u/Business-Level-4305

I am guy btw ( I wants to understand some Things )

( btw they were little children not even BOYS )

Islam teaches us to lower our gaze and I am trying to understand and discuss the severity of this issue

I know children are innocent, and I’m not blaming a little boys for simply looking very passionately and one of them even stood behind a waitress and slap her butt.

But I’m honestly sick of how often boys and men are shown as being in awe of girls and women, while people act like it’s cute or natural.

Why is it always boys staring at girls? Why don’t we see little girls behaving the same way towards men?

That difference says something. It feels like boys are taught very early to notice, admire, and stare at girls, while girls are taught to be the ones being watched.

This is why Islam teaches haya and lowering the gaze. Not because beauty is bad, but because even innocent curiosity can become a culture of staring when adults keep normalising it.

I’m tired of women and girls being treated like something to look at. Boys need to be taught respect, restraint, and dignity early.

I can’t even believe the little boys , children started to gaze at grown women in certain clothes in a very strange way and why did he slap her on butt if you think maybe he was staring innocently, but they get caught by dads and felt embrassed

As a guy boys and men makes me sick how much they are awe of women regardless of their age

is a woman such a massive test for boys/men?

what do you make of this mess?

Jazakhalkahir

( Mods please don’t remove this , it’s islamically related and give us a space to discuss things for god sake )

( they were little children , not even BOYS btw )

I am guy btw

Islam teaches us to lower our gaze and I am trying to understand and discuss the severity of this issue

I know children are innocent, and I’m not blaming a little boys for simply looking very passionately and one of them even stood behind a waitress and slap her butt.

But I’m honestly sick of how often boys and men are shown as being in awe of girls and women, while people act like it’s cute or natural.

Why is it always boys staring at girls? Why don’t we see little girls behaving the same way towards men?

That difference says something. It feels like boys are taught very early to notice, admire, and stare at girls, while girls are taught to be the ones being watched.

This is why Islam teaches haya and lowering the gaze. Not because beauty is bad, but because even innocent curiosity can become a culture of staring when adults keep normalising it.

I’m tired of women and girls being treated like something to look at. Boys need to be taught respect, restraint, and dignity early.

I can’t even believe the little boys , children started to gaze at grown women in certain clotes in very strange way and why did he slap her butt if you think maybe he was staring innocently, but they get caught by dads and felt embarrassed

As a guy boys and men makes me sick how much they are awe of women regardless of their age

is a woman such a massive test for boys/men?

what do you make of this mess?

Jazakhalkahir

I’ve heard some people say that a husband sometimes has to be firm, set clear boundaries, and not be too soft all the time, otherwise his wife may stop respecting him.

Some even say that if a man is always overly soft, overly polite, and never shows firmness, the woman may still tolerate him as a husband, but deep down she may feel “meh” about him like he is kind, but not someone she truly looks up to or feels protected by.

But I’m trying to understand where the line is.

In Islam, a husband is meant to be kind, gentle, protective, and merciful. At the same time, he is also meant to have leadership, responsibility, and the ability to say “no” when something is wrong.

So is the issue that a man should be verbally aggressive, or is it more that he should be calm but firm?

Also, when people say a wife should “love and fear” her husband, do they mean fear in the sense of intimidation, or fear in the sense of respecting his boundaries and not wanting to damage the marriage?

Because to me, a wife fearing her husband like she is scared of him sounds unhealthy. But respecting him enough to take his boundaries seriously sounds different.

I’m genuinely curious how married people understand this balance

Salam everyone,

I am guy in my 20s, born and raised in the US California

I wanted to ask something because I wonder if many of us from Eastern Muslim cultures are similar when it comes to choosing a spouse.

I have a very extensive social life because of the industry I am in. I have to be extroverted, well-dressed, well-groomed, and regularly dine clients Around the states . So if you looked at how I dress, my hygiene, my aura, and how I carry myself, you would probably think I am a non traditional modern guy in his 20s.

But when I come home, it is a totally different world.

At home, we are a standard traditional Muslim family, like many of you, with traditional values. That became my safe space.

Because of that, when I think about marriage, I notice I am looking for a woman who resembles the qualities I grew up seeing in my mother: traditional, very modest, feminine, soft, family-oriented, and respectful of my father’s qawwam role.

That is also why I noticed I have such an easy time not falling for white girls or non Muslim girls Infact they felt offended when I say I am fine for now which made them even more curious as why a guy in his 20’s rejecting to have a girlfriend, they get hit on by every guy I know in the office but not me and it has hit few of the girls personally and emotionally And scheming ,

in all honesty I do not see them as safe space, they are pretty but i know they will being chaotic energy to my life and I am busy and i keep Allah in my mind as much as i can even though I am not religious but i try

Anyway They are not my safe space emotionally or mentally. The only women I can truly imagine as a wife are traditional, modest Muslim girls.

So when I see some Muslim girls, not all, going down a path of shame, immodesty, and indecency, it genuinely makes me feel threatened. Not physically threatened, but threatened in terms of my marriage pool and the only space where I can imagine finding a wife.

For me, the only person I can truly call a wife is someone who feels familiar to my values, someone modest, traditional, feminine, and family-centred, similar to the environment I grew up in.

So I feel like I live in two worlds that conflict with each other.

On the outside, I look like a modern man. I dress well, groom well, socialise well, and move through modern society easily.

But internally and mentally, I am traditional.

Do other Muslims from Eastern cultures feel this way too, or is this just me?

Salam everyone,

I am guy in my 20s, born and raised in the US California

I wanted to ask something because I wonder if many of us from Eastern Muslim cultures are similar when it comes to choosing a spouse.

I have a very extensive social life because of the industry I am in. I have to be extroverted, well-dressed, well-groomed, and regularly dine clients Around the states . So if you looked at how I dress, my hygiene, my aura, and how I carry myself, you would probably think I am a non traditional modern guy in his 20s.

But when I come home, it is a totally different world.

At home, we are a standard traditional Muslim family, like many of you, with traditional values. That became my safe space.

Because of that, when I think about marriage, I notice I am looking for a woman who resembles the qualities I grew up seeing in my mother: traditional, very modest, feminine, soft, family-oriented, and respectful of my father’s qawwam role.

That is also why I noticed I have such an easy time not falling for white girls or non Muslim girls Infact they felt offended when I say I am fine for now which made them even more curious as why a guy in his 20’s rejecting to have a girlfriend, they get hit on by every guy I know in the office but not me and it has hit few of the girls personally and emotionally And scheming ,

in all honesty I do not see them as safe space, they are pretty but i know they will being chaotic energy to my life and I am busy and i keep Allah in my mind as much as i can even though I am not religious but i try

Anyway They are not my safe space emotionally or mentally. The only women I can truly imagine as a wife are traditional, modest Muslim girls.

So when I see some Muslim girls, not all, going down a path of shame, immodesty, and indecency, it genuinely makes me feel threatened. Not physically threatened, but threatened in terms of my marriage pool and the only space where I can imagine finding a wife.

For me, the only person I can truly call a wife is someone who feels familiar to my values, someone modest, traditional, feminine, and family-centred, similar to the environment I grew up in.

So I feel like I live in two worlds that conflict with each other.

On the outside, I look like a modern man. I dress well, groom well, socialise well, and move through modern society easily.

But internally and mentally, I am traditional.

Do other Muslims from Eastern cultures feel this way too, or is this just me?

I have observed a recurring pattern, both online and offline, but mainly online, among Kurds, Armenians, Azerbaijanis, Ismailis, Somalis, and other conservative cultures.

When the odd 1 or 2 women from their community marry out, many of their men seem to become angry, disturbed, or distressed that a woman from their community married outside the group.

I often see men saying things like:

“somali women are enough for me.”

“kurdish women are enough for me.”

And that’s it. Their position is usually very direct and straightforward.

But when it is the women’s turn to explain their preferences, I often hear things like compatibility, character, deen, connection, or personal circumstances.

My question is: why couldn’t that compatibility, deen, or character be found among the millions of men from their own community?

Or is it Laziness or not to be bothered enough to care about their identity much

I struggle to take that explanation seriously, which is why I am asking the question.

I sometimes wonder whether men become disturbed by women marrying out because men are instinctively programmed to feel protective towards the women of their family, tribe, or community.

Could that be why men in many traditional cultures are strict on women because they will be distressed and traumatised by what their women do?

Are these men reacting not to the individual woman but what they perceive as a challenge to a collective identity that they have been taught to value deeply since childhood , like it symbolically affecting the wide community or tribe, intertwined with family, kinship lineage tribe reputation and communal belonging

This is mostly found in men grown in a typical or standard traditional family

And if that is the case, is women’s psychology simply different?

My main question is this:

Do ethnic Pukhtun women genuinely care whether Pukhtun men marry out, or is this something that mainly concerns men?

I am particularly interested in hearing from Pukhtun men and women, as they know best what it meant to be puktun and their upbringing