u/Character-Fly7394

Reposting because my last post got removed and I was so sad because so many of you left thoughtful replies that made me feel so much better. I think it may have been b/c I edited it and mentioned the word therapist/therapy? It was a while ago so I’m not totally sure lol. 

Anyway.

My therapist said something recently that I can’t stop thinking about. He basically told me that my son might end up being more bonded with our nanny than me because she’s with him during the earllier daytime hours more and it honestly sent me into a spiral.

Our nanny is great and my son loves her. My family is really far away in New York while we’re here in Colorado so she really is the only  “village” I have.

But ever since that conversation I’ve been completely in my head about it. Second guessing myself constantly. Am I more tired than the average FTM? Probably. Have I struggled at times? Absolutely. And now I just feel guilty all the time. 

I think part of why this hit me so hard is because I already feel really sensitive about being judged as a mom. When my son was around 7 months old, my dog had a life threatening surgery while in laws were visiting us. It turned into this huge horrible fight and someone ended up saying they thought I cared more about my dog than my baby. It  honestly destroyed me emotionally at the time.

So now it feels like EVERY comment about motherhood just sticks in my brain forever 😭

Logically I know I’m his mom. He calls me mama. I know how loved he is and how strong our bond is. But the comment still got to me so badly and now part of me keeps thinking I should stop having help and just do everything myself. Idk. But I would completely burn out. It’s already hard and I’m incredibly lucky I even have help since we have zero family nearby.

EDIT: I think I need to include this part because it keeps coming up. My mom also sided with the therapist. "What type of mother doesn't want to wake up with their child every single morning???" Which is laughable, bc she never once took us to school or made breakfast lol. Which I could care less about, its mores her completely lack of emotional presence.

I don't even know why I even care what she says because I'm trying to do everything she DIDN't do for my siblings and I. I guess it would just be nice to have her respect me as a mom and say im doing a good job once in awhile, which she does and has, but then she makes me anxious too. Now telling me he needs to be in daycare and socializing more. It's never enough.... It's always something. Sorry. Im just feeling really low and just not good enough at all.

And I appreciate all the comments more than you guys know. Thank you.

Already watched: VPR, Summer House/Winter House, Southern Charm, ALL of The Real Housewives franchises multiple times lol, The Valley, Shahs of Sunset, Next Gen NYC, Million Dollar Listing, etc.

I need something with elite cast chemistry, chaos, humor, drama and something SUPER bingeable. I have a few hours tomorrow to do absolutely nothing and would love a show I can accidentally watch 5 episodes of straight 😭

Current contenders are:

1.  Family Karma

2. Southern Hospitality

3. Below Deck

4. Married to Medicine

5. Ladies of London

What should I start?

We did sleep training around 8 months and after legit 2 nights it’s worked amazingly. Since then he’s been an incredible sleeper and including naps!

A few weeks ago he dropped 2 to 1 nap and it’s been great. He’ll take a 2-3 hour nap and it gives me time to rest and relax or get things done.

The last 3 days though have felt like we completely went backwards…. He’s 18 months and suddenly the nap refusal is INSANE. He will just stand up in crib refusing to sleep. I can’t handle listening to the crying endlessly so I’ll take him out after 15 mins or so. But then he’s exhausted fussy and miserable the rest of the day and night and honestly my whole day starts feeling way too stressful.. 😭

I know teething is apart of it and I do give Tylenol on a schedule, but is this normal? Has anyone else gone through this after having a really solid sleeper?? Please tell me this is a phase because I’m starting to really struggle here

I've been prescribed ADHD meds for years, but becoming a mom made me realize how much ADHD actually affects my day to day.

I feel like becoming a mom amplified every ADHD trait I already had in a way I never imagined. It also triggered my OCD and anxiety beyond belief. But isn't some of that normal for first time moms too?

Between overthinking, emotional regulation, my inability to relax/ turn off of my brain.....Procrastination, task paralysis, social dread... It just all feels so much more intense now. Sometimes I feel like I can never truly relax during naps bc I'm basically just waiting for the crying.

I also can't tell anymore what's ADHD, or sleep deprivation, normal mom stress, or my meds wearing off. Sometimes when my meds crash I feel weirdly irritable and guilty after.

And honestly, sometimes I feel guilty because I feel like nothing gets done around the house without my meds. Like I should be able to handle basic everyday stuff naturally but instead everything feels 10x harder without them.

Does anyone else have a serious love/hate relationship with Adderall or other ADHD meds?

I really wonder how most moms do it. Between the breastfeeding, exhaustion, pumping, newborn phase, sleep deprivation, I honestly don't get it.

Part of me wishes I could handle all of this more naturally the way it seems like other moms do. Does anyone else with ADHD feel similar after becoming a mom or am I just overthinking all of this?