u/BudgetLush

Hey there girly pops! Lately I've been reading a lot of books where the plot is "ok so there's these two girls and they kiss." And its been great! I especially like the parts where there are girls kissing!

But I recently started to remember there are books where other things happen. And so I tried to think of what types of plots could be fun to check out.

You know what I've never read? Girls smashing the state... while kissing! Surely that exists? I'm open to anything in this vain but I'd prefer if it was a little less political-treatise and a little more be gay, do crime. Like meeting up at a riot or the local anarchist clothes swap or something.

Two days ago I posted here spiraling because I could not make the step of going out in public. Three weekends of aborted attempts had me in a pretty bad state.

And today was supposed to be Pride. So a day spent stewing and building up my anxiety.

Eventually I got too restless and decided to head out early with the intent to do what I failed at last weekend: visit a bra shop. They had enough signaling that they were LGBT-friendly, I really wanted something other than Amazon bralettes, and I kinda wanted my first presentation to be in a woman's space before a queer space, you know? I *am* a woman, but others make me into a queer.

I spent awhile in the parking lot. Not intentionally, but because apparently every vehicle around me apparently was being used by 4-6 men who took time chatting before somehow signaling to the next group that it was their turn. Eventually though, I set my stress ball down and went inside.

Its been at least twenty years since my egg cracked. I don't actually know when to start it from. The childhood bitter resentment of how unfair it was that I had to be a boy? The early teens of wishing I was gay so I could hide amongst the transsexuals? But I knew I was a girl by the time I was 16, and I'm 36 now, so let's say at least twenty years.

Twenty years. Inpatient psych wards from suicide attempts. Smiling and nodding along as therapist explained to me that they can't do much if I just smile and nod along. Brief forays into sex and relationships that felt so wrong I quickly swore them off. Repeated attempts at throwing one life away and starting a new one with the vague notion that it would somehow allow me to transition. Drinking the moment I got off work until I started needing to take the edge off by lunch break. Sobriety and the never fully repressed voice coming right back to the forefront and screaming at me.

Twenty years because I couldn't do a thing. I just did the thing.

And it went... fine. I was awkward as hell, of course. My voice alternated between masc, gay inflection, and barely audible whisper completely outside my control. I almost used the wrong name and then stared blankly as I tried to remember what I call myself. I realized too late that I actually had no idea how to put on a bra and had to have help.

But the world didn't end. I didn't die. I didn't suddenly realize I was a actually a man preying on women. I just awkwardly bought my first bras, everyone was nice, and went on my way. The pink one looks pretty cute and yeah, padding. Yay boobs!

I didn't go to Pride- I am so fucking emotionally spent. Im pretty much alternating between happy crying, then a little sad crying, then back to happy crying. It took me over two hours to write this.

Happy pride month y'all!

I know this has to be a common experience, but the constant reading of people's egg cracking and going out full fem the next weekend OR not wanting to go in public but when they are ready they are ready and just go...

Three weeks ago was my first laser hair removal appointment. Since I'd already told them I would be transitioning during consultation I went back and forth between how to present. I chickened out and went as a man.

Two weeks ago was supposed to be my second meeting with a trans support group. I did dress appropriately. Spent a few hours switching through my limited outfits until I decided what would be the most comfortable to wear. When I arrived, there was apparently another event in the building because the parking lot was packed and some older gentleman who was clearly directing started approaching my car. I swerved out of there.

Last weekend I'd made a plan to visit a bra shop. Explicitly queer-friendly, donates gender affirming undergarments to those in need. Put on my prettiest skirt and the top I finally found that looks good with it, pulled into their parking lot, pulled out of their parking lot and went home.

This weekend is Pride. I cannot think of any situation that I should worry less about expressing my correct gender than pride. I'm... not sure if I'll be able to make myself go.

Like, I know this has to be a common trans experience. But I kinda need reassurance that others have made it.

Hi, so I live a bit south of Athens but have rarely gone into the city. Or... any cities. And those scenarios have always been to specific places with specified parking. I have never been to a festival.

But I'm transitioning, and importantly, ready to start experimenting with social transitioning. So I should probably be checking out PrideFest on June 6th, right?

But along with the general anxiety that entails I just... don't know how you do stuff like that. Its in a nebulous place called "Downtown". It is my understanding that in places called "Downtown" parking is difficult. And if the festival is in Downtown, presumably you aren't actually parking in it.

I'm just worried I'm going to drive around increased confused, eventually accidentally drive into the event, get pulled from my car with people yelling "He tried to mow us down! And he even cross dressed to make fun of transwoman, you can tell by what a bad job of it he did!", then I get platformed by Fox and have to clarify/come out to an international alt-right viewership.

Can someone full baby-direction me?