u/Character_Shame8520

My husband and I have been together since I was 14 and he was 16, so he’s basically all I’ve ever known. We recently got married, and now that he’s away at boot camp, I’ve had a lot of time to think. I’m starting to question whether our relationship is actually healthy.

We do have a lot of good memories together, and I do love him. He’s been there for me through hard times and I’ve been there for him too. But there are also a lot of things that bother me and make me nervous for our future.

He can be very passive aggressive and critical toward me. He says I don’t give him enough affection no matter how hard I try. During arguments, he usually blames me and says I’m the problem or that I need to work on myself. He also refuses to let me walk away during arguments even though I need space to calm down. There have been times where he wouldn’t let me leave or get out of the car until I talked to him. One time I felt so trapped and scared that I almost pepper sprayed him.

There have also been physical incidents before. He has pushed me down twice during arguments. Another time he grabbed my wrist and dragged me because I was “walking too slow.” Sometimes he plays too rough with me and ignores me when I tell him to stop. He’s grabbed my face during arguments before too. I’ll also admit that I slapped him once during an argument years ago, which I know was wrong, but he still brings that up constantly while acting like the things he’s done aren’t as serious.

Another thing that hurts me is that I don’t always feel supported emotionally. I had a syncope episode that caused me to wreck my car, and I still haven’t been cleared to drive because I’m continuing to have episodes. Instead of being understanding, he mostly seems annoyed and keeps asking why the doctors won’t clear me already.

We currently live with my parents, and he’ll criticize the food they make or complain about it to me afterward, which I think is disrespectful. He also refused to help me get a car recently because he thought financing it briefly would hurt his credit, even after I explained it wouldn’t.

What scares me the most is that after his training we’ll likely move out of state for the military. I’ve told him before that if he deploys someday, I’d probably want to come back home to my parents instead of being alone in another state, and he got angry and said I needed to stay where we were stationed. The idea of being isolated away from my support system honestly scares me.

I recently started therapy, and my therapist thinks this time apart is good for me to figure out what I really want. Part of me feels guilty for questioning the marriage now instead of before we got married. But another part of me feels like I ignored these doubts for years and now they’re coming back stronger.

TL;DR: My husband [25M] and I [23F] have been together since we were teenagers. Since he left for boot camp, I’ve started questioning our marriage because of controlling behavior, past physical incidents, criticism, and fear of being isolated away from my family after we move. I love him and we have good memories together, but I’m scared I’m ignoring red flags.

How do you tell the difference between normal relationship struggles and signs that a relationship is genuinely unhealthy? Has anyone else started realizing doubts after getting married or after finally having space from their partner?

My husband and I have been together since I was 14 and he was 16, so he’s basically all I’ve ever known. We recently got married, and now that he’s away at boot camp, I’ve had a lot of time to think. I’m starting to question whether our relationship is actually healthy.

We do have a lot of good memories together, and I do love him. He’s been there for me through hard times and I’ve been there for him too. But there are also a lot of things that bother me and make me nervous for our future.

He can be very passive aggressive and critical toward me. He says I don’t give him enough affection no matter how hard I try. During arguments, he usually blames me and says I’m the problem or that I need to work on myself. He also refuses to let me walk away during arguments even though I need space to calm down. There have been times where he wouldn’t let me leave or get out of the car until I talked to him. One time I felt so trapped and scared that I almost pepper sprayed him.

There have also been physical incidents before. He has pushed me down twice during arguments. Another time he grabbed my wrist and dragged me because I was “walking too slow.” Sometimes he plays too rough with me and ignores me when I tell him to stop. He’s grabbed my face during arguments before too. I’ll also admit that I slapped him once during an argument years ago, which I know was wrong, but he still brings that up constantly while acting like the things he’s done aren’t as serious.

Another thing that hurts me is that I don’t always feel supported emotionally. I had a syncope episode that caused me to wreck my car, and I still haven’t been cleared to drive because I’m continuing to have episodes. Instead of being understanding, he mostly seems annoyed and keeps asking why the doctors won’t clear me already.

We currently live with my parents, and he’ll criticize the food they make or complain about it to me afterward, which I think is disrespectful. He also refused to help me get a car recently because he thought financing it briefly would hurt his credit, even after I explained it wouldn’t.

What scares me the most is that after his training we’ll likely move out of state for the military. I’ve told him before that if he deploys someday, I’d probably want to come back home to my parents instead of being alone in another state, and he got angry and said I needed to stay where we were stationed. The idea of being isolated away from my support system honestly scares me.

I recently started therapy, and my therapist thinks this time apart is good for me to figure out what I really want. Part of me feels guilty for questioning the marriage now instead of before we got married. But another part of me feels like I ignored these doubts for years and now they’re coming back stronger.

TL;DR: My husband [25M] and I [23F] have been together since we were teenagers. Since he left for boot camp, I’ve started questioning our marriage because of controlling behavior, past physical incidents, criticism, and fear of being isolated away from my family after we move. I love him and we have good memories together, but I’m scared I’m ignoring red flags.

How do you tell the difference between normal relationship struggles and signs that a relationship is genuinely unhealthy? Has anyone else started realizing doubts after getting married or after finally having space from their partner?

My husband and I have been together since I was 14 and he was 16. He’s the only relationship I’ve ever had. We recently got married, and now he’s away at boot camp. Since he’s been gone, I’ve had a lot of time to think and I’m realizing I don’t know if our relationship is healthy or if I’m making a mistake staying.

We’ve had a lot of good memories together and I do genuinely love him, which is why this is so hard. He has been there for me during difficult times and I’ve been there for him too. But there have also been a lot of issues that I keep questioning.

He can be very passive aggressive and critical toward me. He often says I don’t show him enough affection no matter how hard I try. If we argue, he usually blames me and says I need to work on myself. He also refuses to let me walk away during arguments even though I need space to calm down. There have been times where he physically stopped me from leaving or wouldn’t let me out of the car until I talked to him. One time I was honestly scared and almost pepper sprayed him because I felt trapped.

There have also been physical incidents in the past. He has pushed me down twice during arguments. Another time he grabbed my wrist and dragged me because he thought I was walking too slow. Sometimes he plays too rough with me and when I tell him to stop, he says he’s joking or that I’m lame. He’s grabbed my face during arguments before too. I want to be fair and admit I have slapped him once before during an argument, which I know was wrong, but he still brings it up constantly while minimizing the things he has done.

Something else that bothers me is that I don’t feel emotionally supported sometimes. I recently had a syncope episode that caused me to wreck my car and I still haven’t been medically cleared to drive because I’m continuing to have episodes. He seems annoyed by it and keeps asking why the doctors won’t clear me already. When I wanted to buy a car recently, he refused to help because he said financing it briefly would “mess up his credit” even though I explained it wouldn’t. We currently live with my parents, and when they cook dinner for us he criticizes the food to me afterward, which I find disrespectful.

Now I’m scared because once he finishes training, we’ll likely move out of state for the military. I already told him before that if he deploys in the future, I would probably want to come back home to my parents so I wouldn’t be alone, and he got angry and said I needed to stay where we were stationed. The idea of being isolated away from my family while having these same arguments honestly scares me.

I’ve started therapy and my therapist thinks the time apart is good for me to think about what I want. Part of me feels guilty for questioning the marriage now instead of before we got married. Another part of me feels like I’ve had these doubts before, ignored them, and now they’re coming back stronger.

TL;DR: My husband [25M] and I [23F] have been together since we were teenagers. Since he left for boot camp, I’ve been questioning our marriage due to controlling behavior, past physical incidents, criticism, and fear of being isolated away from my support system after we move. I love him and we have good memories together, but I’m scared I’m ignoring major red flags. I’m in therapy but feel torn and don’t know how to move forward.

My husband and I have been together since I was 14 and he was 16. He’s the only relationship I’ve ever had. We recently got married, and now he’s away at boot camp. Since he’s been gone, I’ve had a lot of time to think and I’m realizing I don’t know if our relationship is healthy or if I’m making a mistake staying.
We’ve had a lot of good memories together and I do genuinely love him, which is why this is so hard. He has been there for me during difficult times and I’ve been there for him too. But there have also been a lot of issues that I keep questioning.
He can be very passive aggressive and critical toward me. He often says I don’t show him enough affection no matter how hard I try. If we argue, he usually blames me and says I need to work on myself. He also refuses to let me walk away during arguments even though I need space to calm down. There have been times where he physically stopped me from leaving or wouldn’t let me out of the car until I talked to him. One time I was honestly scared and almost pepper sprayed him because I felt trapped.
There have also been physical incidents in the past. He has pushed me down twice during arguments. Another time he grabbed my wrist and dragged me because he thought I was walking too slow. Sometimes he plays too rough with me and when I tell him to stop, he says he’s joking or that I’m lame. He’s grabbed my face during arguments before too. I want to be fair and admit I have slapped him once before during an argument, which I know was wrong, but he still brings it up constantly while minimizing the things he has done.
Something else that bothers me is that I don’t feel emotionally supported sometimes. I recently had a syncope episode that caused me to wreck my car and I still haven’t been medically cleared to drive because I’m continuing to have episodes. He seems annoyed by it and keeps asking why the doctors won’t clear me already. When I wanted to buy a car recently, he refused to help because he said financing it briefly would “mess up his credit” even though I explained it wouldn’t. We currently live with my parents, and when they cook dinner for us he criticizes the food to me afterward, which I find disrespectful.
Now I’m scared because once he finishes training, we’ll likely move out of state for the military. I already told him before that if he deploys in the future, I would probably want to come back home to my parents so I wouldn’t be alone, and he got angry and said I needed to stay where we were stationed. The idea of being isolated away from my family while having these same arguments honestly scares me.
I’ve started therapy and my therapist thinks the time apart is good for me to think about what I want. Part of me feels guilty for questioning the marriage now instead of before we got married. Another part of me feels like I’ve had these doubts before, ignored them, and now they’re coming back stronger.
TL;DR: My husband [25M] and I [23F] have been together since we were teenagers. Since he left for boot camp, I’ve been questioning our marriage due to controlling behavior, past physical incidents, criticism, and fear of being isolated away from my support system after we move. I love him and we have good memories together, but I’m scared I’m ignoring major red flags. I’m in therapy but feel torn and don’t know how to move forward.
My question is: how do you know the difference between normal relationship struggles and signs that a relationship is genuinely unhealthy? And has anyone else realized doubts like this only after getting married or after having space from their partner?