u/CindyLou-1978

I found out my husband wasn’t taking to me about anything because he was taking to a woman he dated right before he started dating me.For the past 10years while I was begging him to open up and tell me what was wrong he was telling her all about our relationship problems and telling her he loved her even though he was not going to have a relationship with her. compliment.her on her insight and perspective on our relationship and my behavior.Going as far as to say I was with him just to see what I could get out of him. Yes that’s why I have taken care of care of his mother with dementia and taken her abuse so I could get something out of him. I couldn’t even talk I didn’t blow up or get mad but I felt like my heart just got ripped out of my chest. I’m sorry I have to come back.It really hurts!

I just need to talk.Well it’s actually happening,my husband called a lawyer today and said he is filing for a divorce.He also got his first taste of how difficult his mother is . I was too hot for her to go outside today and she refused to listen.He tried talking to her and she proceeded to walk out the door and to the gate. He told her to go back in the house and she tried pushing him aside and when he wouldn’t let her by she pushed and shoved him and then threw herself onto the ground and screamed help help me call the police someone help me. What was he supposed to do.So as always he just let her go. Now 29 years together has been destroyed in four years of her coming to our home. I’m sad confused angry and frustrated but also relieved my job is done. I am going to miss my husband so much. I am still in love with him even after the calling me a liar,telling me that I’m to sensitive.He even locked up her jewelry because he doesn’t trust me because of what is happening between us. He is showing signs of dementia himself and I know I am a horrible person but with his anger issues I think it’s time to get out.Being alone is scary for me because I haven’t even been alone before. I was married right out of high school.And married two more times.We were good before she moved in but I am done now and a little relieved to be honest.Now I’m talking that train trip.Then I’m going to fly back for my dog!Thanks for all of your support and information and putting up with my long post.I appreciate you all.Take care and stay safe and hope you all find the peace you deserve.

Can someone please explain the stages to me. I have researched it but it wasn’t clear enough to me.I would be very grateful. Thanks

I am so embarrassed about my complaints about my mother In law and her behavior.
I have learned so much from this site and have been able to learn how to handle things in a way that doesn’t make her feel bad about herself.
I’m exhausted and struggle with my own mental health at this time.Losing weight and my hair has been falling out.
My husband has steeped up some but doesn’t seem to realize we are responsible for her health and safety.
She likes to be useful and it’s hard to find things that she can handle.She’s 98 years old.She is very healthy but her balance isn’t good and when I try to give her small things to do ,she doesn’t want to really want to do anything.
She just wants to be driven around in the car.We have a house to keep up with and are not able to get out all the time.
My husband takes her with him when he runs errands and goes bowling.A couple of minutes after she gets home she’s asking are we going anywhere today. I don’t know how to handle that.
She likes to go for walks and we can’t always go when she wants us to because she asked us every few minutes.Sometimes it gets to 110 degrees outside and she doesn’t listen to anything we tell or ask her to do or not do.She doesn’t usually leave our street but has tried to get into the wrong house.
My schedule is very demanding she eats every hour and a half meals and snacks.I’ve had to find creative ways of hydrating her because she won’t drink water.She’s getting to where she doesn’t want fruit or nuts or anything but sweets.She’s getting harder to handle and calls my snacks crap. lol.
My husband is very good at not hearing a lot of things going on right in front of him.Which leaves me feeling pressured to be the enforcer of doing the right things. I’m afraid that something might happen and we will be held accountable because we know she has dementia and it’s getting worse.I’m about to break because we were fighting so bad he threatened to divorce me because of it .
He said he takes it from her and his brother and can’t take anything more from me.So I’m now on medication to help keep me from exploding because I can’t talk to him about any of this stuff going on.
I can’t take much more so I’m thinking about it divorce myself.He says he can’t do this without me,but doesn’t get involved with taking any of my interactions with her.
I think at the least I need to take a break and let him realize what I do on a daily basis.Now that I know the right things to do. I’m putting more pressure on myself and with only my sister to talk to it is almost unbearable at least I don’t feel crazy anymore because she took care of our mother who had dementia plus 30 patients on a ward.
I’m feeling guilty about taking some time off and going away. I have planned a little train trip to 2 or 3 places about 2 or 3 weeks.Do you think I’m being selfish it’s been 4 and a half years and he only started helping out the past few months.Frustrated and over worked.Please help me.