Supporting sister
Please direct me if I am posting my question in the wrong place.
Could someone please share tips on how to offer support to my sister in UFing her apartment and car? She has struggled with it for as long as I can remember (she’s in her late 50s). There’s no need to go into a lengthy description. She’s recently shared that an ex told her he couldn’t go to her place anymore (cat urine smell and squalor) and that is why he ended the relationship. Her car is the same way.
Her grooming is immaculate. Friends and coworkers would be shocked to see her living space. She works remote and is required to be on camera. She’s told me she is worried the mess behind her will show even with the Teams backgrounds.
She says she has a goal of cleaning her apartment and keeping it that way. She says she knows the way she lives prevents her from having close relationships both romantically and with friends. We’ve had long discussions about it. It reminds me of the conversations I’ve had with alcoholics when it comes to getting sober. “Next weekend I’m going to clean it all up…”
Over the last 30 years I have tried different approaches-I’ve ignored it, addressed it head on, and had heart felt conversations. We’ve talked about if it is related to depression. She says her place stays the same regardless of her present outlook.
She recently got a cochlear implant and is excited to be able to participate in more social activities. I know there is the dynamic of the older sister (me) being controlling. However, it’s beyond that-I want her to have pride in her home and to feel like she can have people over.
Do I just say it’s her choice and her life?
Thank you for any insight on what has helped you feel supported by friends and family.