u/Boxwood_Mountain

This is something I’ve been thinking a lot about since having kids: whether I want my parents or in-laws espousing values on my kids that I don’t agree with.

For example, my in laws are obsessed with money. Which is ironic because they lived rich for like 10 years when they hit it big in the dot com bubble but then they lost it all. They never recovered and have lived off handouts from family for the last 20 years but they STILL talk about the multi-million house they used to live in, private schools, country clubs, maids, nannies, international travel, blah blah. Meanwhile the reality is they have no retirement savings, but all they do is talk about how they used to be rich. Literally almost every conversation ties back to their old rich days. It’s exhausting.

I’d rather my children not chase material things if I can help it. I like nice things as much as the next person, and plan to expose my kids to nice things, but I think more important is a balanced view on money: earning it, protecting it, living below your means, etc. Anyone dealing with something similar?

It’s been one week since my loop at Apple for M1 role. The recruiter reached out four days after saying they are hoping to connect with the HM soon. Am I cooked?

Curious for those of you who inherited money whether you had conversations with your partner about it? When I met my wife I was estranged from my parents so she didn’t know that I came from money. Over the years I’ve reconnected with my parents and reconciled. They recently told me that my grandfather left an estate of $50m+ that I’m a beneficiary of but it will first past through my parents generation. Part of me feels I should shed some light on my family’s wealth for the sake of transparency, but on the other hand it’s not my money and I’m not a trustee yet so what good could possibly come from discussing it.

It’s been four days since my loop - am I cooked? Loop was 5 meetings virtually over two weeks. Recruiter was very communicative during the loop, even checking in via text. I haven’t followed up yet to not sound high maintenance but the wait is killing me.

Just finished a loop at apple totaling 5 interviews for M1 role. Overall I thought they went well. One of the early interviews did not go well and I was surprised they scheduled my next interview. Does that mean it didn’t go as bad as I thought or do they always finish the loop?

How long does it usually take to hear back?

Growing up I knew my grandparents had some money because they owned two homes (modest looking but in very nice areas), and they were trustees of a university. My grandpa was an executive vice president at a Fortune 100 company where he worked for 40 years.

My grandparents passed a few years ago and I just learned there are several trusts still in the courts due to estate tax complexity totaling $40m that’s been left for the family. They were created in the 1970s so my grandparents were estate planning for a long time.

There are extremely strict restrictions on how it can be used (visiting family, $100k for each kid’s education, etc). There’s no way my current living extended family could spend all the money in our lifetimes due to the restrictions.

This philosophy tracks with how I was raised. I mean there were years my parents said they could barely put food on the table and needed a small loan but my grandparents refused! Just wild and still taking it all in.

Company: Apple
Role: Engineering manager
Recruiter: 8/10
Hiring manager call #1: 8/10
Hiring manager call #2: 1/10
Skip level: 9/10
Technical case: 8/10
Panel: 5/10

Would you rather make $400k TC in a MCOL city with your comp trajectory capping out around $800k or make $800k TC in a VHCOL city with you comp trajectory capping out over $2m+?

For context, I’m in my early 40s with a young family, so it’s really about quality of life. We have a great quality of life in our MCOL city and I worry that even with 2x the comp in the Bay Area we’d have to downgrade our lifestyle. By definition, our MCOL city lacks some of the amenities of a VHCOL city but we can give our kids the best education, housing, extracurriculars our city has to offer. I’m worried if we moved to the Bay Area while the amenities will be better, it will also be more competitive and a stretch to get into the best schools, neighborhoods, etc.

Wife and I have been together 10+ years and have two under two. For the record, I still love her dearly. Over the last few years my career has taken off and I’m getting several recruiter calls a year about $1m+ job opportunities. They always require relocation so I say not interested but now it’s getting hard to ignore.

When I brought up my feelings to my wife and whether she’d be open to relocating it was a non negotiable “no.” My wife works too but I think career is a bigger part of my self identity than her. For me, it’s about the accomplishment of reaching the top of my field and also supporting my family for generations by funding their education, futures, etc

To make matters more stressful her parents are moving across the county to live near us which I feel like will cement us here even further (we live in a small city not many job opportunities beyond my current company). I’m worried we are growing apart and it makes me sad and stressed. I’m not sure what to do.

I have like a dozen crazy squirrels that call my .25 wooded acre lot home. None are in the roof. They’ve gotten in before and I removed them and sealed the holes. Other than that being a risk can having too many squirrels be a problem? They are annoying

I had two interviews at FAANG for Sr Director role that went well but then the third with the hiring manager was not good. Ironically it was all behavioral questions but they were deeply philosophical about my management experience and I was not expecting that. These were not your standard questions about managing teams. Anyway, I felt like I failed the interview but the recruiter followed up and scheduled a loop. Does that mean it didn’t go as poorly as I thought or is this pretty typical to do a loop before getting dinged?

If you could buy/build a 10-20 acre equestrian estate anywhere in the US, where would it be located and why?

Three months ago my wife’s parents (in their late-70s) said they were moving across the country to live near us and our kids.

They made some poor financial decisions over their lives and have $100k saved for retirement. Their budget is about $1500 /mo for an apartment which they are realizing isn’t really an option where we live (HCOL). My MIL has been calling my wife crying about their dire straits and now my wife wants us to buy a condo for them so they don’t have to live in squalor.

I think it’s a bad idea, but when I said that to my wife she said I was being insensitive. We make a decent living (upper middle class) but that’s because we have climbed the corporate ladder and been financially responsible. Now it feels like her parents plan on depending on us when we have my own kids to support. Am I wrong to not want to support them? I’m fine with healthcare support but anything else feels inappropriate. They are highly educated people and just made really irresponsible decisions living way beyond their means.