u/Cheap-Type2359

Did i missed a life changing chance or is it my obsession.

I was a comp science student in +2.And i chose this cause i researched a lot about it and felt technology is the next big thing.

But honestly enikk coding and computer related kaaryangalod valya interest onnum thonniyilla.

I was a good student till 10th and after corona i got fucked up my whole studying skills and i lost control overmyself and enthokkoyo kaanich 12th 88% ode pass ayi. I know it sounds good but pcm nu enikk half marks nu mukalile ollu.

I wrote keam after 12th and got 40k something rank and honestly oru question pojum njn vaayich nokkiyittilla. Ellam pure guessing aarunnu.

So after +2 engg is my choice and I was obsessed with iit nit and all. So 40k rank i considered as waste.

And managment seat enik vendaayirunnu.

So i chose repeat for jee. And joined xylem as online. The WORST mistake i have ever done. In the whole academic year ilu njn aake 4 or 5 classes maathrame kandittollu. I fooled my parents by acting like im studying and honestly enikkum padikkanam enn ond but i wasnt able.

And i was comparing myself with everyone and felt too insecure.

Jee um onnum padichilla. Got serious suicide thoughts and i know enikk athin olla courage onnum illa but ente mental state full fucked up aayi. So jee veruthe ezhuthi got 50%ile and keam register polum cheythilla.

Last aayappo enthelum padicha mathi ennayi but as i dreamed about great engg clgs njn local colleges engg padikkilla ennu orappichu. Angane Bangalore il poyi nursing eduthu.

Athum gnm. Fuck.

Ipoo 2nd year aayi total almost 1.5 years kazhinju. Still i regret not choosing engg. Eventhough enikk athra interest onnum illa oru branchil um but still i regret.

I compare myself with everyone who are studying engg.

But ippo i found out that even in private clgs also there are merit seats where the fees is lower.

Athokke orkkumbo full regret aavunnu.

I think i will commit suicide ingane poyaal. Cause maduthu. Onnum cheyyan pattunnulla. Ee comparison um regret um enne kolluvaa.

I'm done. Ennekaal kazhivu illaathavar vare ennekkal life il evde okkeyo ethi. And i'm still living like a dog.

Verum lower middle class family nna njn varunne and i'm their only hope.

10th vare i had a dream, i studied everday day and enikk ithra comparison um onnum illarunnu but ee comparison enn vanno ann njn illathe aayi.

Dont know why the fuck saying all this here, but parayaan vere aarum illa.

Veettil paranjaa ariyilla avar engane edukkm enn. Ath valya problem aavathe ollu.

I hate myslef day by day. And ella ready aavum enna orthe but nothing is gonna work

​

I was a comp science student in +2.And i chose this cause i researched a lot about it and felt technology is the next big thing.

But honestly enikk coding and computer related kaaryangalod valya interest onnum thonniyilla.

I was a good student till 10th and after corona i got fucked up my whole studying skills and i lost control overmyself and enthokkoyo kaanich 12th 88% ode pass ayi. I know it sounds good but pcm nu enikk half marks nu mukalile ollu.

I wrote keam after 12th and got 40k something rank and honestly oru question pojum njn vaayich nokkiyittilla. Ellam pure guessing aarunnu.

So after +2 engg is my choice and I was obsessed with iit nit and all. So 40k rank i considered as waste.

And managment seat enik vendaayirunnu.

So i chose repeat for jee. And joined xylem as online. The WORST mistake i have ever done. In the whole academic year ilu njn aake 4 or 5 classes maathrame kandittollu. I fooled my parents by acting like im studying and honestly enikkum padikkanam enn ond but i wasnt able.

And i was comparing myself with everyone and felt too insecure.

Jee um onnum padichilla. Got serious suicide thoughts and i know enikk athin olla courage onnum illa but ente mental state full fucked up aayi. So jee veruthe ezhuthi got 50%ile and keam register polum cheythilla.

Last aayappo enthelum padicha mathi ennayi but as i dreamed about great engg clgs njn local colleges engg padikkilla ennu orappichu. Angane Bangalore il poyi nursing eduthu.

Athum gnm. Fuck.

Ipoo 2nd year aayi total almost 1.5 years kazhinju. Still i regret not choosing engg. Eventhough enikk athra interest onnum illa oru branchil um but still i regret.

I compare myself with everyone who are studying engg.

But ippo i found out that even in private clgs also there are merit seats where the fees is lower.

Athokke orkkumbo full regret aavunnu.

I think i will commit suicide ingane poyaal. Cause maduthu. Onnum cheyyan pattunnulla. Ee comparison um regret um enne kolluvaa.

I'm done. Ennekaal kazhivu illaathavar vare ennekkal life il evde okkeyo ethi. And i'm still living like a dog.

Verum lower middle class family nna njn varunne and i'm their only hope.

10th vare i had a dream, i studied everday day and enikk ithra comparison um onnum illarunnu but ee comparison enn vanno ann njn illathe aayi.

Dont know why the fuck saying all this here, but parayaan vere aarum illa.

Veettil paranjaa ariyilla avar engane edukkm enn. Ath valya problem aavathe ollu.

I hate myslef day by day. And ella ready aavum enna orthe but nothing is gonna work

I was a comp science student in +2.And i chose this cause i researched a lot about it and felt technology is the next big thing.

But honestly enikk coding and computer related kaaryangalod valya interest onnum thonniyilla.

I was a good student till 10th and after corona i got fucked up my whole studying skills and i lost control overmyself and enthokkoyo kaanich 12th 88% ode pass ayi. I know it sounds good but pcm nu enikk half marks nu mukalile ollu.

I wrote keam after 12th and got 40k something rank and honestly oru question pojum njn vaayich nokkiyittilla. Ellam pure guessing aarunnu.

So after +2 engg is my choice and I was obsessed with iit nit and all. So 40k rank i considered as waste.

And managment seat enik vendaayirunnu.

So i chose repeat for jee. And joined xylem as online. The WORST mistake i have ever done. In the whole academic year ilu njn aake 4 or 5 classes maathrame kandittollu. I fooled my parents by acting like im studying and honestly enikkum padikkanam enn ond but i wasnt able.

And i was comparing myself with everyone and felt too insecure.

Jee um onnum padichilla. Got serious suicide thoughts and i know enikk athin olla courage onnum illa but ente mental state full fucked up aayi. So jee veruthe ezhuthi got 50%ile and keam register polum cheythilla.

Last aayappo enthelum padicha mathi ennayi but as i dreamed about great engg clgs njn local colleges engg padikkilla ennu orappichu. Angane Bangalore il poyi nursing eduthu.

Athum gnm. Fuck.

Ipoo 2nd year aayi total almost 1.5 years kazhinju. Still i regret not choosing engg. Eventhough enikk athra interest onnum illa oru branchil um but still i regret.

I compare myself with everyone who are studying engg.

But ippo i found out that even in private clgs also there are merit seats where the fees is lower.

Athokke orkkumbo full regret aavunnu.

I think i will commit suicide ingane poyaal. Cause maduthu. Onnum cheyyan pattunnulla. Ee comparison um regret um enne kolluvaa.

I'm done. Ennekaal kazhivu illaathavar vare ennekkal life il evde okkeyo ethi. And i'm still living like a dog.

Verum lower middle class family nna njn varunne and i'm their only hope.

10th vare i had a dream, i studied everday day and enikk ithra comparison um onnum illarunnu but ee comparison enn vanno ann njn illathe aayi.

Dont know why the fuck saying all this here, but parayaan vere aarum illa.

Veettil paranjaa ariyilla avar engane edukkm enn. Ath valya problem aavathe ollu.

I hate myslef day by day. And ella ready aavum enna orthe but nothing is gonna work