I don’t need a ring, but I do need clarity.
Been seeing someone for eight months. He was married for 8 years, and his ex left and eventually married someone she worked with.
I moved to his city to explore the connection, knowing full well that was risky, but wanted to see where things went.
I’m amazed at his resistance to even contemplate the future. Questions about future planning are often met with “I don’t know” or “Maybe” or “I’m not ready.” I’ve told him I’m not ready for deeper commitment right now, either, but I’m concerned there’s no real clarity on what he wants or needs in partnership. I don’t want to invest my time and energy into what feels like a pretty clear nonverbal no.
I’m feeling the urge to pull away. It’s not like I’m asking for a proposal - in fact, I don’t even want to get married. But I do date with the intention of finding a life partner and do like the idea of sharing travel and some mutual interests. He’s said he hasn’t felt the pull to really commit to anyone since his ex wife.
He’s said he struggles with basic self care and can’t really think about what he might want with a partner. I know that’s answer enough for me to choose what I do next.
I get the feeling there’s something else there for him, but it’s not my job to be his therapist. If he doesn’t want to talk about it with me or a counselor or someone else, it’s not something he wants to change. I’m having a hard time letting go completely and I don’t know what else to do other than walk away at this point.