u/Budget-Cod4142

has anyone divorced their BPD husband because he made their DMDD child worse? my son learned to call me a bitch from his dad. it doesn’t happen often but obviously it’s been often enough to stick. my 7 year old has DMDD and is very similar to my husband. incredibly irritable, hair trigger temper, angry for no reason. takes every interaction negatively. no therapies help either of them and medication doesn’t do much. my husband is an asshole and a bad example. I want to divorce him but he isn’t stable enough to have the kids on his own. I live it a state that loves to give at least 50/50, if not primary to dads. I’m worried they won’t take his diagnosis and my many examples seriously.

has anyone divorced a spouse to distance the mentally ill parent from the mentally ill child? did it help? did it make things worse? I’ve already been through the custody system with my ex and I suspect he was also some type of cluster B and it was hell. my husband is diagnosed professionally.

my husband is diagnosed BPd, lots of narcissistic traits. bad relationship overall but I can’t divorce him because he isn’t trustworthy with our little kids. Courts don’t care until the kids get actually hurt, been through this before, please believe me and don’t just say’divorce.’

has anyone successfully been able to get their pwbpd (selfish ones) to understand other’s point of view. I finally realized the last few years that I don’t think my husband can put himself in someone else’s shoes. like, at all. He has openly said to me he doesn’t consider what other people are thinking and he demonstrates closed mindedness daily. last year for mother’s day he gave me a clear acrylic statue type thing. It wasn’t something I’ve ever asked for or something I’d indicated I’d want. I just decided to be happy he even thought of me… until he finally said ‘I want one of those for Father’s Day.’ I thought it was so weird.

He doesn’t seem to consider who benefits from generally good actions and can’t seem to place proper amounts of importance on actions. for example, today he decided to clean his half of the extremely messy bedroom. the only reason my half is messy is because all his old clothes he doesn’t deal with and doesn’t wear are piled up there. He proceeded to ignore the kids and pick through his side of his extreme mess and then proclaim what a great job he was doing. If I’d asked him to do a family centered task like dishes, dinner, kids stuff etc, he would be offended. He made the giant mess in his room by buying shit he doesn’t need and then dumping it in piles. now he is dealing with some of it but it only benefits him. he thinks because he is cleaning that it’s all on the same level of helpfulness. I’m not saying he shouldn’t dedicate some time to cleaning him mess. I’m saying he needs to spend some time on the family and some on himself.

He tends to be obsessed with things so today it was cleaning his room mess. tomorrow might be his garage mess. next week it probably won’t be cleaning and instead it will be the gym, or some random craft. he is always obsessed with something (usually no t cleaning) and he abandons everything to do that thing. the problem is when he does something ’good’ then he doesn’t understand that sometimess the good things should benefit the family. am I making sense? he places cleaning his hobby hovel on the same level as caring for the family, I guess that’s what I’m saying. the issue is he doesn’t actually do much for the famil, I have to do it all because he won’t. when i bring it up to him, he says ‘I’ve been cleaning all day.’ no matter how nicely or tactfully I say it, if I point out that cleaning the bedroom doesn’t help the family, he gets angry.

im exhausted. im tired of walking on eggshells. yes, im in therapy but its not helping me deal with him. he won’t entertain even the nicest of criticism. will he ever understand my point of view?

hello, please help me decide what to do. mom of 5 kids, work full time, busted my butt for my masters degree and I’m almost done. finishing my 9th class now and then have my 10th class in the summer. we can participate in the graduation ceremony in a few weeks (before my last class). we can participate in the graduation now or in December. here are the issues:

We only get 6 tickets. that means I have to choose between my kids and my parents and in laws. I want my kids to come so they can see how hard I have worked but realistically they won’t behave well during the ceremony. I have two with ASD and a toddler and they all just aren’t very patient and a graduation isn’t the place for them. but I want them there. My husband will likely be dramatic if he has to handle them by himself and I am worried he will ruin the day.

my Last graduaction for undergrad wasn’t what I hoped. My parents Wanted to leave early and it just stung. I was a young single mom who worked her ass off to graduate early with my BS degree. i just wanted my moment and I felt like they couldn’t even give me that.

I think I just don’t want to go because I’m afraid they will let me down again. My husband has a diagnosed personality disorder and tends to make things stressful. If I just go by myself he will be angry. I tend to just take care of everyone else and my needs go by the wayside so I just want this one thing for myself. Just for me. Do I go or skip it? Please don’t reply with ‘leave your husband’ or something like that lol. He is problem but that’s not the answer here for a lot of reasons. I just don’t know if I should go to graduation or skip it. Alternatively I thought I could just buy the cap and gown and take some nice pictures.