u/Charlott3RandomAcc

I don't even know what to say...

Hi. I'm 15 and around 7-8 months into my transition. I've been struggling about where to go from here since I've realized that right now isn't the best time to transition, not even including the frankly stupid politics, my personal life has gone thru shit.

This was supposed to be my first summer in my transition. Something to remember for the rest of my life. Instead, I forget to eat, sleep through the whole day, feed into my addictions, and avoid the bathroom so I don't have to get dysphoria or an existential crisis the whole summer. All while my friends are living it up on beaches, sleepovers, other countries, or playing online. The closest, most supportive friends of mine are all busy studying before school starts in a couple weeks and I'm left to deal with everything basically alone outside of venting online or on discord.

In the last few months of school, I finally told my so-called "best friend" that I was trans and a girl now. He reacted kinda mixed but said that he'd be supportive, even asking questions and trying to learn more. But as the months went on, he started getting involved into more AI-bro bullshit which ended up leading him to more and more alt right anti woke nonsense. Literally 2 days after coming out to him, he asked if it was gay to like me, grabbed my ass every time I turned around, kept telling me to switch to using AI since I was struggling sooo haard with school like I'd ever. I told him to stop but every now and then he'd do it out of instinct and blame it on his ADHD and possible signs of autism.

One week into summer vacation, I told him to stop calling me bro, and start referring to me with She/They, I even recommended him to change bro to sis because that's who I am now. I'm basically his sister from another mother now lol

But something changed. A couple days later he told me that he wouldn't stop. That I am a man to him, so there was no need to change it. We had a little argument but we quickly forgot because we ended up getting side tracked about Spider-Man Brand New Day. I answered his questions and claims as calmly as a 15 year old with anger issues about to start a panic attack could. I gave him as much credible and official research papers and science as I could, and even recommended he watch JasperDasper's vid on Debunking Transphobia. He said he'll watch it but he's busy so maybe later. Every now and then I'd ask if he finished watching it but he just said no or that he's still busy

This is when he broke me:

2 days ago, out of nowhere, he messaged me. He told me to stop using :3 because it was gay. He then asked me if I was gay. I told him "yes. I'm a girl and I can like girls" since I am Pan. He asked me "But you're trans" and I told him that I was still a girl.

"No you’re not. You’re a boy that thinks you’re a girl" he replied. When I got confused he asked where he went wrong and asked me to prove it.

I told him basically everything I know,

I told him that gender and sex aren't binary, that intersex people exist and that their existence disproves the binary. I showed him the JasperDasper vid that he forgot about. I told him how Jasper literally traces all modern ideas of transphobia to under 60 people.

He told me that "transphobia is just a natural response for him (being scared of transgenderism)".

I begged him to let his AT Field (his guard and ideas about "transgenderism") and told him to please listen.

I told him we're just people. Just like him. People who just want to live their lives. That fearing and hating differences wouldn't do anything but make problems worse.

I showed him everything I had at the top of my head and he just shut up. A little later, he asked me if I was "woke" or not, and told me that "he's woke but that he's more close to the mental health front, that’s what he stood for" but that "for most other things, tradition was gooder"

And we ended up getting sidetracked again about mental health and ADHD before leaving saying he had to feed their dogs.

Yesterday, I asked if he finished watching Jasper's video. He asked me "Why? It's a conspiracy theory. That's like watching a lore view of Star Wars".

I asked him how and where he got the idea of it being a conspiracy theory. He told me he "doesn't trust how it sounds" and that he didn't even watch it in the first place. I told him that the whole Epstein bs was also a conspiracy, the only difference is that instead of pedos running the US government, it's pedos and assholes spreading anti trans propaganda worldwide

He told me that it was investigated by the FBI and I told him that they didn't and prob were never gonna do anything about it until people decided to get Trump to leak it

He told me that he wasn't going to "watch a conspiratorial video" and that I was spreading propaganda TO HIM

I asked him if he even knew anyone irl who was trans and not from bullshit right wing media

He told me that he did. He told me that his mom knew a lot of people from her work. Specifically, her manager. That he was a "transman who turned into a chick" and that it was "disturbing".

I asked him, HOW?? And just told me it was "irrelevant" and "Why change your God-assigned identity?"

THE WHIPLASH. I HAVEN'T TALKED TO HIM SINCE SUMMER STARTED AND SURE HE HAD SOME SLIGHT UNDERLYING TRANSPHOBIA BUT I THOUGHT WE WERE ALREADY PAST THIS. NOW HE JUST COMES BACK OUT OF NOWHERE AND STARTS TELLING ME HOW TO LIVE MY AND AND THAT I WAS A FAKE?? THAT I'LL NEVER BE A REAL GIRL?? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

He then starts going on and on about the same old tired fuckign statements of pure transphobia every person who has ever had to deal with it has ever heard. HE TOLD ME THAT NO MATTER HOW MANY SURGERIES, HOW MUCH I CHANGE, I'LL ONLY EVER BE A FAKE GIRL. And I disproved it. Every single one. With straight up government and medical research AGAIN. And when EVERY and I mean EVERY single point that he had, he "pulls out his last resort weapon"

"Transgenderism, medically acted upon, is an irreverent rejection of a God-given identity attribute."

I FUCKING HATE HIM I FUCKIGN ACNT WVENR AAAAAAAAKAHAKAKAKAKAFUCKUFCKUFKCSHTI

I told him that he was just enforcing his beliefs onto me, and he told me to just "stay away. Gays don't have a place here. They'd be doing their job. Which is to stay away from mainstream society."

Then he just stop me to stop embracing "the gayness" and that I was "enforcing my beliefs on him"

I replied to him "How? All I asked was for you to try to understand before making claims on people you don't know"

And he just kept going ON AND ON WITH THE RELIGIOUS BULLSHIT

"Imagine selling your soul’s salvation for a temporary wish to be a girl", "You’re not a girl", "Being gay is like killing someone. They’re Sin", "Homosexuality

- Effeminacy" WORTHLESS NONSENSE

"Have you ever looked at a woman (or man) with lust or desire" YES. THE GUY WHO COULD'VE BEEN MY BF. HE'S GAY. AND HE'S ACCEPTED BY THE CHURCH THAT HE IS A CHOIR SINGER ON.

Just more and more nonsense 🫩🫩

I asked him what about THE LITERALLY POPE WHO HELPED US TO BE ACCEPTED

"The Pope is not a real leader of Christianity because he embraced gayness. He is a man of sin"

I JUST CANT

I FUCKING CAN'T ANYMORE

I WISH NONE OF THIS EVER HAD TO HAPPEN

ALL I WANTED WAS TO BE LOVED AND HAPPY

I MEVER WANTED ANY OF THIS

I hate myself I ahte my life I hate everything about all of this

I think maybe I should just just detransition

I wouldn't have to deal with all of this

Sure I'd have an eternal hole in my heart and a life I missed out on

But at this point who even cares?? It's not like I could get out of limbo till I'm 18 and even then I'd be too broke to even have a house so why bother

Maybe I was never even supposed to live this long

Maybe I should just die already

How Do I Even Recover My Account??

My "best friend" of 3 years is a transphobe.

How to remove anti rad coating on glasses?