u/CecilDreeme

I usually attempt running/jogging once a year and immediately quit because I try to go too fast and lose all my breath. This time I was feeling really good after an hour of sauna/cold plunge and decided to see how far I could jog (slowly!!) at 9pm.

I made it one mile in just under 13 minutes! This is very exciting for me because I almost never do cardio. I haven’t ran a mile since middle school!! (which is.. 16 years ago)

Most importantly, I found out night runs are so much better for me than morning/day runs.

About 1.5 years into "puberty" (started testosterone at 28) I noticed my hairline suddenly looking "transparent" whether it was wet or dry. And I couldn't remember if it had always looked like that. But over the course of a few more months I could see if was getting thinner further up my forehead (rather than just "squaring" up), but again, not really noticeable to other people/hard to photograph. Most men in my family are bald by their mid-20s, so the likelihood of MPB is pretty high for me.

I asked my doctor if I could start finasteride, since I wasn't ready to commit to oral or topical min (and my body is already covered in hair). She put me on 1mg a day just to see what the lowest effective dose would be. She wasn't too concerned about interrupting puberty, since I'd done about 2.5 years of T overall (had a year too when I started and had to stop bc of insurance) and have been happy with what I've gotten from it so far.

Just finishing up 3 months of treatment and I realized my hairline actually looks fuller again, no longer feel like I'm looking through my hair on my forehead. I'm so glad I decided to just go for it and see what fin by itself would do, rather than say, waiting a few years and then trying to get my hair BACK.

I've been on-and-off having conversations with my therapist about whether I want to stay on a full dose of T (levels around 400ng/dl) or go back to microdosing like I did back in 2021 (keeping my levels around 50-90ng/dl).

I feel like I have some decent reasons on both sides, but mainly because it's getting expensive and I honestly don't even remember what it felt like to not be on T so I'm like "couldn't have been bad, right?" Maybe y'all have advice for managing the "cons" on my list? Anyone experienced similar decisions and have advice?

Pros of staying on current dose of T

- more energy

- easier to build muscle (or you know.. I could work out more)

- shorter and lighter menstrual periods

- way more consistent emotions

- higher libido

- less anxiety (idk could have a lot of factors)

- body smell is masculine and I like that

- I like how my face is shaping up

Cons of staying on current dose of T

- treating vaginal atrophy was fine up until this point.. but now I'm also experiencing urethral atrophy and recurrent UTIs. My doctor is going to change my estrogen Rx from suppository to topical to hopefully fix it... but bladder problems are a sensory nightmare for me and they've been going on a long time now

- already on a low dose of finasteride because the men in my family bald super young and my hairline started thinning... I refuse to bald. Upside is, no medication sideeffects from the fin.

- I have a really strict skincare routine now because of acne... plus dermatologist bills since some of my stuff is Rx

- I'm starting to have trouble affording the blood tests my doctor wants me to have quarterly because I'm also anemic.. and testosterone is apparently worse for iron-deficiency anemia with the added risk of high hematocrit. I've talked to her, but there aren't a lot of blood tests we can omit. And I haven't qualified for medicaid in a long time. The UTIs have also gotten very expensive for me and my job is kind of unstable rn.

- I'm not sure if my voice would keep dropping at this point, because I'm honestly pretty happy where it's at (androgynous).

Basically, a lot of the logistical, medical issues surrounding T are stressors rn.

Changes I like that I get to keep either way

- bottom growth

- body hair

- voice drop

I really like being seen as a man more often, but I'm also pretty comfortable simply being understood to be butch/masc/not a woman. I've stopped T before, but only from a microdose since I had to get some congenital pituitary problems diagnosed a few years ago.

I decided to try to Garmin Vivoactive 5 since it was on a big sale. I've been biking a little more lately and I play pickleball. I would like to lift more, but I don't make it to the gym super often. I was curious about the sleep scores and overall fitness metrics Garmin can provide.

I've been using it this last week, the biggest plus has been how easy it made it to track swimming. It gets me a more accurate step count than my phone. It's a bit of an ego boost to see that my fitness age is lower than my actual age. The intensity minutes are good too since I don't actually track if I get enough exercise every week (apparently I do.. but it's definitely easier in the summer). Maybe in winter the watch would be a good reminder to get my exercise in.

One thing I've been wondering in the return policy window of the watch is whether it's useful enough to know all these metrics if I'm not training for anything and my cardiovascular health is generally where I need it for my age already? It's like finding a balance between "do I need this as more encouragement to move?" or "am I moving enough that extra screens and metrics are just overcomplicating things?"

Obvi, most people on this subreddit will be pretty active users. But I'm wondering how you feel about the watch feedback especially if you're not training for anything in particular.

I feel like a lot of people might be able to relate to this or have experience getting through my situation.

I (28) came out to my parents (66f/79m) one week ago as a trans man. It's been a year since I started T. I'd decided to wait that long to come out to really make sure I was happy with all the changes, felt confident and comfortable as a man at work, with friends, at therapy, before telling my parents. I had this fear that the moment I told them they would make me feel so bad about it I'd "change my mind" (I also ID'd as nonbinary for 6-7 years before realizing I feel great as a man, but that's also been making me question myself bc it took me so long to accept myself).

So I went from feeling really confident, happy, and handsome in my gender and so excited about more changes coming from T (esp facial hair, which has been slow for me) to like: my mom having a crashout about me coming out, making me feel ugly for even "considering" T, telling me what a beautiful girl I am, etc. I've seen my parents 2-3x a week for the last year since I started T and they just haven't noticed (I help them out a lot because their health isn't great and we're 1st gen). So my mom is just torn between telling me, "I'm all she has" and "I've ruined her life."

But my parents (mom in particular) have made me feel so down about my gender in the last week that this is the first time I've ever seriously considered detransitioning and being satisfied with me being just a butch lesbian to them (which was only tolerable to them anyway). I'm torn between just wanting the misgendering and guilt-tripping to end versus with doubling down on masculinity so that they'll see me, even though I'm a queer guy who still likes some "feminine" things.

Anyway, how do you deal with suddenly questioning your own gender out of pure transphobia? It's like a year of learning to like myself and be excited about my transition was just wiped out by my parents. But like, I can't really cut them off or anything—again, Slavic immigrant expectations.