u/CantbeatES1

How I feel inside everything all conflicted and chained. I dont know how to describe this drawing any more then I know how to describe how I feel but I let my hands and heart do the talking. I feel like a dying flower with polluted hormonal water to drink from. even if its been years I've spent so much of my youth making up for my past I worry I'll forever be playing catch up.

neat fun fact: My birth flower is a daffodil which is what I drew there but I've always had problems with breaking rules in art. Everything has to be proper with me even if its something from emotions like this. I'm trying to do better and me making the pedals purple and orange instead of white and yellow was a little bit of rebellion against myself and allowing myself to do something I want and not what the world expects.

Its been happening more and more. Its always random, sometimes in matches, sometimes just in the lobby and sometimes loading in with no consistency. The game typically runs fine though at 90-95% cpu at 60fps but at random my whole pc will slow to a crawl for about 20 seconds, ending in a "time skew maxed" error, and having to reconnect after which the game will go back to running normally.

I'm being lectured by my baby trans friend of 4 months on the 'ethicacy' of basically not being 'loud and proud and authentic about being trans. I'm of the camp that I think boymoding until you can safely stealth is the best outcome we as transwomen can get especially in places that aren't as accepting while my friend is of the camp that we should all "live loud and proud" and to "not care what other people think" as we only live one life and it shouldn't be lived suppressed. I apologize if I'm misinterpreting her but this is how I read our discussion.

I think that behavior is idealistic but unsafe and honestly not great for people like me who are not proud to be trans and want to completely sever ourselves from this as much as we can. I can see that we are completely opposite and shes going down a different path. A friend of ours would've agreed with her and was a very out and proud transwoman who is now dead (By suicide, supposedly, but I cant help but blame her outlook on being trans as a big part of that).

All of this conversation lead to this in the screenshot where her (black) is telling me I'm 'trapped' for hiding that I'm trans from people including my friends and how its unfair to them. Even mentioning how "there is a 6ft, bearded transwoman at my workplace and she's treated fine"

Who's wrong here really. I'm already stealth and I don't tell anyone I'm trans as it is (and I'm already trying to separate myself from all of this except for helping my lateshit friends who all decided to start transitioning last year for some reason) but Is it wrong for me to not want to own it? or should I really get myself a trans patch on my jacket or something.

I'm a little in over my head with this one. These are my ginkgo saplings, I have been growing them since last October (southern Ontario, indoors) and brought them through the proper process of stratification. Everything was going well at the start of spring but recently a lot of them started looking very sick with the except of the three "overachievers" you can see in the photos.

They all were planted at the same time, get watered at the same time (once every week and a half or so, finger checking dryness) and are grown under the same grow light (6 hours direct red light, 6-8 inches away) They are all using the same soil (0.4 - 0.03 - 0.04 ) /peat moss combo and the soil drains pretty well.

There was about 13 of them that actually sprouted but now I worry that only 3 are looking like they'll survive the next month or so.

What is going on here? why are some doing better then others? is there anything i can do or are some of these saplings just duds? I noticed some, (like the seed in the top right, or the group in the bottom left) stopped growing entirely at this point while the largest ones reached that point weeks ago and stagnated.

I'm aware these are outdoor plants and they will be hopefully soon, I figured I had more time then this if that is the issue.