u/ChadSuRgent

I’m Moroccan living abroad I don’t really know my way around Morocco
Any recommendations for beaches that are not dirty ?

I have anorexia-bulimia. I used to severely restrict my food intake, and several times a week I would binge and then purge.

During my last bingeepisode, I had a wake-up call because my throat started bleeding. That was the moment I decided I wanted to stop.

Today, although I still struggle with some restriction, I eat three light meals a day. I still have a fear of gaining weight, but as time goes on, I'm putting less and less pressure on myself when it comes to food.

Today marks exactly four months since my last binge-and-purge episode, and I really hope it stays that way.

I went on medication for social anxiety a while back, and it honestly helped a lot. I don’t cringe or panic when talking to people anymore, I used to literally shake during conversations.

But even though the anxiety is mostly gone, I still don’t enjoy socializing. It actually drains me. Every time I talk to someone, I find myself just waiting for the moment they leave so I can be alone again.

I don’t even know if I’ve always been like this or if my environment made me this way. I had a pretty rough time in middle school, I was overweight and ugly as hell. Things are different now, though. I’ve changed physically, and people (who I don't know) actually approach me when I’m out (gym, beach, bowling, etc.), people at college want to be friends

But I just… don’t feel like engaging. It’s not fear anymore, more like a lack of interest or energy. I genuinely prefer being alone.

I only have one close friend, the only person I really connect with. With everyone else, it just doesn’t click, that friend is just as asocial as me.

is it social anxiety or am I just more of an introvert ?

I am still extremely confused about how I look, I have a past of ocd and depression, which made me have intrusive thoughts which would sometimes be quite irrational, I thought I had a severe facial deformity and I would hide away and wear covid masks.

After getting treated, these thoughts started fading away

I was wondering how I could tell if I'm really 100% ugly.

I know that male validation is not necessarily correlated to how attractive you, but I pretty much get hit on multiple times a day, sometimes at university too

I don't have any troubles anymore getting integrated in a group of girls, this is something that I feared, since in middle school popular girls were typically mean to me