u/CharityOk758

My ex and I broke up a little over a week ago after almost 8 years together. The breakup itself wasn’t hateful. During our last phone call we both said we still loved each other, but the call felt very short, emotional and heavy. It ended with a vague “no contact” kind of situation, but she also said I could reach out if needed.

For days I kept debating whether I should message her or not. Not to try and win her back immediately, but because after so many years it felt strange to suddenly never speak again. There were still practical things to discuss, but also things I felt I never got to properly say during that last call.

So eventually I sent a respectful message asking if she’d maybe be open to having a call at some point. I specifically said I wasn’t trying to fix everything right now and that I’d respect it if she didn’t want that.

It’s now been around 10 hours and she still hasn’t answered or even opened the message, and honestly it’s messing with my head badly. Part of me feels relieved that I at least tried and communicated honestly. Another part of me feels like I completely fucked up by reaching out and that maybe she never wants to speak to me again. I thought I was ready for whatever outcome but turns out I wasnt.

Has anyone else here sent one final respectful message after a breakup just because things felt unresolved? Did they ever answer later, or did silence basically become the answer?

I know nobody can predict what she’ll do. I think I’m mostly struggling with the uncertainty and the feeling of going from best friends to complete silence overnight.

My ex and I broke up a little over a week ago after almost 8 years together. The breakup itself wasn’t hateful. During our last phone call we both said we still loved each other, but the call felt very short, emotional and heavy. It ended with a vague “no contact” kind of situation, but she also said I could reach out if needed.

For days I kept debating whether I should message her or not. Not to try and win her back immediately, but because after so many years it felt strange to suddenly never speak again. There were still practical things to discuss, but also things I felt I never got to properly say during that last call.

So eventually I sent a respectful message asking if she’d maybe be open to having a call at some point. I specifically said I wasn’t trying to fix everything right now and that I’d respect it if she didn’t want that.

It’s now been around 10 hours and she still hasn’t answered or even opened the message, and honestly it’s messing with my head badly. Part of me feels relieved that I at least tried and communicated honestly. Another part of me feels like I completely fucked up by reaching out and that maybe she never wants to speak to me again.

Has anyone else here sent one final respectful message after a breakup just because things felt unresolved? Did they ever answer later, or did silence basically become the answer?

I know nobody can predict what she’ll do. I think I’m mostly struggling with the uncertainty and the feeling of going from best friends to complete silence overnight.

I honestly don’t really know where to start because my head feels completely overwhelmed right now. Its a long story and i needed it out. Also hoping for some advice.

My girlfriend of almost 8 years broke up with me 6 days ago. We started dating around 20 years old and basically grew up together. It was my first real love and she shaped a huge part of my life and who I became. We had genuinely amazing years together, especially in the beginning, and I really thought we would grow old together.

But over the last couple years the relationship became unhealthy and painful for both of us. There were issues with communication, resentment, intimacy almost becoming non existent during the last 2 years, insecurity from my side, loneliness and me constantly doubting things while also not being able to let go.

At one point she worked at a bar/restaurant and that period caused a lot of resentment and anxiety from my side because she would often come home much later than expected, not communicate properly and there was a lot of partying, alcohol and drugs around that environment. At the same time I also became difficult emotionally. I carried a lot of anxiety and frustration into the relationship and I know I hurt her emotionally too.

About a year ago we moved to Portugal together, to an island, hoping it would help us reconnect and improve our relationship. We really did try. But things became stressful there too. She struggled finding stable work and I felt a huge amount of pressure trying to make things work financially and emotionally at the same time. Eventually we ended up long distance again for the last 5 months and things slowly fell apart emotionally.

The breakup happened over a 1 hour phone call after not seeing each other for those 5 months. During that call she mentioned she didn’t want to come back to where I live anymore and that she wants to move to Australia. That was originally also our dream together, but after how stressful the last year had been financially and emotionally, I honestly didn’t know anymore how to realistically make that happen.

So part of the breakup was that our futures stopped lining up. We both talked about things that had become difficult in the relationship, but honestly during the call I barely knew what to say most of the time. There were long silences and everything felt rushed and emotional.

At the same time there was still a lot of love during that call. We both cried, apologized for hurting each other and said we still loved each other. I told her she’s an amazing girl, that I’ll miss her and that I still love her. She said similar things back to me.

We also talked about no contact, but honestly it was pretty vague. It wasn’t like we made some strict rule never to speak again. She mentioned maybe being friends eventually and said I could always reach out if I needed to talk. In that moment I didn’t really know how to respond because I was overwhelmed, so I kind of just said that if she ever wanted to talk again she could message me.

Now I’m completely struggling mentally and physically. I sleep terribly, barely eat, constantly check socials and online statuses, overthink everything and feel like I'm in panic mode. I know logically the relationship had a lot of problems and I wasn’t truly happy for a long time, but emotionally I miss her so much that it physically hurts.

Part of me thinks I should fully respect the space and let her move on. Another part of me feels like after almost 8 years, ending with one emotional phone call and complete silence feels wrong and unfinished. There are also practical things to talk about eventually like belongings she still has here with me.

I’ve written a message asking if she’d be open to one calmer call at some point, but I haven’t sent it yet because I’m terrified of making the wrong choice. It’s not necessarily to get back together right now, but because I feel like there are still things left unsaid and I care deeply about her as a person. Deep down there’s still hope somewhere, but I also know if there ever was a chance of things working again it would need a lot of time, space and growth from both of us, and I know I shouldn’t hold onto that hope too much right now either.

Even though our futures stopped lining up, Australia is still something I want for myself too eventually. I think part of what hurts is that it used to feel like “our” dream and now I have to imagine it differently.

One thing that’s really messing with my head is social media. I accidentally came across a breakup reel she liked that basically talked about “wasting your 20s on someone’s ungrateful son” and it completely destroyed me emotionally because I already carry a lot of guilt and regret about how I acted during parts of the relationship. Ever since then I’ve been terrified that maybe she already emotionally moved on, sees the relationship as meaningless now, or only remembers the pain.

At the same time, realistically I also know it’s only been 6 days after almost 8 years together and I can’t imagine she just stopped caring instantly. But my anxiety keeps telling me otherwise and I genuinely don’t know how to deal with those thoughts.

So I guess my questions are:

Is it okay to send that message asking for one calmer conversation at some point? Or is that disrespectful considering we talked about giving each other space?

And how do you deal with the anxiety of imagining your ex moving on quickly or seeing the relationship completely differently than you do? Is it realistic that she probably still thinks about me too, even if she’s the one who ended things?

thanks for taking the time to read.

My girlfriend of almost 8 years broke up with me 5 days ago. The breakup wasn’t hateful and we both still love each other, but the relationship had become unhealthy and painful for both of us over time.

We agreed on no contact, but not in a super strict way. She said I could always reach out if I needed to talk, but I told her if she ever wanted to talk again she could let me know and i wont reach out.

Now I’m struggling badly with the silence. I keep wanting to message her, not necessarily to get back together immediately, but because after almost 8 years it feels unnatural to suddenly never speak at all. I also want to clear up some things I regret from the breakup call and know how she’s doing.

At the same time, I’m scared I’m only wanting contact because I miss her and can’t handle the loss yet.

People who’ve been through this: Did breaking no contact early help or only make things harder?

My girlfriend of 7 years broke up with me 4 days ago. We were long distance for a long time and slowly our futures stopped lining up. The breakup wasn’t hateful and we both still love each other, but the relationship had become painful for both of us over the last couple years.

We had problems with communication, resentment, insecurity from my side, intimacy disappearing and just feeling disconnected from each other. The breakup happened over a 1 hour phone call after not seeing each other for 5 months. We both cried, apologized and said we still care deeply about each other.

We agreed on no contact, but not in a super strict way. She said maybe we could talk again someday and that I could always reach out if I needed to talk. I told her if she ever wanted to talk again she could let me know.

Now I’m struggling badly with the silence. Part of me wants to message her just to talk and know how she’s doing, while another part of me thinks respecting the space is the healthier thing to do.

People who’ve been through long relationships ending, did no contact actually help? And is it normal to still want to reach out this badly even when you know the breakup probably happened for real reasons?

My girlfriend of 7 years broke up with me 4 days ago. We ended on relatively loving terms and both admitted we still care deeply about each other, but the relationship had become unhealthy and painful over time.

Today while scrolling Instagram reels randomly (not stalking her profile), I saw a breakup reel she had liked. 

The text basically said:

“I wasted my 20s on lockdown and someone’s ungrateful son so now I’m 27 acting like I’m 22.”

Seeing that hurt me deeply because I already feel a lot of guilt and regret about ways I hurt her emotionally during the relationship. We had issues with resentment, communication, insecurity, intimacy etc. and I know I wasn’t always a good partner.

But at the same time, I genuinely loved her and tried for years to make things work. The breakup wasn’t because one of us cheated or hated the other.

I know liking a reel doesn’t necessarily mean “this is exactly how she sees me,” but emotionally it hit me really hard and made me feel like maybe she sees me as someone who ruined her life or wasted her years.

Am I overthinking this because the breakup is still fresh? Or would you also take this kind of thing personally after such a long relationship?

My girlfriend of 7 years broke up with me 4 days ago. We ended on relatively loving terms and both admitted we still care deeply about each other, but the relationship had become unhealthy and painful over time.

Today while scrolling Instagram reels randomly (not stalking her profile), I saw a breakup reel she had liked. 

The text basically said:

“I wasted my 20s on lockdown and someone’s ungrateful son so now I’m 27 acting like I’m 22.”

Seeing that hurt me deeply because I already feel a lot of guilt and regret about ways I hurt her emotionally during the relationship. We had issues with resentment, communication, insecurity, intimacy etc. and I know I wasn’t always a good partner.

But at the same time, I genuinely loved her and tried for years to make things work. The breakup wasn’t because one of us cheated or hated the other.

I know liking a reel doesn’t necessarily mean “this is exactly how she sees me,” but emotionally it hit me really hard and made me feel like maybe she sees me as someone who ruined her life or wasted her years.

Am I overthinking this because the breakup is still fresh? Or would you also take this kind of thing personally after such a long relationship?

My girlfriend of 7 years broke up with me 4 days ago and I’m struggling hard with the no contact.

We started dating when we were around 20 and we basically grew up together. It was my first real relationship and honestly she shaped a huge part of my life. We did long distance for a long time (Netherlands/Canada), travelled together, had amazing years especially in the beginning, but the last 2 years became really difficult.

There were a lot of issues:

-communication problems

-resentment from both sides

-intimacy/sex basically disappearing

-me becoming very insecure and frustrated

-me feeling lonely and disconnected in the relationship

-future plans not lining up anymore (she wants Canada/Australia, I didn’t really know what I wanted anymore)

-repeated breakup cycles in the past (mostly started by me during low points)

I also recognize I hurt her emotionally. I became overly sensitive about small things, reassurance, communication etc. and I think my insecurity slowly damaged the relationship. I’m not trying to paint myself as the victim here.

The breakup itself happened over a 1 hour phone call after not seeing each other for 5 months. It started calmly, talking about our days, then she basically said she thinks our futures don’t line up anymore and that she thinks we should end it. I accepted it pretty quickly even though it destroyed me internally. We both cried, said we still love each other, apologized for hurting each other etc.

We said no contact, but there weren’t really strict rules or agreements made around it. At the end of the call she said she still wanted me in her life and wanted to stay friends eventually. She also said maybe later in life things could work again, although we both tried to stay realistic about that.

She said I could always contact her if I needed to talk, but I kind of said no to that in the moment because I didn’t want to keep reopening things or make it harder for either of us. I basically told her that if she ever wanted to talk again someday, she could let me know and I’d call soon after.

Now I’m struggling because part of me wonders if she’s waiting for me to reach out, while another part of me thinks respecting the space is the right thing to do.

I miss her insanely. Not even necessarily because I think one text will fix the relationship, but because after 7 years the silence feels unbearable and the breakup over the phone feels unfinished to me.

But I also know:

-the relationship was unhealthy for both of us

-I was not happy a lot of the time

-she probably thought about the breakup longer than I did

contacting her might just reopen the wound for both of us

People who have been through long relationships ending: Should I respect the no contact completely and let her reach out if she ever wants to? Or is it okay at some point to send a simple message checking in?

I genuinely still love her and I don’t think either of us are bad people. That’s what makes this so hard.

Thanks for reading, i needed to let my thoughts out for a bit