u/ChopinSatieSchubert

I thought one of my gestrois gave birth because there were white wriggly things coming out of it.

It turns out it died and those were springtails snacking on it )))))):

Context: Nalaman ko recently na WLW yung crush ko. Naging kaklase ko siya sa PE two years ago and partner ko siya sa sayaw. Crush na crush ko siya nun and medyo nahihiya ako makipag-usap sa kanya kahit ang bait and friendly niya.

Problem/Goal: Ngayon, di ko alam paano siya iaapproach. I kinda wanna ask her out and/or be friends with her. Hindi na kami magkaklase and I don't think magiging magkaklase ulit kami since we are in different programs and patapos na rin kami.

Friends kami sa FB pero we don't really interact. Parang nakakahiya magmessage out of the blue. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable/pressured.

Help, girlies, paano ba ito?

Like, Tina is socially awkward and too sexually charged but she's a genuinely caring older sister. Gene is unclean but he's passionate about music. Louise can be a bit "evil" but she's creative and actually kinda smart. Teddy talks too much but he is genuinely friendly towards everyone. Zeke is rough around the edges but he is a good friend. Hugo is still hung up on Linda but he takes his job seriously (except for that first episode where he shuts down a restaurant for selfish reasons).

Everyone is made fun of, equally, but the show also demonstrates their good qualities well.

So, last night, I bought 4 pieces of quetiapine 100 mg. I am supposed to take 1/2 of this every night. I am also supposed to take 2 pieces of lamotrigine 50 mg. Both my quetiapine and lamotrigine are yellow. Today, I looked at my meds and I noticed I only had one piece of the quetiapine, and one half piece in my pill splitter.

I slept for around 17 hours. WTF.

I am diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. My current psychiatrist and psychotherapist, I think, are really, really good, but I have not mentioned my suspicions about NPD yet.

I have been thinking I may have NPD (or maybe BPD) for a really, really long time, but I guess I have always focused more on the schizoaffective part because that's the part that has been making life unbearable for the most part.

Now that my schizoaffective symptoms have lessened thanks to medication, I am thinking now that I should address my narcissistic tendencies.

I ruined so many friendships because of my selfishness and lack of empathy (not always, but most of the time). Those former friends were very understanding of my emotional and psychotic episodes, but they left after I had disrespected their boundaries and/or constantly wallowed in self-pity while they were having a tough time themselves.

In fact, most of my current friends have been gotten through self-pity and inappropriate vulnerability.

My college best friend? We became close because I sent a Facebook message, out of the blue, about being lonely in university.

My pen pal? She was my physics professor and I sent her an emotional email, again, out of the blue, telling her I almost killed myself that night. She replied that she liked my writing and encouraged me to write to her more. We have exchanged around 200 emails. She left my university because the president of my country assigned her to a high government position. She has invited me out for lunch near her new workplace many times. I feel good being validated by someone as famous and intelligent as she is.

Let me talk about one more friend. I met her at a random tour. I also became close with her because, similar to the other cases, I sent her Instagram messages about how sad I was about my mental state. This one is a model and scientist, and she is rich as hell. Again, I feel good being liked by such an upstanding person.

I am physically attracted to all of them, and I have been much nicer to them than to my other friends, most of whom have left me now.

They are all very good people. They are the kind of people that try to see the best in everyone. They tell me how smart and special I am, usually after I degrade myself.

Their partners, though, seem to hate my guts. I noticed my professor's husband make an annoyed face when I joked about dying. My college best friend's girlfriend has stopped wanting to hang out with me. My model friend's ex-girlfriend/current best friend has always been nice to me, but I feel like she doesn't like me and maybe she only hangs out with me to appease my friend.

My former friends?

My high school best friend is the sweetest guy one would ever meet. We fought in high school over a girl, because my ex fling had a crush on him (after I and the girl broke up). I refused to speak to him even though we were seatmates in class. By the end of the year, he approached me and said sorry and we became friends again.

I mistreated him over the years so many times, but he always came back and usually apologised. After one last disrespectful action of mine, he kept leaving me on read.

Another high school friend of mine said I was the best friend she'd ever had. She stopped talking to me before college because I constantly messaged and called her during the summer because of how depressed I was and I needed her to "save" me. She texted me one last time during my freshman year in university. *'You only think about yourself.'*

The first (and only) girlfriend in university was really caring. I didn't like her. I just wanted to have sex. I told her I loved her just to keep her around. Oh god, I was so terrible to her. I kept asking her to kill me.

The list goes on and on and on and on.

This is the cherry on top:

What is the main reason I want to fix my [suspected] narcissism?

It's because I don't want to look bad.

(I do feel love and empathy, though. I love my siblings very much. I am not sadistic nor cruel, or maybe I just don't see it. I also appreciate my friends. At least, right now, I do.)

I am going to show my psychotherapist this post...

My experience w Temu clothes is:

- The shirts and the jackets suck... The material is just too thin. I usually just wear them when I'm at home lol.

- The pants are actually good for the price! They're my go-to pants. They're comfy and they look okay. They're too long for me, though, (I'm 5'2, and my waist is >40in) so I pay someone to cut them for me.

A pair of khaki pants that I ordered last year are still going strong. It cost me 272 PHP (less than 5 USD) after vouchers.

The only problem I have with dark-coloured pants, though, is that the colours fade at the thighs easily.

I have less than five panda kings. I have them in a separate enclosure but I'm worried it may not be okay to have so few of them (should I be?). My niece has lots of mandarins tho, and they're in a big enclosure. Can I just place my panda kings in her enclosure?