u/Careless_Whispererer

We’ve owned a business since 2014. I do the books, he does operations. The first years were tough. Businesses and laws change. We’ve always covered the business costs. And he and I have made a salary. We bought ourselves mediocre jobs without any benefits. (Not complaining. Grateful. Just providing a quick snapshot.)

Lately…

He comes home every day and parrots to me the sales numbers. Some days are good and some days are bad.

And I don’f like hearing the sales numbers everyday. It makes me feel like a shaken baby. It’s like a drive by shooting. And it means I cannot ask him about his day- how he feels- and be his connective wife. Anything interesting happen today.

He walks in the door and it’s…….Sales Number.

At the same time hed never schedule a profit and loss monthly review. And big picture planning. He has no interest.

We are down 20% year over year. For the last three years. We live inexpensively.

Tl;dr Should I ask my husband to no longer communicate daily and schedule a monthly? How do I support him and feel safe.

PLEASE ONLY ANSWE ME IF YOUVE BEEN MARRIED 10+ YEARS:

So when we were dating… I thought we always did things WE liked.

Given some time, I’ve realized he only agreed to like the things I liked.

Hiking.

Frisbee with dogs.

Camping.

Sitting by a river with a picnic.

Reading.

Married and Fast Forward… he always went along but never really came up with anything HE liked.

We played tennis together.

He golfed.

Free concerts on a lawn at a city park.

Biking a greenway.

Hiking to a waterfall.

Friday night game night- Monopoly or something.

Saturday night Star Wars or Geeky something.

(Not every night like three times a year).

Fast forward…

And he has zero interests or ideas. And I don’t want to drag people any longer. About what to eat. Any opinion really.

After work he’d sit in a recliner watching rerun of sitcoms. (Which is fine 50%.).

We have a teen… and it’s always side eyes and rolling eyes and complaining. “Why do we always kayak on vacation MOTHER…”

(We’ve kayaked 3 times in 18 years. Borrowing someone’s kayaks.)

Everything is me dragging my husband and daughter and I don’t want to another day.

So the vibe… hang with me here as I try to describe this… along comes Mother’s Day and they perk up asking “what would you like to do”… and it’s like checking off a box. There is no prescience. And she’s always watching the time… ready to exit.

My birthday pops up and they are “ho hum” under the surface- “gotta do something mom likes” in a camaraderie together about me being lame or a nerd in the things I like to do.

So… the vibe… of obligation to me. And being present in a shared moment once a month…

I stay busy. And enjoy doing things alone. No big deal, no bad attitude. I have friendships. And a small career.

Our youngest will leave August 2027.

My question is…

Tl;dr My 58yo husband has no interests. But performs connection as obligation. It feels like ass.

I want to be freely chosen and desired… and enjoyed.

What do you do when in the family your leadership is viewed as lame? Why keep showing up?

(I’d rather hike alone with the dog and get fresh ice cream from the dairy.)

We are picking out a girl puppy this summer. What are the most desirable traits?

And coloring?

Thoughts?

Our weim passed aways 2y ago so we are prepared.

I’ve used ChatGPT for journaling for aince 2025. Asking for honest feedback. What are my blind spots, where can I take more responsibility?

And today-

Maybe the last 4 months, it has become an old lady smearing me with fearmongering and guard rails.

Even attributing motives I don’t feel… as a part of fearmongering.

AND… I have a lot of data/journaling content in it.

So I’m asking for a summary of the 25 best “ah ha” moments of 2025 and 2026 and moving on to another platform.

Anyone else make a change and happy with where you landed?