Making a wolf mask as Adam/Bruce from Six Minutes Podcast >:33
This one’s gonna be weirdly bad for me tho, it’s like a “travel mask” thing, I got this base done and badly furred ears done in like 40 minutes last night bc I’m taking it on a road trip soon and I’m rushing🥹
I’ll remake it better someday but for now we gotta deal with finishing the bad one💔
SEND HELP😭
SOMEONE HELP OH MY GOD
I CAN FEEL MY STOMACH GURGLING OH GOD💔💔
DO WE STILL SAY CHAT OR DO I JUST SOUND OLD😭💔
IM SORRY ITS JUST HOW I TALK
EITHER WAY CALL ON AMBULANCE💔💔 /silly
(Image unrelated)
I have severely low iron to the point of needing this stupid Spirit Halloween cane on occasion, but I can only use it when I’m home alone bc if she knows, she’ll make fun of me😭
I listed a lot of other symptoms in a very recent post if you’re nosy lol
Anyway, I have multiple things I wanna get diagnosed with (DPDR, pyromania, some kind of sleeping problem, all suspected rn) but I can’t bc I can’t bring anything up to her bc I’m not really allowed to have a mind above what a seven year old would have (not without being ignored and made fun of at least), and if I did, she would laugh or look at me with that ‘popular girl’ “ummmmm okayyyyyyy….” look/tone (only way I know how to describe it sorry💔), forget about it, and then later ONLY remember it when she can use it against me in arguments
I can’t even stand or walk for more than 5-10 minutes at a time without getting dizzy, weak, losing my breath, my vision blurring, etc. I very often need things to help me walk or stand if it’s longer than that, but I can’t bc mom
Once, I was so dizzy and tired that I couldn’t walk straight or even step right and I kept almost walking into the road😭
Mom knows this too, she’s seen the dizziness, breathing, etc. a gazillion times, but instead of realizing smth might be wrong with me, she just goes “haha, I’m old, and you’re the one all hunched over and limping!”🥀
One time, I felt like I was suffocating and I was in pain bc I couldn’t feel myself getting any air at all (asthma), and when I tell her I can’t breathe, she went “Okay” and ignored me, then got angry and acted like I was being unreasonable when I got mad at her for that! That was a couple years ago
I also haven’t even seen an inhaler in multiple years!
Point is, there’s multiple diagnoses I wanna see if I have, multiple things I need help with with different disorders, but I can’t bc my mom just doesn’t give a crap and either does the rest of my family!
Fuck my life dude lol😭
This totally isn’t an excuse to talk about him…💔
We were on the ride home from San Fransisco and I was making some stupid joke that I can’t remember, but I had to say my name for it
When I got to saying my name, I almost said Magnus😭
She doesn’t know I have chosen names💔💔
I had to pause and think about it for a few seconds, silently going “wait what’s the name again??” For like An entire five seconds before remembering and continuing
Also earlier, on the ride to San Fransisco, when we were trying to connect mom’s phone to the car, it also gave an option to connect my phone and it said “Magnus’ phone” instead of “[Deadname]’s phone” and she saw
Luckily she knows Magnus is my favorite character, hopefully she just thought I was that obsessed but also I think she knows I’m trans😭
The photos are who I named myself after btw🥀 (none of the art is mine; the middle one is from Google, the other two are by gue.sst08 on TikTok)
(Didn’t know what tag to use sorryyyy)
Mom got me these chicken nuggets and said she knew I would like the characters on the front😋
A FULL YEAR AND 130 DOLLARS LATER, I HAVE MY BABY😭😭❤️❤️❤️
Come onnnn, you know you want to🥹
Do zebras neigh😭
I’m only questioning a foal though, not a full grown zebra💔
+ one of my husband at the end❤️
Bro I’m jealous of people who’s IDs are from shows, movies, games, etc😭 I have so few photos of me💔💔
I don’t even know if these are fully canon; in the books, I have a bow tie and I think my shoulders are on fire, but not in the photos😔
Got my fur professionally done again, this time to look like fire bc my hair was fire when I had my body as Xanthous, AND MOM SAID I LOOK LIKE XANTHOUS!! <333
The drawing at the end is a tadc icon of me I made for my door :3
She works at a hospital and usually gets home around 7PM (8PM at the absolute latest unless she’s on call), but lately it’s been just before 7
I started calling her at 8:20 and she didn’t answer my seven calls, and then she hung up my last one, and just texted “sorry, can’t talk right now.”
She never texts like that💔
She never says sorry, never punctuates, and never texts a full sentence; usually it would just be “can’t talk” or smth and that’s assuming she would say that, which she usually doesn’t, because she usually says why she can’t
So when I asked why, she just said “loud”
It never gets that loud at the hospital! Especially not to the point of being unable to hear a call. Also, she still wouldn’t usually type just “loud”, she’d at least give some context to it!
And then she says she’ll be home at 9:30PM (it’s 8:50PM rn)
That’s the latest she’s ever been home without having a meeting or work dinner, and when she has those, she always mentions them; not once has she ever just not told me about a late meeting or work dinner. Plus, when it’s those, she usually gets home a little past ten
And she won’t answer my question when I asked why it would be so late
Plus, she’s acting a lot more serious than normal!
And it’s Friday; she doesn’t have late meetings on Friday
Call me overdramatic, but what the hell could be going on over there, I get too paranoid for this shit😭💔
Edit: there’s fuckin demon dogs outside what the actual hell, that barking can not be a normal dog bro🥀✌️
This just goes for everything about me
My identity, my possible disorders, everything of the sorts
My gender, for example. I am everything and nothing at the same time, but also I’m neither everything nor nothing. I don’t have multiple genders, but I also don’t have only one, I don’t switch between them, I do have a gender, but I also kind of don’t, but I do, and I’m not apathetic towards it. No existing label fits me, I don’t want to be unlabeled, and even making my own labels doesn’t help. No amount of names or pronouns helps me, it all just feels like random letters that mean absolutely nothing, even if I do like them, and I’m not non-binary either
Even with disorders! I know something’s wrong with me, I know what I probably have, but because my mom doesn’t give a crap and I have to act like a dumb toddler, I can’t get a diagnosis, so I just have to go “yeah I’m just weird like that ig lol” when I know something’s wrong with me
And one of my suspected disorders (pyromania) is so rare that I just feel like a faker and an attention seeker whenever I say anything about it
I have dozens of names and pronouns because I don’t even know who or what I am, even down to my own NAME
I hate seeing how everyone else gets to have one or two labels that they know or them, or see people have access to diagnoses (I do technically, but my mom is the only way and she doesn’t care), or see people get things to help them with their diagnoses, or see people being able to pick a name and stick with it, because I can’t
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to know who I am or what I am; I’ll always be a completely mystery to myself. I’ll only ever know what a stranger could know when they see me for the first time :(
I don’t even know if I’m any of these at all🥀 (other than intersex, I know I’m not that lol)
Also how tf is it 341%
In order (left to right), it’s:
ADHD
Trans man
Six Minutes Podcast fan
Anti theist
PAW Patrol fan
The Land of Stories fan
Alterhuman
Asthma
Panromantic (just pansexual but romantic)
Infrasexual (feeling no or very little sexual attraction bc it’s beneath you)
Kraft mac and cheese favorite food
Iron deficiency
Free space
Suspected DPDR (can also cross out if you have both depersonalization and derealization without the disorder/without suspecting the disorder)
The Outsiders fan
Amalgagender (the inability to separate interests from gender/a xenogender user who has no idea why they use certain xenos; two definitions)
A love of starting fires/distress or anger when you cant
Writer
GameOverse fan
Gaybian (lesbian and gay at the same time)
A Tale of Magic fan
Monster Jam fan
Hungry Lamu fan
Zootopia fan
Xenogender/xenopronoun user :3
In order it’s: demon, angel, Xanthous Hayfield, Magnus Sato, mermaid, dragon, gryphon, robot, Adam/Bruce, BJD doll
I would’ve put deitykin and my own nameless kintype, but I didn’t know what to put for them😭
Hopefully that’s the right flair😭
It started with just angelkin (first shift yay), then it went to all my kins, and I know every other alterhuman does see each other as their kintypes, but also no you don’t
There’s a difference between seeing someone for who they are and your actual vision; in the vision of every being on earth, including mine, I’m just a stupid, weak, lazy, mentally and physically ill teenage girl; I will never be actually seen as my kintypes, and that’s terrible to remember :(
I have the worst dysphoria I’ve gotten in a while and I almost started crying when talking to my mom bc she just sees me as her teenage daughter!! To her, I’m not a demon or an angel, or a fairy/Demon King, or a gryphon, or unicorn, or dragon, or a deity, or some non-biological being; I’m just a weak human girl in her eyes! And everyone else’s eyes! EVEN IN MY OWN VISION!
The absolute closest I can I can get to actually being ME is masks and tails; but that’s just a “human” wearing a keychain or a piece of plastic and felt on their face, that’s not my tail or face!
I hate being human so much; people will NEVER actually see me, I’ll never even see myself, I’ll never actually be able to fly or have my powers or anything like that! I don’t even want to go outside and let people see this stupid human body :(