one but this stupid Simpson’s crossover event for Monopoly GO has been advertised all over the Internet with an animation that to this day I’m still wrapping my head over how much AI has been used in the final product. Watch it for yourself online; out of the choppy animation, robotic script and uncanny voices used, at least one of them has to be the work of generative AI.

Mr Monopoly will NEVER be the next SpongeBob or Minions. Nobody likes him, this generation especially doesn’t like what he represents, and with the board game now being the weakest option no matter how many terrible spinoffs and crossovers they slap onto the formula, all of this is in an attempt to keep their pervasive and rigged phone game relevant. He is boring, unflattering, and dated. Monopoly Go fuck yourself

Spy (Team Fortress 2) - In the 'Meet the Spy' cinematic for Team Fortress 2, a BLU Spy is interrupted during a dramatic monologue about a RED Spy that has infiltrated their base with a shotgun blast to the head by his fellow Soldier, believing that he was an impostor all along. This is followed up by the real RED Spy revealing himself and violently stabbing the rest of the BLU team to death.

Bi-Plane (Invincible) - While monologuing about his evil plan to blow up himself and the city of Denver, Immortal swiftly grabs him and swings him into space. Not only does his plan fail, but he is swiftly killed by the elements of space.

Crazy Dave (Plants Vs. Zombies) - While stumbling over his words trying to remember the weakness to the final boss of the game, a Bungee zombie swiftly steals him, leaving nothing but his hat behind. Unlike the other two examples, he isn't killed, but is seen still being dangled by the same zombie during the credits.

This is a VERY long and passionate rant, be warned but PLEASE read the last few paragraphs at least if you have any interest in bettering the franchise's reputation. You can make a difference, as individual as we all are. I promise.

I have grown up with Plants Vs Zombies for YEARS. My dad handed me the game on mobile not long after that version released back in 2011 when I was only 6 years old, and that was it. I was hooked, and the game became my identity for years. I played PvZ Adventures; I was with PvZ 2 back when it first released and I steadily followed every new world release. I completed the stickerbook, played every version of the original game (DS; console; GOTY), bought the comics to read online, played hundreds of hours of both Garden Warfare games combined, and I even played and thoroughly enjoyed Heroes as much as it wasn't my kind of genre. My dad even baked me a Plants vs Zombies themed cake for one of my birthdays (the photo above). I was absolutely obsessed, because the first two games were made with genuine passion and love. The music, art and gameplay - ALL crafted with so much care and consideration for every kind of player.

I'm not trying to prove I was the biggest fan of Plants vs Zombies, but what's important was that I was a fan just like everyone else here. The state of the franchise might be one of the worst I've ever seen from any piece of media. Every single aspect of this franchise helmed by PopCap/EA has become a husk of what it once was:

- The mobile version, the one I first experienced, has been gutted. So much visual clutter and mechanics withheld all for the express purpose of manipulating the player into watching ads of games that all serve the same purpose of trying to grab as much money from your wallet as possible.

- RePlanted, a game that manipulated us as a proper return-to-form remaster of the original, was put in charge of a team that not only had zero clue, but zero care about respecting what made Plants Vs Zombies so great. AI upscaling, countless bugs that were never in the original, FAKE concept art, and besides a very eye-catching CGI trailer, some of the most out-of-touch and pathetic marketing I have ever seen for a game. A fake livestream with over-the-top annoying voices plastered over gameplay of an inferior version of a $5 game that costs over FOUR TIMES the price? What are we doing here? What the hell happened? EA buying the franchise definitely had its impacts, but it likewise brought us more ambitious and expansive titles like the Garden Warfare games and PvZ2, so it can't all be chalked up to them.

- Speaking of which, the Garden Warfare games are dead and buried. GW1's servers are gone, which is fine, we still have the second game... now full of unchecked hackers and exploits that made it impossible for me to get back into it when it came to Steam a few years back. The game costs money, and online play has always been one of the biggest appeals, so it is within their right to at least make the game playable.

- Plants Vs Zombies 2 might have had the worst downfall of them all. The game always had flaws at its core, but as I remember, it used to be a genuinely respectable successor to the first game. Then they added plant levelling, gutted the content and bloated the plant roster with so many premiums that have zero respect for the game's balancing and artstyle. The game is so overwhelmingly grindy and revolves around the most pathetic and pay-to-win PvP mode that somehow manages to be less intuitive and creative than the original versus mode back in the console/DS versions of the game.

And fast forward to Plants Vs Zombies 3, a game anticipated for well over a decade, and they have made fumble after fumble. It would be forgivable if each instalment didn't get greedier while doubling down on the worst ideas. The 1st build had this ugly 3D artstyle, but it was at least unique and somewhat upheld the grittiness that the first two games. The 2nd build transformed the artstyle back to 2D, but then they copy... Gardenscapes of all games? No PvZ fan would have ever asked for Plants Vs Zombies - a lane-based tower defense - to copy a match-three mobile game where you complete basic puzzles for the mental stimulation of adding a cosmetic gate or flower vase to a virtual mansion. But that build didn't work out either, and people were starting to believe that PvZ3 was fully cancelled.

And here we are now at the modern build, and it's an absolutely shameless rip-off of a fan-game PvZ Fusion. I'll talk about fangames in a little while (with plenty of praise), but for now, PopCap's take on it is somehow even LAZIER and more predatory than the last two. A Plant Pass? A zen garden with three (I don't count the fourth one iykyk) plant pots that forces you to wait for HOURS (unless you watch an ad!) to grind out seed packets to individually level plants/fusions so they can do an extra 2-4 damage against exponentially levelled zombies in randomly generated levels with ZERO identity. There's nothing to chew on here, and despite being in a beta, $30 bundles for coins and seed packets that are clearly targeted toward the youngest of children because it's a "67" bundle. I wish I could make this up, but I literally couldn't play more than 10 minutes of this build before groaning and wiping the game from my phone. The other builds at least held my attention for a good couple of hours, and maybe this build is objectively better, but I'm not going to play a 2/10 mobile game just because it's not a 1/10 mobile game.

I actually can't believe what this franchise has become. The only thing holding up its reputation are the fans. Some of you are absurdly talented, capable of taking PvZ1 and expanding it with new ideas and content (PvZ DLC mod Fusion). PvZ2 is no different, with Reflourished/Gardendless also being amazing alternatives to the awful over-monetised mess that modern PvZ2 became a long time ago. I know nothing about the creators of these mods, other than the fact that all of them are more competent in making PvZ content than PopCap/EA could ever imagine. Their work upholds WHY we adore this franchise as rotten as it's become in its official titles.

WHAT CAN WE DO? (A LOT!)

As much as we all may feel powerless to get the franchise into better shape, there are plenty of things we can do both big and small to potentially convince PopCap/EA to put more resources and especially thought into one of the most successful indie stories in gaming. Let me throw in a few ideas, but any comments here are more than welcome to discuss further!

- BE RESPECTFUL! This one is a golden rule. No threats, no harassment and no witchhunting or blaming any individuals at PopCap or EA. Nothing productive comes from spewing anger and insults at anyone no matter how frustrating the state of this franchise has become. The goal here isn't to demonise anyone, but to firmly let PopCap know how much we want the franchise to succeed, and that we aren't going to accept the current quality standard of their games. Let's not be toxic or rude to anyone, to make this message as strong as possible.

- LEAVE A REVIEW! I'm not saying to review-bomb any game, but the point of a review is for a consumer to gauge what they like and dislike about the product. The rating is a decent metric, but providing actual feedback about what needs to change and what can stay will give guidance for PopCap in the event that they end up actually listening to the fans. If you like the state of Plants vs Zombies on mobile, PvZ2, or even PvZ3, then say that with chest and feel free to leave a positive review. Nobody should shame you for having an opinion. However, if you are dissatisfied with the current state of the games, or hate the predatory aspects, then likewise leave a negative review. I personally will be giving Plants Vs Zombies 1, 2 & 3 one-star reviews on the app store and I will briefly and clearly state why. Take just 5 minutes out of your day to tell the creators of your favorite franchise how you feel about their products, otherwise there won't be any change. Even if you think the games are "fine" as they are, that's a lot of room for growth.

- GET VOCAL! Reddit, Twitter/X/Bluesky, Discord, whatever social media you feel comfortable expressing your opinions on the franchise. Get talking, and let more people out of the loop know exactly what's happened to that fun, cozy game. Not everyone will care, but a lot of people grew up playing these games and those not actively in the community might want to join in on improving the state of the franchise. Alternatively, message your favorite PvZ content creator to push this message further. They're not obliged to join in, and remember to be respectful to them as well, but there's no harm in trying to get people with more influence involved. It can be argued that, for example, hey1mjay's video on PvZ mobile led to the backlash resulting in PopCap responding (not with a lot of sincerity, but that doesn't mean we should give up). Also, George Fan - The original creator of Plants Vs Zombies - has expressed AVIDLY how much he wants to work on the franchise again and help the new team come to grasp with what made it special in the first place. PopCap ignoring him after laying him off 15 years ago is undeserved and honestly very disrespectful. Let PopCap AND George Fan know just how important he has been in making the original game good, and that he deserves credit and a chance to help.

- SUPPORT MODDERS (OR GOTY)! As I said, many mod creators are pillars of this community. If you want Plants Vs Zombies content without wanting to support the current practices of the official games, then play PvZ Fusion or the DLC mod or any other mod that catches your eye because I promise it does not take much hassle to get those installed. Play Reflourished or Gardendless for full PvZ2 content that isn't locked behind malicious grinding and microtransactions designed to drain your wallet and fill theirs. If you want something vanilla, then Game of the Year Edition is $5 and will run perfectly on low-end PCs. It's also the only official PvZ game easily available that hasn't been wrecked by modern-day corporate scumminess. No microtransactions, just the full game and all the love that comes with it. Leave GOTY a good review as well, if you already haven't!

- BE PATIENT! In a perfect world, PopCap/EA sees the rising tension from the consumers and begins fixing things within a week. This will probably not happen, but that doesn't mean it won't eventually happen. Boycott giving them any of your money if you feel they do not deserve it. Your money and time is what keeps any business going, so why sink either of those into something you're not satisfied with, especially when there are so many better alternatives?

CONCLUSION

I promise that I made this post with the hopes of one day leading to Plants Vs Zombies as a franchise returning to that golden age of 2013-2018. I don't need clout or credit for trying to get a ball rolling. In fact, if someone steals this post one-for-one and gets all the credit, who cares! At least something is happening because the fans wanted change.

All I ask is that you give this post some thought, spread the message far and wide. We can make PvZ how it was, and show PopCap/EA that they will realistically make more money if they release a polished and intuitive successor to the first two games. One that doesn't plagiarise the content of loving fans, or belittles old and new players alike by paywalling simple features like a speed-up button or progression. If we don't change things now, then they may continue to make mistakes that could potentially kill this franchise for good, leaving no room for the IP to flourish.

We all love this franchise for different reasons. Thank you George Fan for blooming Plants Vs Zombies into a beautiful underdog story; thank you Laura Shigahaura for some of the most iconic music ever produced, and thank you to the original PopCap team that made the original game so untouchably perfect in my eyes. I always be here to spread the word of how amazing your vision truly was. Thanks for everything!

Maybe it's not worth getting so heated over attention seeking assholes on Instagram. But why does every single nasty comment I see belong to some 18-25 year old gymcel with the most basic Bible passage that deliberately contradicts their behaviour?

"Always show kindness." Except for the most innocent of people posting their outfits or lives while doing nothing wrong. They will find ANY reason to call someone ugly or to dehumanise them, while also rocking the most mealy perm and a jawline so angular it makes triangles look like circles.

Every online platform is going to have its own stereotype of terrible person or troll, but none is more pathetic than the average natty-allergic jock you see on Instagram, at least to me.