u/Capital_Progress_390

I’ve had dandruff all my life. Most people (including me) have mostly ignored it, but my dad is a clean freak (he showers 2-3 times a day) and always points out the flakes on my shoulders when he sees me and buys me Head and Shoulders shampoo. It never works. I’ve been using Head and Shoulders all my life. My dad thinks I’m not using it whenever he sees me. “You still have dandruff?! Why aren’t you using that Head and Shoulders?”

I am. It never works. Anyway, I decided to see a dermatologist a couple months ago. I explained all this, and she prescribed me some medical grade shampoo. 2.25% selenium sulfide. Surprisingly, it actually worked! I came back a month later, and no flakes! She said I had some special sort of dandruff; I can’t remember the exact name. “Don’t go too far down the rabbit hole,” she said. Weird suggestion, but whatever. I googled “selenium sulfide,” and apparently the consumer brand is Selsun Blue. Head & Shoulders doesn’t even contain any selenium sulfide. So now I’ve been getting Selsun Blue shampoo instead of Head & Shoulders. I’m not sure why it works better. The only problem is that the Selsun Blue only has 1% of the SS instead of 2.25%.

Since I never actually notice the dandruff myself (it never itches or anything), I can’t really tell if this weaker, generic brand is working. Maybe I should FaceTime my dad and see if he can tell.

Can anyone here tell a difference? If I just squirt a shit ton on my head, will it do the same as the prescription grade?

Maybe this is a popular opinion…but I’ve seen a rise in atheists claiming on one hand that they “follow the evidence” but that “Jesus never existed” on the other. As a Christian, I believe Jesus is the Son of God, that He died, rose on the third day, and ascended into heaven. That’s what Christians believe…BUT if you aren’t a Christian and don’t believe those things, I can respect you. It takes a lot of faith to believe that, and I understand that not everyone has that faith. I understand the need for proof to believe something.

HOWEVER…

Most atheists and even followers of non-Abrahamic religions like Hindus and Buddhists would have told you 20 years ago that Jesus of Nazareth was a real historical figure who had a large following and was crucified under Pontias Pilate. They understandably don’t believe in His resurrection. It takes no faith to believe in the historical claims that He existed, though. Just an understanding of history. There are even extra-biblical references to Jesus like the Quran, apocryphal gospels, writings from non-Christian authors and historians like Josephus, a Jew, Celsus, a Greek philosopher, and basically all modern historians, both religious and secular. There are no respectable historians who believe Jesus did not exist.

The idea that Jesus never existed didn’t even begin until the 19th century in Germany with philosophers like Bruno Bauer and Arthur Drews. Keep in mind, these were philosophers, not historians, and every historian up until then agreed that Jesus existed.

Today’s mainstream historians argue that mythicists apply a hyper-skeptical double standard to Jesus that they don’t apply to other historical figures. Nobody argues that Muhammad never existed or that Socrates never existed.

If you believe Jesus never existed just because you aren’t a Christian, I respect you about as much as someone who believes the world is flat just because you’ve never seen the world from space or who doesn’t believe vaccines work because you didn’t get COVID even though you were never vaccinated.

I’m trying to start a jazz vocal group and band. I’ve been wanting to carry the baton of the New York Voices since they’re retiring. I’ve got a bunch of their arrangements…mostly four part, but a couple five parters too. Anyway, so far I’ve got myself (baritone, but I’ll mostly sing bass), a tenor, and then TWO sopranos (with no alto, but our tenor has someone he can ask). I’ve also got a drummer and pianist…and a potential bassist that our drummer can ask.

I’ve got no experience with starting a band. I’ve been in some large vocal groups that others have started. This is quickly becoming a mess because the two female singers I originally asked both happen to be sopranos, and I forgot. I asked one of them if she could sing alto, and she said no. So it’s starting to look like I might have to exclude (I can’t say “kick out” because we haven’t even started yet) one of them. Or I can keep them both, add an alto, and just sing five-part pieces. How would you deal with this?

Also, our potential bass player (he hasn’t committed yet) plays electric bass. I’d really like an upright bass, which he says he’s never played before. I may be wrong here, but I’ve never seen electric bass in jazz other than in funky, Herbie Hancock style jazz. Definitely not for slow ballads with soothing bass solos. So I’m not sure whether to formally invite him to join or to wait until I can find an upright bassist.

So my two conundra are—

1. We’ve got two sopranos and no altos
2. I’d like an upright bass player and only know an electric player

If you’ve ever started a jazz band, how would you deal with this, without hurting anyone’s feelings?

Before anyone gets their panties in a wad—and I know they will anyway—I still strongly support the right to free speech and to peacefully protest. However, I think our country would be more peaceful and less divided if people voluntarily chose not to exercise that right until it’s absolutely necessary. When you do the same thing over and over again, people become numb to it. When you’re constantly talking about politics, it gets old, and people (particularly myself) just tune it out. It’s kind of like a drug tolerance, but with politics.

We all have the right to vote. I think this would be a much more effective way to influence our political landscape. Yelling your strong opinions at people on social media isn’t going to change anyone’s mind. Voting for a candidate with similar views to yours, on the other hand, can actually create change. When you keep your political views between you and the voting booth, nobody gets angry, and we create change peacefully and civilly. I’m not going to tell anyone that they HAVE to use this method, but simply that it’s more effective and better for our country. It could also save some of your relationships.

Pardon my language here, but most native English speakers know this phrase. I hope mild profanity is allowed here. I’m just looking for a single adjective to describe such a person. The closest word I can think of is “neurotic,” but I’m not sure if that quite captures it. “Perfectionist” is close but also doesn’t capture it. A person who’s never quite satisfied and can’t relax because they always have something to be mad about. Someone who is always irritated. How would you describe that person in one word?

I’m honestly not sure if my frustration is with Frank himself or just his listeners/fans…let me explain.

I fucking love jazz. It’s probably the one thing I love most next to God. I can’t say I love my wife and kids more because I don’t have either. So yeah, jazz is my second favorite thing in the world. Which is why I get frustrated when people who aren’t super into jazz hear a song title like “It’s All Right with Me” or “Desafinado” and ask, “Oh, that Frank Sinatra song?”

Yes…those were Frank Sinatra songs; you’re technically correct. However, they were jazz songs by Cole Porter and Antonio Carlos Jobim much earlier. Frank just covered them in a much more pop and “for the masses” style.

The more I think about it, I don’t really blame Sinatra OR his audience…I’m not sure where to place the blame. He was great at covering songs. That’s a true talent. But I can’t blame his audience either because jazz is kind of a niche genre that lots of people just can’t get into…but everyone likes Frank Sinatra, so people automatically gravitate towards his songs. It’s frustrating. 90% of people don’t know who Cole Porter and Antonio Carlos Jobim…but everyone knows who Frank Sinatra is. So of course they’re going to think that these jazz standards were originally Frank Sinatra tunes…because that’s all they’ve heard.

If only his albums had listed/credited the original musicians by the song titles, and maybe if he’d mentioned them during his live performances, people would know.

He’s kind of like the Michael Bublé of the 20th century. Only in this case, I prefer his original songs like “My Way” and “New York, New York” over his watered down jazz covers, but the other way around with Michael.

Frank Sinatra was an extremely talented musician, no doubt, but he’s quite overrated in my opinion. And while I don’t think it was intentional, he kind of took away some of the glory from the original musicians. I think part of that may be because of the era we’re living in now. When he originally sang “It’s All Right with Me” in the 1950s, I would assume more of his audience had heard Cole Porter’s and/or Ella Fitzgerald’s version because it was more recent. Now that it’s the 21st century, people have only heard Sinatra’s version.

But that begs the question…why did his become more popular now? Just because it’s more recent or because people just don’t like jazz anymore?

Give me your thoughts, and don’t hate on me for disliking Frank Sinatra. I don’t dislike him; I just dislike how his modern fans receive his music. I love his original tunes.

Milk started bothering my digestive system maybe five years ago. I went to my doctor, and he said I’m probably lactose intolerant, and drinking Lactaid milk and/or goat milk should fix it. That seemed to work at first, but the Lactaid milk has been bothering me lately. Goat milk does not (yet). There’s really no consistency. I can’t predict it. One day I’ll drink some milk, and it won’t bother me at all. The next day it’ll give me explosive diarrhea! But the Lactaid bothering me is pretty recent. I just made myself an espresso latte today using Lactaid, and now I’m super bloated.

Any idea what’s going on?

I’m 37 and only been in two exclusive relationships. My last relationship was…seven (?) years ago? I can’t even remember. I’ve been single for so long.

One thing I often hear is that women want men who are ambitious. I’m not ugly or poor, but I do lack ambition…and I have really no desire to be ambitious. If I started trying to be ambitious, it would only be for the sake of attracting a woman. I don’t want to be rich* or famous.

People say I should “work on myself.” Why? I like where I live. I like my boring job. It would be nice to get paid a little more, but it’s remote, my boss is cool, and I get to help people. It isn’t exciting, and I’m not changing lives, but that’s why I like it.

I don’t have many friends, but the ones I do have are high quality. My two best friends are guys I went to school with, and we have great memories together. And I have some other friends/acquaintances from church.

I don’t want to be a doctor or lawyer. I don’t want to be a CEO—that just sounds stressful. I don’t want to be “successful.” I just want to be acceptable.

But women don’t want this. They want someone who has DRIVE. I have no drive. And maybe that’s the problem? I don’t have enough drive to get a girlfriend. Am I just doomed to be single all my life?

* Okay, rich would be nice for the sake of financial stability and security, but even if I were rich, I wouldn’t buy a mansion, sports car, or fancy jewelry. That would just attract gold diggers and the wrong type of “friends” who are just there to ask you for money. I’d put the money in a savings account that I could use to go to Fiji for a year if I wanted. I definitely don’t want to be famous though.

As a bit of a background, I work a healthcare job that requires me to be on the phone 90% of the time, so I probably notice this kind of thing more than the average Joe. There are two instances when this happens.

The first one we all see, anyone who’s ever talked on the phone. You call someone, they answer, and then they say, “I can’t talk now, can you call back later?” Okay, if you can’t talk, that’s understandable…but if that’s the case, why did you bother answering? Have you heard of this thing called voice mail? It’s existed for about 50 years and serves that exact purpose. If you can’t talk, just don’t answer the phone, and you can leave a message! Crazy, right? And even if you don’t use voice mail, I’ll still call back later. It’s part of my job. Answering the phone if you can’t talk wastes both of our time. If you can’t talk, then DON’T. It’s that simple. You don’t need to inform me of your unavailability.

Then there’s the second thing that’s more specific to my job, so you may not have experienced it. “Answering services.” I often have to call a doctor’s office to help a patient get an appointment. If the office is “closed,” I’ll call and the “answering service” answers.

“Answering service, this is Kim.”

“Hi Kim, I need to schedule an appointment with Dr. K.”

“I’m sorry, the office is closed, please call back Monday.”

Okay, so if the office is closed, and you can’t help me, WHY DO YOU EXIST? Why do doctors waste money on these “answering services” to answer and then do nothing but tell me to call back later? Just because people need a job? Just set up a voice mail! At least then, I can leave a message that you can listen to the next day and call back when you’re open.

Modern phone etiquette—either answer the phone and have a fruitful conversation, or if you’re busy or don’t feel like it, don’t answer. Two simple options. There is no third option. “Answer and say to call back” is NOT an option! Or at least it shouldn’t be. It’s pointless and a waste of time (and sometimes even money) for both parties.

I’m not partisan. I don’t care if the next governor is a Democrat or a Republican. I just don’t want one of the most corrupt politicians in charge of our state. My thought is to vote Republican in the primary. Then I’ll probably vote Democrat during the main election. Do you think that’s a good strategy? Which Republican candidate is most realistically able to beat Blackburn—Rose or Fritts? Or would it be a more effective strategy simply to vote for a Democrat in both elections?

I’m going to a vocal jazz workshop/masterclass, and I was asked to prepare two jazz songs of “contrasting styles.” I know what I want the first song to be—“Better Than Anything” by Al Jarreau. I know that song better than probably any other jazz tune. The second song is more of a challenge. I’ve really been thinking about “Stitched Up” by Herbie Hancock and John Mayer. It’s probably my favorite Herbie song…and John Mayer song too, although I don’t listen to him as often. Anyway, my biggest hesitation is whether they’re “contrasting styles.” The example given was a swing song and a bossa nova song. Are “Better Than Anything” and “Stitched Up” contrasting styles? I’d consider “Stitched Up” to be jazz-funk, but I’m not sure what style “Better Than Anything” would be considered.

One alternative to “Stitched Up” I considered was “Stardust,” but I recently found out someone else was doing that one, so I don’t want to double up. I also considered “The Girl From Ipanema” with the Portuguese lyrics, but I don’t have time to learn the lyrics and pronunciation. There’s also “How High the Moon” by Ella Fitzgerald. I kinda-sorta know that one, but it’s been a long time since I’ve sung it, and while I love the song, I hate singing the very end. The “moo-oo-oo-oon” is just very…I dunno. Soprano? Feminine? I’m a guy who sings baritone.

Anyway, what do y’all think? Is “Stitched Up” a different style than “Better Than Anything?” What jazz sub-genre would you consider the latter? I know both songs well. The others, I would need to do some significant practice before the workshop, and I’ve only got just over a week to prepare.

The USA has tried permanent Daylight Saving Time twice—once in the 1940s and again in the 1970s. It failed both times, and people hated it. My question is why haven’t we ever tried the opposite—abolishing DST altogether and going to permanent standard time?

The USA has tried permanent Daylight Saving Time twice—once in the 1940s and again in the 1970s. It failed both times, and people hated it. My question is why haven’t we ever tried the opposite—abolishing DST altogether and going to permanent standard time?

One thing that really frustrates me is the fact that most social behaviors are perceived as either polite or rude. It’s very dualistic/black and white. There’s no neutral option.

For example, holding the door for someone is seen as polite. Not holding it is seen as rude. However, my socially awkward brain sees it differently. I agree that holding the door is polite. Where I differ is that I don’t think that any other option is necessarily rude. Now if someone actively slammed the door in my face, THAT would be rude. Holding it open is polite. Slamming it is rude. But doing neither—simply entering the building like normal—is neutral. But most “normal” people don’t see it that way. Everything is either polite or rude. There is no middle ground.

Another example. If I get a gift, no matter how big or small it is, I’m expected to say “thank you.” While I agree that thanking people is a polite thing to do, I don’t see why failing to do so is necessarily rude. This gets even more awkward when it’s not a physical/financial gift but something more subtle like a compliment. Let’s go back to the door example.

If someone holds the door open for me. I’m expected to say “thank you.” If I say it, I’m being polite. If I say nothing, according to the International Council of Unwritten Rules, I’m being rude. In my mind, if I say thank you, I’m being polite. If I say “f*ck you,” I’m being rude. But if I say nothing at all, that’s completely neutral. I’m neither respecting nor disrespecting you. I’m just going on about my day, and you’re welcome to do the same.

I’m reaching middle age. My parents taught me all the manners/etiquette rules, but I never understood them, so I still don’t always follow them. Sometimes I just don’t want to be noticed. I don’t want to be perceived as a rude person, but I also don’t want to be perceived as a polite person. I just want to be ignored so that I can go on about my day without being praised or chastised. I don’t want a ten minute interaction with a stranger, positive or negative.

I guess this was more of a rant than anything, but are there any truly neutral social behaviors? Ones that are neither polite nor rude, but just…are?

I don’t need the full sheet music, just a lead sheet for a rhythm section to improvise off of. I’ll be singing, and there will be a piano, bass, and drums. I’ve found a few online, but they’re not very accurate. I’m singing the Al Jarreau version, and there’s a bridge—“Elephants dancing, clowns on parade”—right after the first two verses with a modal shift/key change for four bars. Then at “rides on the midway,” it moves back to the original key. The only other difference is that the first verse has different lyrics, but I can easily fix that just by crossing them out.

It also needs to be in Al’s original key. Is there anywhere I can find this sheet, or could someone write it for me?

I don’t need the full sheet music, just a lead sheet for a rhythm section to improvise off of. I’ll be singing, and there will be a piano, bass, and drums. I’ve found a few online, but they’re not very accurate. I’m singing the Al Jarreau version, and there’s a bridge—“Elephants dancing, clowns on parade”—right after the first two verses with a modal shift/key change for four bars. Then at “rides on the midway,” it moves back to the original key. The only other difference is that the first verse has different lyrics, but I can easily fix that just by crossing them out.

It also needs to be in Al’s original key. Is there anywhere I can find this sheet, or could someone write it for me?

I’ve found this second generation Prius at a used car dealership. It’s just $11,000 for a 2014. I have decision anxiety. I came in late today to test drive and hopefully buy the car, but before buying, I wanted to be sure the battery had been replaced at some point. From the research I’ve done, Prius batteries last about a decade, and this is an eight year old car. It’s got just over 100,000 miles on it. So if this car still has the original battery in it, this is obviously a no-go. But if the battery has been replaced or repaired recently, it’s a great deal.

Apparently the service department is out until MONDAY. I’m in an expensive rental car right now. I work every day (including weekends). I don’t have time to deal with this shit. I need a new car because my old one is totaled. I’m still working on the insurance claim.

For some background, my last car was a Nissan Leaf. The battery died on me at just 27,000 miles! So I’m sure you can understand why the battery age is such an important factor in my decision. I need to know this before I buy that car. But I also have amassed hundreds of dollars on this fucking rental, and it’s only going to get worse between now and Monday. What would you do?

Sales is open tomorrow, but not services BTW. It’s stupid.

Or for that matter, even more liberal? Having no income taxes is cool and all, but Marsha Blackburn is one of the most corrupt politicians alive today, and if she becomes governor, I just might have to leave. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a Democrat, but when I found out about the THCA and kratom bans that she successfully pushed, I was outraged. The whole kratom mass phobia largely started with the synthetic 7-OH shots, or “gas station heroin” as it’s often called, being sold. 7-OH is an addictive substance found in kratom, so people started fearing kratom altogether, even though it’s been consumed as a tea in SE Asia for centuries. Then when Matthew Davenport died of a so-called “kratom overdose,” which isn’t a thing BTW, it was the perfect chance to ban kratom. Matthew likely died of a Benadryl overdose if you look at the autopsy. Kratom was in his blood, but along with many other drugs.

And then there was the THCA ban along with that. We all know THC is not physically addictive, and no one has ever died from it. But Mrs. Bitchburn wanted to ban that too. Now the only recreational substance left is alcohol, which is more deadly than THC and kratom combined. People die from alcohol poisoning every day, but nobody’s got a problem with that. After all, Tennessee produces Jack Daniel’s whiskey, and Nashville is defined by honky tonks and pedal taverns! But when safer (not completely safe, but a lot better than chugging a bottle of Jack) substances come on the market, they have to ban those! Thanks, alcohol lobby!

What’s next, caffeine? If Marsha becomes governor, she’ll probably ban coffee because one person died from taking a caffeine pill 20 years ago.

Anyway, enough venting. How can I as a voter help make Tennessee more tolerant when it comes to these and similar substances? People who are truly addicted will just go to another state to get them. I know the primary is soon. Which Republican candidate is the most libertarian on issues like this? Since Tennessee is so red, I feel like it would be more wise to vote in the Republican primary instead of the Democratic one. Obviously not Blackburn. Then when it comes to the main election, the Republican candidate won’t be so radically conservative, and I can just vote Republican. Or maybe I’ll just vote Democrat. I just don’t think that’s realistic in a state like Tennessee.

What do you think is the wisest move here?

So I “totaled” my 2020 Nissan Leaf. By “totaled,” I mean I dinged up the left front. There’s a hole in the headlight, and the front wheels and axel are a bit misaligned. Thankfully nobody was hurt—I just hit a pole.

Liberty Mutual is offering me $10k for it. At first it was $9k, but when I informed them that it had a brand new battery and uploaded the receipt, the adjuster brought it up to $10k.

The thing is that whenever I look up “2020 Nissan Leaf 27,000 miles for sale,” these things are selling for between $12-15 grand. $10 grand doesn’t sound fair to me. They also offered to just pay $6k and let me keep the car and sell it myself. So I have three options:

1. Accept my losses and just accept the $10,000.
2. Accept the $6,000 and try to sell it for parts, hopefully for $7,000-9,000. I’ve never done this before though.
3. Keep fighting the insurance company, which is getting tiring.

What say you?

So I “totaled” my 2020 Nissan Leaf. By “totaled,” I mean I dinged up the left front. There’s a hole in the headlight, and the front wheels and axel are a bit misaligned. Thankfully nobody was hurt—I just hit a pole.

Liberty Mutual is offering me $10k for it. At first it was $9k, but when I informed them that it had a brand new battery and uploaded the receipt, the adjuster brought it up to $10k.

The thing is that whenever I look up “2020 Nissan Leaf 27,000 miles for sale,” these things are selling for between $12-15 grand. $10 grand doesn’t sound fair to me. They also offered to just pay $6k and let me keep the car and sell it myself. So I have three options:

1. Accept my losses and just accept the $10,000.
2. Accept the $6,000 and try to sell it for parts, hopefully for $7,000-9,000. I’ve never done this before though.
3. Keep fighting the insurance company, which is getting tiring.

What say you?