u/BobLazarsGlasses

I live in Iowa. Raised a stepson for 16 years. Wife got pregnant and then 6 years later discovered the kid wasn't mine. Very horrible marriage.

Finally divorced... In an attempt to see the child after the child was withheld. To apply for a temporary custody order, you have to file for divorce in Iowa so I did. By the time I got to see the kid, she started to hate me. The whole family hates me. Years later, I'm paying 30% of my wages for a kid that isn't mine that I see for 2 days a month. The kid absolutely doesn't want to be around me, and my ex-wife and her new boyfriend have a family together.

I filed for a motion in 2025 to relinquish rights with a DNA test that says the child isn't mine. Was denied but taken off the birth certificate. My child support went up because I attempted to relinquish rights and contacted the bio dad who doesn't want to be involved. Then is when the judge dropped me from every other weekend and Wednesday, to Saturdays every other weekend and child support went from 25% to 30%.

I filed again in 2026 and was denied again, stating that because the child is now 9, this financial support is her status quo. I paid an attorney to represent me, but I think she fucked me over.

I can't live another decade like this. I was even told that if I got fired intentionally that they would put me in jail for 30 days on contempt

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Backstory. I met a woman in my early 20s, she had a stepson. I accepted him as my own, we had no support from his bio dad and his mother did not seek any. I worked hard in local factories, day and night, sometimes 80 hours a week to provide.

In 2017 my wife, had our first child together. A baby girl.

I was excited, but there was a bit of a concern that the child had none of my features. One day a friend of a friend says "sorry man, no way that's your kid." Their suspicions were true.

In 2023 I had a DNA test done, and it wasn't my child.

My wife, ran off with the child and left me, I asked to continue to see the child but she said no. As it turns out, the man she had got pregnant by had no interest after she reached out to him. I spoke with a lawyer, who in the state of Iowa, advised that as I was the legal parent that if I were to seek out a temporary custody order, I could see the kid but I would have to file for divorce. I was close to the child, often being the primary care giver between

I filed for divorce, and the stepson I had raised for years, testify that I was a horrible father and that I would constantly hurt his mom. Absolutely untrue. In fact the opposite was true and I had pictures to prove it but those didn't seem to matter in court. Then the death threats started, but cops believed they were just a part of the divorce, and didn't care. In fact, they told both of us not to call them anymore.

The day came where I was told I would have to give 25% of my wages. I can no longer afford my home so I moved across town and live in a crappy one bedroom apartment. I only save $150 a month doing this.

Court order says that I get to see the child every other weekend. I was excited for this at first but the child doesn't want to have anything to do with me. This 9-year-old only wants to be with the mom and her boyfriend and their large family instead of coming to my crappy one bedroom apartment and to be honest I don't blame her.

I returned to court and said I would like to leave the mother and the child no longer wish for me to be a part of their lives and I felt that my DNA test that proves that I'm not the father justified me moving on with my life and admitting that I lost the last 20 years of my life to some kind of social prison.

My first hearing on paternity ruled that the status quo would remain and that I would continue paying not 25%, but now 30% of my wages and I would not get an opportunity to see the child more and in fact because I was pressing the issue of paternity I would now see the child less one day every two weeks.

I lost my job due to breaking my shoulder building scaffolding. That's also when they found out I would need a kidney transplant and I began dialysis.

I kept up with my $1300/mo in child support payments, and I filed another motion with a reputable attorney in the area. She was known as a bulldog. She vouched for me, that I wasn't the father, DNA test to prove it, and still the judge said "No, you are on the birth certificate, DNA test or no DNA test, you will remain paying child support"

I can't live like this anymore, and I want out of the country. I don't know what to do.