u/BoraBabe07

I mainly am looking for words of encouragement to give me hope. At this point, not even hope that my hair will grow back and that it'll all go back to normal. No, I'm looking for people who still have a positive outlook on life.

One of the things that I especially am in despair about is finding love again. Basically when I got out of my last relationship 3 years ago is when all this hair loss stuff started. It's basically killed my confidence and my hope of ever finding someone again.

I somehow stumbled across a man who is literally the most amazing in every way. He lives kinda far away though, and I'm dreading the day he asks if he can come see me, because I'll finally have to tell him that while I have hair now it won't stay like this (its especially thinned out a lot recently.)

I'm trying to stay positive. I'm trying to tell myself that its still possible to find a good man who will love me. I'm still wanting to believe that I'll somehow find a solution that will at least make me feel beautiful again.

So... if anyone has any positive stories or mindsets I could really use it. Because lately I just find myself breaking into tears all the time.

People from Lebanon, Syria, Palestine, UAE, Jordan, Iraq, etc. are not white.
The Middle East aka West Asia is not white. Egypt, Libya, Sudan, etc. are countries in Africa. All of which are Arab populations.
Being an Arab encompasses many ethnic features and cultures and traditions, but what it is NOT is white.
We are not Caucasian. We are not European.
Please stop calling us white.
It’s ignorant and annoying.
I am mixed and while my family is from Lebanon I myself was not raised there. But I promise you, the people of those nations certainly do not reap the benefits of white privilege.

My grandfather was full Lebanese.
My dad half.
I am a quarter.

My childhood was spending time with Arabic speaking great grand parents, aunties and uncles. I know some words but never learned the language. From a child I was being ushered into dining halls, churches and events with extended family or other Lebanese families I wasn’t even sure how I was related.
I grew up eating Lebanese food almost daily. Even the white women in my family all learned how to cook it.

I was raised in a predominantly white neighborhood in the midwest US and because of that my last name stood out and I was teased for it at school, but my city overall has a very large community of Lebanese people.

It’s strange because I was in a place in childhood where I could understand my friends and their culture, but when they’d come to my house there were parts of my home they couldn’t understand. Especially the food.

But being a quarter, it honestly sucks.
People will look at you like “a quarter doesn’t really count”. As if the mixed culture I was constantly exposed to wasn’t real. As if some how the blood I had wasn’t enough. As if I had no claim to my own childhood and experiences. A face that says, “don’t you think you’re reaching a bit?”

To Lebanese, I look Lebanese. My Lebanese side tells me all the time, “your face is the epitome of a [enter my last name here].”
To white people, I look just white (granted I think many white people in the US are not familiar with Middle East/ West Asian faces and they’ll often imagine a person that looks more South Asian, like Indian or someone with darker skin). I’ve even had a friend play it down to my face “girl you don’t even look a little Arab, you are white.” Yes, I am white. I do not deny that part of me, if anything that’s usually the part of me I emphasize, and I do it because of comments like hers.

Some Lebanese do have darker more brown skin. Some are more white. Oddly enough, my father who is half has more brown skin than my grandfather, who was full Lebanese.

At some point I started hiding my Lebanese side because I became embarrassed at the “well, I’m only a quarter” part. I hated even saying it. I hated seeing judgmental faces. I hated feeling like I needed to prove my heritage to people who knew nothing about it. I almost feel ashamed in some way, which is stupid. I never brought it up and if someone learned my full name or asked about my appearance (because some people do notice and be like ‘you don’t look full white what are you?’) I’d just play it off and be like “oh I’m a little Lebanese nbd haha anyways…”

And to anyone else who’s reading this that is also West Asian in the US will know that ethnic/racial consensus didn’t have Middle East (it might now, but not when I was a kid). We put “Caucasian” regardless if someone was half, full, a quarter, it didn’t matter. There was no other options.

I always hated this because Middle Eastern, Arab, West Asian, whatever you want to call it, it is NOT white culture. It’s not European. It’s not Caucasian.

Anyways, does anyone else know this feeling?
How do you cope with it?
How do you deal with people downplaying it?

Because there is a part of me that, while no, it’s not a big deal that I’m a quarter of anything, it feels bigger because I have to prove it actually influenced my life. Yes I can go about and “just be white” but for some reason I feel as if I’m constantly hiding or having to erase a part of me to fit a narrative that other people are more comfortable accepting.

Without going into my own personal beliefs, I’m genuinely curious as to why it seems as though the entire global Overton Window has shifted and we are on a steady path towards the right, in some countries far-right extremism and even fascism.

The Tannies have always been on the right side of history. In so many instances it felt like they were fighting with us. They’ve always held integrity and made the hard but right choices up until now…

Why are they leaning into this? Into AI?

Before people wanna tell me “AI is inevitable just deal with it”, please understand that you’ve been carefully spoon fed the inevitability of AI through ads and big tech. There more you think that, the more money they’re gonna make.

【why AI is bad. Feel free to skip this paragraph if you already know】→AI will be used to control the masses. It’s destroying the environment, depleting our water, polluting the air, bulldozing over invaluable ecosystems and animal homes. It’s ruining human connection, the ability to critically think or fact check or to think for oneself. It’s used to monitor people, their habits, and can be used to manipulate the masses. If the billionaires in charge of these companies wanted to, they could make us think there was peace in a war torn area via AI images. They could make us believe someone was alive when they’ve been dead a long time. The horrors are endless and it’s getting harder to know what’s real anymore.

There is no “good” way to use AI either— it’s all a detriment.
There is no ethical consumption of AI.

To see BTS— people who have given me a reason to live despite the hell this plant has become— lean into AI feels like a punch in the gut.

I used to say seeing BTS gave me hope that the good guys could still win.

Now I’m worried.

This is not to say I don’t love BTS or that they’re not good men. I still believe they are good men with good hearts. But they’re human. They make mistakes— and this is one of them.
I won’t abandon them because of this. But I also will have nothing to do with this collab and hope it goes quickly and they never do it again.

They have what most artists only dream of: an extremely loyal diverse set of fans who globally would defend them against anything.
I don’t want them to forget this. It’s not the money, it’s not recognition from other artists or award shows, it’s ARMY. I don’t want them to get caught up in this huge rise to the top and lose sight of how special that honestly is (not really related but I’ve been preparing my heart for over a year now for the day I see them at the met gala. I don’t want them to go there either ☹️ but I figured it would probably happen)

I don’t think I’m putting into words what I’m trying to say… I’m sure it’s easy to get caught up in the rich extravagant life but I don’t want them to forget us… to go to the dark side of the entertainment industry… it’s all becoming too much. They always stood on the side of ARMY—us average folk— I want it to stay that way…

And this AI stuff… I have no way to defend it.
I’m disappointed to say the least.

I wish we could somehow tell them this ain’t it, in a respectful way ofc.

When we love someone sometimes we have to say the hard thing, and tbh I think this is one of those times.

Does anyone else feel this way?

(Maybe slightly NSFW)

The thing is, I know he’s attracted to me. We always dance around “the topic” without ever being direct. I think neither of us are looking for a legitimate relationship and I know for both of us, it’s been a while.

I find him attractive too. We met in university, we were both foreign students (he’s from Australia I’m from the US, we met in Japan).

We both have similar political views and values, we talk and joke around all the time.

He’s a good friend. Some of his current habits are deal breakers for me when searching for a legitimate parter, but tbh I’m not searching for anything serious. I kinda just wanna… have fun while maintaining our friendship.

And the sex part would even have a set expiration date because he lives back in Australia now and I’m still in Japan.

I legit have been so close to being like “hey, if you can figure out the plane ticket, I’ll let you stay at my place for a week and we can just fuck a whole bunch, go to random restaurants/ izakayas (Japanese bars), maybe go see the beach, fuck more, idk. And at the end of it all he goes home and we maintain our friendship of just talking on Snapchat.

I’m not the type to meet a random guy at a bar or via an app and fuck the same day. I need to have established trust with someone first and he obviously has been my friend long before any of this came about.

The thing is, anytime I’ve even alluded to the idea he always kinda backs off. Idk if it’s because he’s scared? Or financial? Or both.

He used to be a more heavy set guy, and I wonder if insecurities from that have led him to be hesitant. I know he doesn’t have any real solid relationship experience in general nor the sexual experience I have. Is it that he’s afraid he won’t live up to something? Or is it all financial? I know he basically just kinda does odd jobs and doesn’t really have that part going for him rn. Like I am well aware of all these things… idk.

Should I offer it or just give up on it?
Ngl I would love to have sex. I miss sex a lot 🥲

Any advice would be helpful thank you 🙏

I’m 32yo F (white/lebanese mix). Before I start I’d like to mention that I live in Japan, where there are a lot of clinics for hair loss. The “doctors” that are there I’m not even sure if they’re main specialties revolve around hair loss, and usually you end up talking to the random, non medically trained (or barely) staff that basically just hands over meds and takes pics of progress on your visits. I half knew what I was getting into, but I was feeling desperate.

When I was diagnosed (a visual exam only, he did use a little magnifying glass thingy and took pictures up close of my scalp) he told me I likely had AGA and diffuse hair loss. Mind you, neither of my parents are bald. Now they’re in their 60s and I do notice my father hair line has receded but not terribly? My mother too still has a head full of hair. But the doctor seemed pretty determined to pin it on genetics. Diffuse is obvious— it’s an all over thinning rather than a single spot, which is me. Tho I do tend to thin slightly more on my left side and around my hair line.

Anyways, they first put me on an combo pill of Minoxidil: 2.5mg
Spironolactone: 25mg

I took that for one month before they upped the dose they wanted me to stay on which was Minoxidil: 2.5mg
Spironolactone: 50mg

I was on the higher dose for about 2 months.

I was seeing amazing results. No dread shed to speak of. Just results. My hair was even better than before I ever started having hair loss issues.

But then, it must have been too good to be true.

I started having heart issues.

Now mind you, I had mentioned at the clinic that I’ve had some funky heart beats since I was a kid. My heart would act out sometimes, he seemed unconcerned by it.

But after about month 3 I was getting irregular heart beats regularly and it was starting to freak me out. When I called the clinic to report this they basically said “we don’t have the tools/ facilities to properly test you so you need to go to a different doctor to get blood work then bring those results back to us.” Annoyed beyond belief, but I did it. I went to a different doctor, he was not about me taking the medication at all but I told him I really wanted to continue if I could bc I want hair. He said to quit taking the medication for now and see if the issue subsides, if it did then the medication is the problem and to not take it anymore or at the very least try a weaker dose. But he didn’t like the idea of me taking it at all.

My blood tests had come back normal but even so ofc I did what he said. I quit taking it. After about 2 weeks my symptoms went away and I felt normal again. I got a weaker version (I went back to the original pill they gave me for the first month) and finally decided to try taking it again about 10 days ago.

And since yesterday I’ve had chest pains. Not even an irregular heart beat issue this time, just chest pains, even until my left arm. I’m devastated.

Obviously because my heart is important and it’s scary to have heart pains. And heart issues do run in my family.

The other part is… I really just wanted this to work. I was feeling so confident, more like myself again, pretty again… and it’s all gone. Again.

I’m scared for my health. I’m scared for my hair.

I hate this so much.

And now I’m at a loss. I don’t know if topical is the right choice/ a choice at all. These clinics don’t do specific medicine adjustments, the only reason I could lower the dose is bc it already existed as apart of what they offer. Even if there is topical I wonder if it’s something I’ll be able to keep up. A pill is easy. Pop it at the same time every day and forget about it. But as far as I understand topical takes time everyday, and it’s not always the best solution for diffuse.

If anyone has any words of hope or wisdom I’d be grateful.

I'm 32y/o F and I'm at a loss. As the title states, I suck at every job I've ever had. Truly. I make countless mistakes, I'm forgetful, I am not that great at communicating sometimes, I struggle to be proactive, and over all I just lack. And it's not even the type of job either, I've worked as a waitress, I've worked in marketing and sales at a company desk job, and I'm currently in a sales position for high end products (B to C sales-- I work directly with the customers).

It always starts off the same. I come in, I ask questions, I take a very hands on approach, I'm friendly and get along with everyone, I show independent thinking and then... somewhere along the line I end up falling short. I feel it's a combination of not living up to whatever preconceived expectations there was of me, as well as my own motivation dwindling. But after two years at the current company that I'm at, I feel I've lost the respect of most of my co-workers. None of them want to trust me with even simple tasks.

If I do a self assessment, It's hard to pin point one reason that can relate to all jobs. For whatever reason, I feel that each time is uniquely shitty.
(※ Before I go into examples I'll make a brief clarification in that while I am from the US, I have been living in Japan for the past 10 years and I am fluent in Japanese. My jobs here in Japan were all done in my second language (Japanese). I also originally came to Japan as a student, which broadened my horizons and views about society. It shaped my views about business, work, capitalism, etc.)

For example, my waitressing jobs were all in the US. I had no ill feeling towards work or the idea of it. I had a go getter attitude and aimed to be someone who could 'get the job done'. Of course, I always fell short. I'd forget food orders or customizations, I'd struggle with organizing and splitting checks and often would struggle to keep up with a full section of tables. This was with multiple restaurants in various states, even, and it never really changed. The motivation was there, but for whatever reasons my actions never matched my mind set. At my last waitressing job I worked before I came to Japan I can remember my co-worker saying to me "you're leaving just when you finally are starting to make less mistakes." Mind you, I'd been there almost two years.

If I thought work life in US was tough, Japan is cut throat. The desk job I worked in a Japanese company was some of the closest I'd ever felt to unaliving myself (i'm fine, don't worry, not planning on doing it, love life now but yea). Aside from the obvious part of me reading, writing, speaking, listening, breathing, being, everything in Japanese, the entire work environment was completely different than anything I'd ever experienced. I won't get into the details as why (that could be it's own very long post) but due to those factors I'm at least willing to give myself more grace. I bent myself into shapes trying to be 'Japanese' because I'd here it all the time "A *Japanese* person would do it this way...", eventually I lost myself. I felt undervalued, under appreciated, and frankly, not only was I doing the job in my second language, but I was doing marketing--things ppl go to college for (I studied international relations so not relevant at all) and was doing my best learning from scratch. I hated the job, I'm not one for SNS even in my personal life.

I think the main difference though, here, between my Japanese work experiences and my US ones is that I had a shift in mindset during uni in Japan. (Whether or not one may agree with my next statements, please try to read this objectively and give advice accordingly), but, I hate the corporate world. I disagree with capitalism and its endless endeavor to grow beyond environmental capacity, to consume finite resources and its overall apathy to human needs in favor of profit. This has made work exponentially more difficult in the 'motivation' department. Because it doesn't matter the job or the company, in the end I feel like nothing but a cog in a machine, contributing to something that in the end is actually killing us all. The once motivated and 'aim to please' attitude I'd had in my early 20's before Japan doesn't even carry me anymore. And in the end I'm left with the same problem of being shitty at every single job, only this time I no longer have the motivation to care beyond what will not get me fired.

Fast-forward to the job I work currently. It's an American company, but internally still very Japanese. It's a little more diverse, but its still a job that I struggle with. When I first started, as usual I displayed great potential, really wowed my bosses and everyone liked me a lot. Now, I've made enough mistakes, as well as just putting a lack of effort in many areas, has led me to be no longer trusted, relied on, or respected in many cases.

Not to mention that I struggle with fakeness, which is what an adult corporate job requires. I have to pretend to love the products we sell, love my co workers, love the projects, have a passion for it, want to be included, want to strive for excellence and go above and beyond. All the while, I'm dying inside because I. don't. care. I don't care about the profits, the numbers--none of it. My favorite part of my job is talking with the customers. I do like talking to people, I love helping people, but I hate that every conversataion is still based around me needing to make a sale. I know I'm childish. I know I should suck it up and accept reality. I know. But as I said before I struggle with fakeness-- and that includes lying to myself. Therefore, it shows, even in my work.

I would say a big part of my problem now is a mindset issue, but I'll be honest, I really have just always sucked at my jobs, even before this mindset change.

To continue my own self evaluation, I also think I'm way too willing just take the blame and not even fully tell my side, which may or may not lead people to believe it was solely my fault or assume the wrong pretexts of why I made a mistake. I'm quick to always apologize. I've only recently realized that I tend to assume that I'm the only one who doesn't know something. I assume everyone just knows better than me. Theres probably a lack of confidence in there somewhere.

But I realize now in the corporate world anyone who can will throw you under the bus. If they can shake the blame onto someone else they will, and in the end suckers like me take it. Yes, I make my own mistakes. Yes I suck at all my jobs, and because of that I believe I do become an easy target. I'm too willing to admit when I'm wrong, even at times when it isn't my fault. Now, if I'm involved, people will just assume it's me. I can explain my side but I feel like everyone thinks I'm just making excuses. I've become a scapegoat for everyone else shit, too. And idk, maybe I am just making excuses. I don't know.

My current mindset won't help me at any job, I know. But at this point I just want to find a decent paying job where I can mind my own business, do my job, get my paycheck, and go the fuck home. I cant escape it, but I don't want to enthusiastically contribute at this point. Even if I have the capacity somewhere in me, I struggle deeply with being "on" all the time, living with a constant pressure of excelling so that people will rely on me/ trust me. It's too much for me mentally and emotionally to live up to it so instead I fall short. In some ways I've become cynical.

But, as I said, even before this mindset,

I really have, just always sucked at my jobs.

Now, I suck and I'm grumpy about it all.