Just got the Woodfire XL Grill and whenever the fan runs it sounds pretty loud, almost unbalanced?
Cooked a brisket and it worked well it's just noisier than I expected.
I know it's hard to describe/gauge over test but did anyone else feel like it was lid or are they generally fairly quiet?
Originally posted this on AITAH and almost immediately realized it was probably better suited for this sub, so don't mind the format:
I mostly feel like I am not the AH but I am feeling conflicted and I feel like my friends are a little TOO on my side, which makes me feel like maybe they're just telling me what I want to hear. There's a lot of background here, so please bare with me:
I (M38) have a friend Leila (F36) who had been my friend for over 15 years now. We met in school and instantly hit is off. For context, I am a gay man and she is a straight woman. For a long time the friendship was good, really good. We supported each other during rough times, saw each other regularly, we became best friends. At one point, after leaving her abusive relationship, we started spending more and more time together. This was fine since we really were very close but at some point the vibe started to change.
Every so often, if I did something without Leila or if she found out I hadn't told her something, she would get really upset. For example, one time we were at my apartment and my roommate asked me about a "date" I had the night before (there really was no date, it was seeing a friend and my roommate was just messing with me). Well Leila immediately got upset, saying how could I have a date and not tell her, how she deserved to know, and getting more and more upset. I kept trying to tell her there was no date, but she wouldn't drop it until I got legitimately upset and got very stern (even had to raise my voice a little for her to listen). These kinds of interactions started happening more and more to the point where even my mother started commenting things like "She knows you're not into women, right?". Now, I know Leila never had romantic feelings towards me, it was more like she started to expect me to fill the emotional needs one would normally look for in a partner.
A few years of this on and off and I moved away. Distance seemed to do us some good at first. I still regularly visited my home town due to work, so we saw each other every few months, but as the visits went on it became that every visit ended in some kind of drama or issue - she felt left out if my old roommate was around, she felt I didn't set aside enough time to hang out, I forgot something she said months ago, she would be upset that she wasn't invited to specific plans I had made with other friends. It all just became a lot and I started to put distance between us. I would do my best so that when we hung out it was just us, I would always set aside at least a few hours, etc. However; even then there was always some kind of issue.
Now to current day, Leila is getting married and I am in the bridal party, or was. Knowing that I lived accross the country she always made it clear she understood if I couldn't make it to one specific event or another. Cool. A few months ago, she told me she was having a bridal shower, one that she did not want to have but her future MIL forced it on her. At the time she was clear she did not care about it, that it was not something she wanted, and that she understood if I couldn't make it. Honestly, I didn't give it much importance because she made it seem like it wasn't. Maybe that's on me, I don't know. However; at the same time I offered for us to take a trip together as a sort of bachelorette, I planned the trip, the rest of the bridal party joined and we were set to go. I told her I'd pay for her part of the resort cost, which originally meant half a room, but then we ended with an odd number of people which meant I had to pay for a whole extra room for her. Fine, not ideal but I understood and didn't make it an issue. All this to say, I put effort where I thought it mattered.
At the same time that all this is happening, I planned a work trip right around her birthday an told her about it, not realizing that I would arrive the day after her bridal shower - this upset her. She was upset that I seemingly forgot the date (I admit I did, but I thought she didn't really care about it). I was focusing my energy on the bachelorette trip and then planned my work trip to be close to her birthday so we could celebrate. Right before the trip, I notice she is responding to texts less and less. When we arrive at our destination, I can tell she is off - mind you, they all traveled here together, I'm the only one arriving alone so I'm already feeling a little out of the loop so I didn't know if it was in my head or not. Later that night when we had a moment alone I asked if we were good.
Leila goes into this whole thing about how I forgot the bridal shower, how upset she was, how I didn't care, if I forgot this would I forget the wedding (extremely exagerated IMHO) and she lets is slip that everyone else on the trip knew she was upset with me and why. She tells me she didn't talk to me because she didn't want to "make it a thing" before the trip, but apparently had no problem making it a thing with everyone else and then clearly treating me differently. Nothing was really resolved there. The rest of trip felt somewhat off - group interactions were ok but she barely interacted with me one on one. She would randomly snap at me or get argumentative about little things that didn't really matter. By the end of the trip, I just felt like absolute trash but of course, if I did or said anything during the trip, I'd be the bad guy who ruined her bachelorette, so I just smiled and played along.
Back home, I decided I just couldn't do it any more. I couldn't keep acting like everything was fine and I felt like it wasn't right for me to be in her wedding party when at this point I was checked out of the friendship based on the trip (and everything before) and as far as I could tell she didn't even like me anymore either. I sent her a message saying all of this, and told her I'm not gonna argue or have long emotional conversation about it. I wished her the best and that was that.
The next day she sent me a text saying that we needed to have a conversation that she had a right to say her piece and that she "deserved" that much. It's been a few days and I haven't answered. And this is where I feel like I might be TA. I don't think I'm TA for ending the friendship - but part of me feels bad that we are a few months from her wedding (almost 4 months) and that I basically just stonewalled her. Was there a better way to go about this? I feel conflicted and I don't know if it's legitimate guilt or just pitty for a long term friendship?
Long time lurker, first time poster. And I'm not even 100% sure this is the right sub for this.
I mostly feel like I am not the AH but I am feeling conflicted and I feel like my friends are a little TOO on my side, which makes me feel like maybe they're just telling me what I want to hear. There's a lot of background here, so please bare with me:
I (M38) have a friend Leila (F36) who had been my friend for over 15 years now. We met in school and instantly hit is off. For context, I am a gay man and she is a straight woman. For a long time the friendship was good, really good. We supported each other during rough times, saw each other regularly, we became best friends. At one point, after leaving her abusive relationship, we started spending more and more time together. This was fine since we really were very close but at some point the vibe started to change.
Every so often, if I did something without Leila or if she found out I hadn't told her something, she would get really upset. For example, one time we were at my apartment and my roommate asked me about a "date" I had the night before (there really was no date, it was seeing a friend and my roommate was just messing with me). Well Leila immediately got upset, saying how could I have a date and not tell her, how she deserved to know, and getting more and more upset. I kept trying to tell her there was no date, but she wouldn't drop it until I got legitimately upset and got very stern (even had to raise my voice a little for her to listen). These kinds of interactions started happening more and more to the point where even my mother started commenting things like "She knows you're not into women, right?". Now, I know Leila never had romantic feelings towards me, it was more like she started to expect me to fill the emotional needs one would normally look for in a partner.
A few years of this on and off and I moved away. Distance seemed to do us some good at first. I still regularly visited my home town due to work, so we saw each other every few months, but as the visits went on it became that every visit ended in some kind of drama or issue - she felt left out if my old roommate was around, she felt I didn't set aside enough time to hang out, I forgot something she said months ago, she would be upset that she wasn't invited to specific plans I had made with other friends. It all just became a lot and I started to put distance between us. I would do my best so that when we hung out it was just us, I would always set aside at least a few hours, etc. However; even then there was always some kind of issue.
Now to current day, Leila is getting married and I am in the bridal party, or was. Knowing that I lived accross the country she always made it clear she understood if I couldn't make it to one specific event or another. Cool. A few months ago, she told me she was having a bridal shower, one that she did not want to have but her future MIL forced it on her. At the time she was clear she did not care about it, that it was not something she wanted, and that she understood if I couldn't make it. Honestly, I didn't give it much importance because she made it seem like it wasn't. Maybe that's on me, I don't know. However; at the same time I offered for us to take a trip together as a sort of bachelorette, I planned the trip, the rest of the bridal party joined and we were set to go. I told her I'd pay for her part of the resort cost, which originally meant half a room, but then we ended with an odd number of people which meant I had to pay for a whole extra room for her. Fine, not ideal but I understood and didn't make it an issue. All this to say, I put effort where I thought it mattered.
At the same time that all this is happening, I planned a work trip right around her birthday an told her about it, not realizing that I would arrive the day after her bridal shower - this upset her. She was upset that I seemingly forgot the date (I admit I did, but I thought she didn't really care about it). I was focusing my energy on the bachelorette trip and then planned my work trip to be close to her birthday so we could celebrate. Right before the trip, I notice she is responding to texts less and less. When we arrive at our destination, I can tell she is off - mind you, they all traveled here together, I'm the only one arriving alone so I'm already feeling a little out of the loop so I didn't know if it was in my head or not. Later that night when we had a moment alone I asked if we were good.
Leila goes into this whole thing about how I forgot the bridal shower, how upset she was, how I didn't care, if I forgot this would I forget the wedding (extremely exagerated IMHO) and she lets is slip that everyone else on the trip knew she was upset with me and why. She tells me she didn't talk to me because she didn't want to "make it a thing" before the trip, but apparently had no problem making it a thing with everyone else and then clearly treating me differently. Nothing was really resolved there. The rest of trip felt somewhat off - group interactions were ok but she barely interacted with me one on one. She would randomly snap at me or get argumentative about little things that didn't really matter. By the end of the trip, I just felt like absolute trash but of course, if I did or said anything during the trip, I'd be the bad guy who ruined her bachelorette, so I just smiled and played along.
Back home, I decided I just couldn't do it any more. I couldn't keep acting like everything was fine and I felt like it wasn't right for me to be in her wedding party when at this point I was checked out of the friendship based on the trip (and everything before) and as far as I could tell she didn't even like me anymore either. I sent her a message saying all of this, and told her I'm not gonna argue or have long emotional conversation about it. I wished her the best and that was that.
The next day she sent me a text saying that we needed to have a conversation that she had a right to say her piece and that she "deserved" that much. It's been a few days and I haven't answered. And this is where I feel like I might be TA. I don't think I'm TA for ending the friendship - but part of me feels bad that we are a few months from her wedding (almost 4 months) and that I basically just stonewalled her. Was there a better way to go about this? I feel conflicted and I don't know if it's legitimate guilt or just pitty for a long term friendship?
AITA for going about it the way I did?