u/Chemical-Bet9063

Hi everyone,

I’m in a morally difficult situation right now and would appreciate some Orthodox perspectives. I do plan to speak with my priest about this, but it is often hard to reach him, so I’m asking here for some provisional guidance.

A few months ago, I was hired for a small one-time digital job. It was nothing huge, just a few hours of work, and the total payment was around €120. The people who hired me were very disorganized, so I only got paid recently after waiting for months.

At the time, I asked a friend to help me with part of the work. I told him clearly that if he helped me, I would give him part of the payment. My original plan was simply to split the money fairly between us.

Now the difficulty is this: my friend is in a very unstable place spiritually and emotionally. He is something like an Orthodox inquirer, or at least interested in the faith, but he is struggling heavily with cannabis, alcohol, and especially visiting prostitutes. I do not say this to condemn him. I have also struggled with similarly serious sins in the past, and I can sympathize with him a lot. I pray for him and have tried to encourage him. But he keeps falling back into the same habits and then calling me in a very distressed state, saying he has fallen again.

He also seems emotionally unstable, and other people have noticed this too. Sometimes small things set him off very strongly. I suspect the weed is seriously damaging his mental and emotional state. He still lives with his parents, barely works, and whenever he has money, it seems to disappear into weed and prostitutes.

Now that I finally received the payment, I feel deeply conflicted. On the one hand, I told him I would pay him for helping me, and I do not want to lie, avoid him, or pretend I never got paid, which would feel dishonest and wrong.

On the other hand, I am genuinely afraid that if I give him the money, it will directly enable the same destructive habits. I do not want to feel complicit in helping him harm himself spiritually, mentally, and physically. It feels as if giving him the money might not actually be an act of kindness or honesty, but something that enables his destructive passions.

So I am stuck between two duties right now: keeping my word and paying him what I said I would pay him, versus not wanting to support his self-destructive behavior....

What would be the right Orthodox way to go about this situation?

Would it be wrong to withhold the money? Would it be better to give it to him because I promised it, and then leave the responsibility to him? Or would there be another option, such as offering to buy him groceries, pay for something necessary, or give the money in another way that does not directly become cash for drugs/prostitution? The latter option will very likely not be well received by him, however...

I’m obviously not looking for excuses to avoid paying him. I genuinely want to do the right thing before God, but I also do not want to enable sin and self-destruction!

Any advice, especially from people who have dealt with addiction, confession, spiritual fatherhood, or similar situations, would be very much appreciated!