u/Broken_Glass_Lover

Hello, everyone. May be it's a stupid question, but it sometimes keeps me awake at night... I love Monkshood. It is very beautiful, and I have some sweet memories of it from my childhood. Especially I remember playing with its flowers, taking away the "hood" and making them look like butterflies. A bush of Monkshoods was in my neighbor's garden, and I played with the flowers every year for approximately 5-6 years. But when I grew up I found out, that Monkshoods are poisonous from roots to flowers and I can't find any information on whether there are some types of it, that are not that dangerous. And it bothers me, because I have never ever had any issues after playing with Monkshoods as a child and I wasn't exactly particular about washing my hands, so I definitely ate some strawberries right after touching flowers. So I wonder, how could that happen. I asked my neighbors if it really was a bush of Monkshoods, and they confirmed it, but they've never specified the type.

Also I'm sorry for any mistakes, English isn't my first language.

​

Firstly, English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry in advance for all mistakes. I can explain any misunderstandings in the comments.

It is also my first post on this subreddit. And it is a long read...

I [23F] have a friend [22F], let's call her Ashley. We met in 2016 on the internet in a fandom group, and have been friends ever since.

When we met, we were just kids, and very different from our present selves at that. We both had mental problems, difficult relationships with parents and we had a lot in common. We both were in a chat, consisting of me, her, another girl "D", whom we met at the same time in the same group, and my best friend "O" at that time from my school. We all role-played as characters through messages, and it was amazing. Apart from that, we also exchanged our life stories, vented about school, parents, and other misadventures that we had. Eventually, I developed a crush on "D", and as at that time I was very homophobic, and it was my first same-gender crush, I was a mess, and Ashley helped me a lot through that time.

Eventually, we finished school, and Ashley decided that she wanted to move to my city to proceed with her education. I live in the capital of our country, and she lived quite far from it. Her conservative and very possessive parents didn't want her to move, but she earned money by working her ass off from the age of 14, and successfully entered the university for free. By that time she was a part of my closest friend group; we all helped her move and were very happy to see her more often. Everything was fine.

This whole time Ashley was calling me her best friend. In the beginning, it wasn't mutual on my side, because "O" was my best friend, but I wasn't against her thinking that way. We were children. Then, when my whole crush thing happened, I indeed thought of Ashley as my BFF, but then we drifted apart a bit, and that whole situation made me feel ashamed of everything connected to it, so I became distant. And now I don't actually think I have a best friend except my partner [23NB - Sam] (yeah, that whole homophobic thing turned out to be internalized, and I'm actually queer AF).

But Ashley still tells everyone that I'm her Best Bestest Friendest Friend Forever. She says that when we met, I actually saved her life, because she was going through some very rough times, and I helped her to get through it. To this day, I still have no idea what was happening in her life in 2016, even though some of our mutual friends know.

She also says that I helped her move to our city. I didn't give her a dime, I didn't help her with university, I didn't help her to find a place to live, I just helped her to get some stuff from the shop the first day she arrived. I was just existing, and she still tells everyone and me that I played a big role in this huge event in her life. She says that I inspire her, and she achieved a lot of things she's proud of because of me.

There are other instances when she is certain that I was the reason she is so lucky/happy/etc., but I think I had nothing to do with it, and now it bothers me very much.

She allegedly never had any problems with me, we never had a fight, she is always content with me, but recently I have more and more things that make me uncomfortable in our relationship.

Our mutual friends also had and still have some problems with Ashley, although until recently we haven’t talked about it much. For example, they told me she felt parasocial in way. Like she romanticized our lives, thought that everything we did was extremely cool. She was a fan of my friends before even meeting them. Once she photoshopped herself in group photo of my friends and I that we posted on our socials. Also, she several times called that period her "stalker era" and was weirdly proud of it. At that time though we didn't consider it that much of a redflag cause we were teenagers and it was an internet friendship.

Now we all have known each other for so long, so we kind of settled with keeping such concerns to ourselves to not disturb the friendship of the whole group.

Two years ago Sam entered my life, and now they also are a part of our friend group. We play DnD together, and Ashley is in one of my campaigns. Sam and three of our mutual friends are also in it. Sam is the newest member of our group, and they cannot tolerate anything that makes them uncomfortable. They have diagnosed BPD, and every time they clock something that bothers them, they have to deal with it somehow. About a year ago they said that they are uncomfortable playing DnD with Ashley. We all started playing approximately at the same time, so we all have almost the same experience, but it seems we enjoy different things. Sam is very serious about the games, they are very invested and passionate about it. Ashley isn't, though. The issue is that it feels like Ashley doesn't really care about our plot and the game itself. She doesn't interact with NPCs or other players' characters, and it seems that she just wants to hang out with us, but not to actually participate in the process.

As a GM, I was drained after every session, and it also affected Sam, so they decided to talk to Ashley about it. Ashley said she would change. Nothing changed. Then other friends who played with us told me that they are also uncomfortable with Ashley for the same reasons.

I tried to talk to her about it, but again, nothing changed. At that point we came to understand that the problem wasn't just with DnD, we had problems with her personally. It brought back up all of my problems that I had with her before. And if our friend group simply preferred to deal with it and not stir the pot, my partner wasn't used to eating things like that up, and they were worried about me, so they suggested that I finally have a talk with her.

Ashley and I arranged a meeting, and I told her how I felt. I told her that I'm uncomfortable with the weight of being called her BFF for no particular reason on my side. I told her that it is very concerning for me that she never expressed any problems with me or my behavior, because it feels like she has a lot of beef with me, but just keeps it to herself, and due to it none of us can change anything about the situation, so resentment just grows, and one day she will explode. I also have a problem with the fact that lately she has a lot of mental problems, but it seems that she is the only one who doesn't notice it. All her posts on social media are about some normal stuff, but she writes about it like she is so quirky for it and already ready to be judged (try: "I overdecorated my workplace with pink ponies and I'm such a weird girly girl while working in the office!!," but she put just two tiny figurines and no one in her office is even against it). She always insists how cool she is and how she loves herself, but all our friends and I feel like it is just a way to hide her insecurities. In her posts she tells about serious things that bother her, but covers them with funky titles or dismisses them the next moment. We all see how she is falling apart and want to help her, but we don't know how, because she denies she needs help. And at the same time, it feels like she really expects us to help, especially me, because I'm her best friend, and best friends should always be there for each other. (It isn't something I came up with on my own, we discussed it in our friend group and this is what we came to). I feel all this pressure, and even if she tells me outright that everything is okay, I just can't let myself believe it. I really don't want to lose her, because even if she isn't my best friend, she is still my friend, and I cherish our history and everything she did for me. I told her so as well. I wanted her to tell me if something indeed was wrong, so we could work it through. I was willing to hear if she was discontent with something in me, and would even be okay if we had a proper fight if it meant being truthful to each other.

She cried a bit, but said that everything is fine, she understands, but also that all my problems with her are just inside my head and I'm overthinking everything. Her life is perfect, she is gorgeous, and she doesn't try to ask for attention. She said that she genuinely had not a single problem with me, she still believes that I have a huge role in her life, and she is actually crazy about DnD, she just has an inexpressive face. This dialogue was like 4 hours long, but we didn't come to anything.

I felt drained again and very guilty, but I also didn't feel like anything had been resolved.

Some time later, our mutual friend "C" visited me and my partner and told us that after that conversation with me, Ashley came to "C" and complained about the situation. She said that I was obnoxious, that I asked her to invent problems, that she was disappointed in me and that conversation, and she felt like I've changed under the influence of my partner. And again, it would be totally fine if she told it to my face, but she didn't. She went behind my back and vented to a different person. Even though half an hour before, she looked me in the eyes and repeatedly assured me that everything was fine.

And after that, she behaves like nothing happened. Like that conversation was just one big mistake on my part, but she is ready to go past it and forgive me. And again, nothing changed.

DnD sessions are becoming more awkward, our friend group feels tense because everyone feels the lack of communication about the problems that we all have, and I'm in the center of it, because I started all this, trying to get all this discomfort off my chest. We still need to resolve it, but I genuinely don't know how, and it eats me alive...

I understand that partially it is on me. I have my mental health problems as well (generalized anxiety disorder, ADHD, and now my therapist and I are in the process of identifying whether I have autism on top of that or not). Ashley is also struggling with depression, but she doesn't do much about it. She isn't in therapy, she isn't on any meds, and she has self-diagnosed bipolar disorder, but she just took a test on the internet and still hasn't confirmed it with her psychiatrist.

I'm at my wit's end. I really need advice on how to navigate the situation, because neither I nor my friends know what to do so that no one gets hurt in the process

TLDR: My childhood friend calls me her best friend and denies any problems in our relationship, but her behavior makes me and our friend group uncomfortable. I tried to talk to her, she said everything was fine, then complained about me behind my back, and now I don’t know how to fix the tension.

I've already posted this on r/RelationshipAdvice, but it is kind of a pressing issue, so the more advices I get, the better, I think...

Firstly, English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry in advance for all mistakes. I can explain any misunderstandings in the comments.

It is also my first post on this subreddit. And it is a long read...

I [23F] have a friend [22F], let's call her Ashley. We met in 2016 on the internet in a fandom group, and have been friends ever since.

When we met, we were just kids, and very different from our present selves at that. We both had mental problems, difficult relationships with parents and we had a lot in common. We both were in a chat, consisting of me, her, another girl "D", whom we met at the same time in the same group, and my best friend "O" at that time from my school. We all role-played as characters through messages, and it was amazing. Apart from that, we also exchanged our life stories, vented about school, parents, and other misadventures that we had. Eventually, I developed a crush on "D", and as at that time I was very homophobic, and it was my first same-gender crush, I was a mess, and Ashley helped me a lot through that time.

Eventually, we finished school, and Ashley decided that she wanted to move to my city to proceed with her education. I live in the capital of our country, and she lived quite far from it. Her conservative and very possessive parents didn't want her to move, but she earned money by working her ass off from the age of 14, and successfully entered the university for free. By that time she was a part of my closest friend group; we all helped her move and were very happy to see her more often. Everything was fine.

This whole time Ashley was calling me her best friend. In the beginning, it wasn't mutual on my side, because "O" was my best friend, but I wasn't against her thinking that way. We were children. Then, when my whole crush thing happened, I indeed thought of Ashley as my BFF, but then we drifted apart a bit, and that whole situation made me feel ashamed of everything connected to it, so I became distant. And now I don't actually think I have a best friend except my partner [23NB - Sam] (yeah, that whole homophobic thing turned out to be internalized, and I'm actually queer AF).

But Ashley still tells everyone that I'm her Best Bestest Friendest Friend Forever. She says that when we met, I actually saved her life, because she was going through some very rough times, and I helped her to get through it. To this day, I still have no idea what was happening in her life in 2016, even though some of our mutual friends know.

She also says that I helped her move to our city. I didn't give her a dime, I didn't help her with university, I didn't help her to find a place to live, I just helped her to get some stuff from the shop the first day she arrived. I was just existing, and she still tells everyone and me that I played a big role in this huge event in her life. She says that I inspire her, and she achieved a lot of things she's proud of because of me.

There are other instances when she is certain that I was the reason she is so lucky/happy/etc., but I think I had nothing to do with it, and now it bothers me very much.

She allegedly never had any problems with me, we never had a fight, she is always content with me, but recently I have more and more things that make me uncomfortable in our relationship.

Our mutual friends also had and still have some problems with Ashley, although until recently we haven’t talked about it much. For example, they told me she felt parasocial in way. Like she romanticized our lives, thought that everything we did was extremely cool. She was a fan of my friends before even meeting them. Once she photoshopped herself in group photo of my friends and I that we posted on our socials. Also, she several times called that period her "stalker era" and was weirdly proud of it. At that time though we didn't consider it that much of a redflag cause we were teenagers and it was an internet friendship.

Now we all have known each other for so long, so we kind of settled with keeping such concerns to ourselves to not disturb the friendship of the whole group.

Two years ago Sam entered my life, and now they also are a part of our friend group. We play DnD together, and Ashley is in one of my campaigns. Sam and three of our mutual friends are also in it. Sam is the newest member of our group, and they cannot tolerate anything that makes them uncomfortable. They have diagnosed BPD, and every time they clock something that bothers them, they have to deal with it somehow. About a year ago they said that they are uncomfortable playing DnD with Ashley. We all started playing approximately at the same time, so we all have almost the same experience, but it seems we enjoy different things. Sam is very serious about the games, they are very invested and passionate about it. Ashley isn't, though. The issue is that it feels like Ashley doesn't really care about our plot and the game itself. She doesn't interact with NPCs or other players' characters, and it seems that she just wants to hang out with us, but not to actually participate in the process.

As a GM, I was drained after every session, and it also affected Sam, so they decided to talk to Ashley about it. Ashley said she would change. Nothing changed. Then other friends who played with us told me that they are also uncomfortable with Ashley for the same reasons.

I tried to talk to her about it, but again, nothing changed. At that point we came to understand that the problem wasn't just with DnD, we had problems with her personally. It brought back up all of my problems that I had with her before. And if our friend group simply preferred to deal with it and not stir the pot, my partner wasn't used to eating things like that up, and they were worried about me, so they suggested that I finally have a talk with her.

Ashley and I arranged a meeting, and I told her how I felt. I told her that I'm uncomfortable with the weight of being called her BFF for no particular reason on my side. I told her that it is very concerning for me that she never expressed any problems with me or my behavior, because it feels like she has a lot of beef with me, but just keeps it to herself, and due to it none of us can change anything about the situation, so resentment just grows, and one day she will explode. I also have a problem with the fact that lately she has a lot of mental problems, but it seems that she is the only one who doesn't notice it. All her posts on social media are about some normal stuff, but she writes about it like she is so quirky for it and already ready to be judged (try: "I overdecorated my workplace with pink ponies and I'm such a weird girly girl while working in the office!!," but she put just two tiny figurines and no one in her office is even against it). She always insists how cool she is and how she loves herself, but all our friends and I feel like it is just a way to hide her insecurities. In her posts she tells about serious things that bother her, but covers them with funky titles or dismisses them the next moment. We all see how she is falling apart and want to help her, but we don't know how, because she denies she needs help. And at the same time, it feels like she really expects us to help, especially me, because I'm her best friend, and best friends should always be there for each other. (It isn't something I came up with on my own, we discussed it in our friend group and this is what we came to). I feel all this pressure, and even if she tells me outright that everything is okay, I just can't let myself believe it. I really don't want to lose her, because even if she isn't my best friend, she is still my friend, and I cherish our history and everything she did for me. I told her so as well. I wanted her to tell me if something indeed was wrong, so we could work it through. I was willing to hear if she was discontent with something in me, and would even be okay if we had a proper fight if it meant being truthful to each other.

She cried a bit, but said that everything is fine, she understands, but also that all my problems with her are just inside my head and I'm overthinking everything. Her life is perfect, she is gorgeous, and she doesn't try to ask for attention. She said that she genuinely had not a single problem with me, she still believes that I have a huge role in her life, and she is actually crazy about DnD, she just has an inexpressive face. This dialogue was like 4 hours long, but we didn't come to anything.

I felt drained again and very guilty, but I also didn't feel like anything had been resolved.

Some time later, our mutual friend "C" visited me and my partner and told us that after that conversation with me, Ashley came to "C" and complained about the situation. She said that I was obnoxious, that I asked her to invent problems, that she was disappointed in me and that conversation, and she felt like I've changed under the influence of my partner. And again, it would be totally fine if she told it to my face, but she didn't. She went behind my back and vented to a different person. Even though half an hour before, she looked me in the eyes and repeatedly assured me that everything was fine.

And after that, she behaves like nothing happened. Like that conversation was just one big mistake on my part, but she is ready to go past it and forgive me. And again, nothing changed.

DnD sessions are becoming more awkward, our friend group feels tense because everyone feels the lack of communication about the problems that we all have, and I'm in the center of it, because I started all this, trying to get all this discomfort off my chest. We still need to resolve it, but I genuinely don't know how, and it eats me alive...

I understand that partially it is on me. I have my mental health problems as well (generalized anxiety disorder, ADHD, and now my therapist and I are in the process of identifying whether I have autism on top of that or not). Ashley is also struggling with depression, but she doesn't do much about it. She isn't in therapy, she isn't on any meds, and she has self-diagnosed bipolar disorder, but she just took a test on the internet and still hasn't confirmed it with her psychiatrist.

I'm at my wit's end. I really need advice on how to navigate the situation, because neither I nor my friends know what to do so that no one gets hurt in the process

TL;DR: My childhood friend calls me her best friend and denies any problems in our relationship, but her behavior makes me and our friend group uncomfortable. I tried to talk to her, she said everything was fine, then complained about me behind my back, and now I don’t know how to fix the tension

Firstly, English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry in advance for all mistakes. I can explain any misunderstandings in the comments.

It is also my first post on this subreddit. And it is a long read...

I [23F] have a friend [22F], let's call her Ashley. We met in 2016 on the internet in a fandom group, and have been friends ever since.

When we met, we were just kids, and very different from our present selves at that. We both had mental problems, difficult relationships with parents and we had a lot in common. We both were in a chat, consisting of me, her, another girl "D", whom we met at the same time in the same group, and my best friend "O" at that time from my school. We all role-played as characters through messages, and it was amazing. Apart from that, we also exchanged our life stories, vented about school, parents, and other misadventures that we had. Eventually, I developed a crush on "D", and as at that time I was very homophobic, and it was my first same-gender crush, I was a mess, and Ashley helped me a lot through that time.

Eventually, we finished school, and Ashley decided that she wanted to move to my city to proceed with her education. I live in the capital of our country, and she lived quite far from it. Her conservative and very possessive parents didn't want her to move, but she earned money by working her ass off from the age of 14, and successfully entered the university for free. By that time she was a part of my closest friend group; we all helped her move and were very happy to see her more often. Everything was fine.

This whole time Ashley was calling me her best friend. In the beginning, it wasn't mutual on my side, because "O" was my best friend, but I wasn't against her thinking that way. We were children. Then, when my whole crush thing happened, I indeed thought of Ashley as my BFF, but then we drifted apart a bit, and that whole situation made me feel ashamed of everything connected to it, so I became distant. And now I don't actually think I have a best friend except my partner [23NB - Sam] (yeah, that whole homophobic thing turned out to be internalized, and I'm actually queer AF).

But Ashley still tells everyone that I'm her Best Bestest Friendest Friend Forever. She says that when we met, I actually saved her life, because she was going through some very rough times, and I helped her to get through it. To this day, I still have no idea what was happening in her life in 2016, even though some of our mutual friends know.

She also says that I helped her move to our city. I didn't give her a dime, I didn't help her with university, I didn't help her to find a place to live, I just helped her to get some stuff from the shop the first day she arrived. I was just existing, and she still tells everyone and me that I played a big role in this huge event in her life. She says that I inspire her, and she achieved a lot of things she's proud of because of me.

There are other instances when she is certain that I was the reason she is so lucky/happy/etc., but I think I had nothing to do with it, and now it bothers me very much.

She allegedly never had any problems with me, we never had a fight, she is always content with me, but recently I have more and more things that make me uncomfortable in our relationship.

Our mutual friends also had and still have some problems with Ashley, although until recently we haven’t talked about it much. For example, they told me she felt parasocial in way. Like she romanticized our lives, thought that everything we did was extremely cool. She was a fan of my friends before even meeting them. Once she photoshopped herself in group photo of my friends and I that we posted on our socials. Also, she several times called that period her "stalker era" and was weirdly proud of it. At that time though we didn't consider it that much of a redflag cause we were teenagers and it was an internet friendship.

Now we all have known each other for so long, so we kind of settled with keeping such concerns to ourselves to not disturb the friendship of the whole group.

Two years ago Sam entered my life, and now they also are a part of our friend group. We play DnD together, and Ashley is in one of my campaigns. Sam and three of our mutual friends are also in it. Sam is the newest member of our group, and they cannot tolerate anything that makes them uncomfortable. They have diagnosed BPD, and every time they clock something that bothers them, they have to deal with it somehow. About a year ago they said that they are uncomfortable playing DnD with Ashley. We all started playing approximately at the same time, so we all have almost the same experience, but it seems we enjoy different things. Sam is very serious about the games, they are very invested and passionate about it. Ashley isn't, though. The issue is that it feels like Ashley doesn't really care about our plot and the game itself. She doesn't interact with NPCs or other players' characters, and it seems that she just wants to hang out with us, but not to actually participate in the process.

As a GM, I was drained after every session, and it also affected Sam, so they decided to talk to Ashley about it. Ashley said she would change. Nothing changed. Then other friends who played with us told me that they are also uncomfortable with Ashley for the same reasons.

I tried to talk to her about it, but again, nothing changed. At that point we came to understand that the problem wasn't just with DnD, we had problems with her personally. It brought back up all of my problems that I had with her before. And if our friend group simply preferred to deal with it and not stir the pot, my partner wasn't used to eating things like that up, and they were worried about me, so they suggested that I finally have a talk with her.

Ashley and I arranged a meeting, and I told her how I felt. I told her that I'm uncomfortable with the weight of being called her BFF for no particular reason on my side. I told her that it is very concerning for me that she never expressed any problems with me or my behavior, because it feels like she has a lot of beef with me, but just keeps it to herself, and due to it none of us can change anything about the situation, so resentment just grows, and one day she will explode. I also have a problem with the fact that lately she has a lot of mental problems, but it seems that she is the only one who doesn't notice it. All her posts on social media are about some normal stuff, but she writes about it like she is so quirky for it and already ready to be judged (try: "I overdecorated my workplace with pink ponies and I'm such a weird girly girl while working in the office!!," but she put just two tiny figurines and no one in her office is even against it). She always insists how cool she is and how she loves herself, but all our friends and I feel like it is just a way to hide her insecurities. In her posts she tells about serious things that bother her, but covers them with funky titles or dismisses them the next moment. We all see how she is falling apart and want to help her, but we don't know how, because she denies she needs help. And at the same time, it feels like she really expects us to help, especially me, because I'm her best friend, and best friends should always be there for each other. (It isn't something I came up with on my own, we discussed it in our friend group and this is what we came to). I feel all this pressure, and even if she tells me outright that everything is okay, I just can't let myself believe it. I really don't want to lose her, because even if she isn't my best friend, she is still my friend, and I cherish our history and everything she did for me. I told her so as well. I wanted her to tell me if something indeed was wrong, so we could work it through. I was willing to hear if she was discontent with something in me, and would even be okay if we had a proper fight if it meant being truthful to each other.

She cried a bit, but said that everything is fine, she understands, but also that all my problems with her are just inside my head and I'm overthinking everything. Her life is perfect, she is gorgeous, and she doesn't try to ask for attention. She said that she genuinely had not a single problem with me, she still believes that I have a huge role in her life, and she is actually crazy about DnD, she just has an inexpressive face. This dialogue was like 4 hours long, but we didn't come to anything.

I felt drained again and very guilty, but I also didn't feel like anything had been resolved.

Some time later, our mutual friend "C" visited me and my partner and told us that after that conversation with me, Ashley came to "C" and complained about the situation. She said that I was obnoxious, that I asked her to invent problems, that she was disappointed in me and that conversation, and she felt like I've changed under the influence of my partner. And again, it would be totally fine if she told it to my face, but she didn't. She went behind my back and vented to a different person. Even though half an hour before, she looked me in the eyes and repeatedly assured me that everything was fine.

And after that, she behaves like nothing happened. Like that conversation was just one big mistake on my part, but she is ready to go past it and forgive me. And again, nothing changed.

DnD sessions are becoming more awkward, our friend group feels tense because everyone feels the lack of communication about the problems that we all have, and I'm in the center of it, because I started all this, trying to get all this discomfort off my chest. We still need to resolve it, but I genuinely don't know how, and it eats me alive...

I understand that partially it is on me. I have my mental health problems as well (generalized anxiety disorder, ADHD, and now my therapist and I are in the process of identifying whether I have autism on top of that or not). Ashley is also struggling with depression, but she doesn't do much about it. She isn't in therapy, she isn't on any meds, and she has self-diagnosed bipolar disorder, but she just took a test on the internet and still hasn't confirmed it with her psychiatrist.

I'm at my wit's end. I really need advice on how to navigate the situation, because neither I nor my friends know what to do so that no one gets hurt in the process

TLDR: My childhood friend calls me her best friend and denies any problems in our relationship, but her behavior makes me and our friend group uncomfortable. I tried to talk to her, she said everything was fine, then complained about me behind my back, and now I don’t know how to fix the tension.