u/Ceresberus

I don't even know what to do anymore, I just feel tired and numbed out. It's like I'm not even surprised by it. My current partner just informed me they have plans to move countries in the future, after it being established that long distance is an absolute dealbreaker for me.

This is the second time this has happened, the previous partner who did it blamed me for basically not paying attention even though i said at the very start long distance was a dealbreaker for me, and they basically drip fed me vague information about it for the whole relationship, then used that as an excuse to blame me for not understanding. I even told my current partner about the first time and how awful it was for me and they still chose not to tell me their plans until now. I don't fucking know why people think it's acceptable to get involved with a partner, get them attached, and THEN inform them later of things that would massively affect the relationship.

I don't know what keeps inspiring me to keep trusting and putting my faith in other people. I give my all in friendships and relationships and just feel like none of it ever matters. minus the betrayals, i also just dont feel like i get anything back from people. I love being in love, i love relationships, i love people, i just wish i could find someone who actually cares enough to prioritise me or communicate important information early on, someone whos healthy and kind and respects my boundaries and wants the same things that I do. I'm genuinely so tired. I've asked my partner for space, and part of me wants to get fucking pissed off with them, to make them feel small for making me feel like a fool again, but i dont even think i have the energy to do so.

why do they always say shit like ‘you didnt manage your expectations’ when breaking up with you. bitch i wasnt even allowed TO HAVE expectations, youd just push me away to avoid talking about them every time i wanted to have a serious conversation, holy fuck.

as it says in the title. i reached out because the fact that he unblocked me made all of my progress getting over it melt down the drain, i was feeling better before that. i waited a few weeks to see if my emotions would calm down before reaching out, but they didnt, so i told him 'if youre not willing to have a conversation about closure, then please keep me blocked' and he did block me. i argued with him and lashed out at the end of our relationship because he massively betrayed my trust by not communicating about something extremely important, and he basically refused to have a conversation after, even though i attempted to apologise for it. so many questions were left unanswered and he never took accountability for how he kept pushing me away and how he wrecked my trust. we then went no contact and i tried to finally give him the space he wanted, but he blocked me everywhere anyway after i reached out the first time.

its been about a month since he unblocked me and a couple weeks since i asked him to block me again, and i just cant fucking cope anymore. i am in so much pain emotionally. i miss him and i hate him and im so tired of pretending im okay. the fact that he could have just unblocked me and shot me a message at any time makes my blood boil. i have tried everything i can to feel a sense of closure, ive deleted every photo i have of him, hidden the gifts he gave me, tried to get every reminder out of my life. i work on myself and my hobbies every day, im writing a book and growing vegetables and reading poetry out in front of strangers, i talk to my friends and push myself out of my comfort zone and just try to heal. none of it has worked. i feel so stuck and tired and i dont know how to get out of it. everything feels hopeless, and i dont want it to be this way. i wish he didnt unblock me at all.