How do I control my anger?
For context, I had a pretty awful upbringing full of abuse and abandonment, and throughout my entire life, I've been told I should be angry about this. I never was. I repressed it heavily as a means of self-preservation. I associated anger with violence, and I refused to become violent, as I feared anything even remotely close to violence would result in even more abandonment.
I'm 24 now, and I recently became physically disabled. I'm constantly in pain these days and because the world we live in is so inaccessible, I don't leave my house much at all, and when I do, I find myself bedbound for the next few days. I believe this may be the breaking of the dam that has been keeping a lifetime of anger from coming out. I've been so mean lately, and I hate that. While I'm not physically hurting anyone, I've snapped at the people closest to me several times now, and I have absolutely no idea how to control it. It genuinely feels like a loss of control in the moment and as soon as it's over, I feel horrible about it and scramble to fix it.
So my question is: how do I control this? How do I stop being so hurtful? I don't want to hurt anyone, and I know I am doing that, but I've never been in this position before so I have no idea of what to do about it.