u/Clair_Obscur33

Hello I’ll try to keep this short but I don’t know what sub to post this too. I had an abortion last year and the pregnancy experience was traumatic. I was bedridden from the pain, I went into rage/psychosis, and was in the hospital vomiting nonstop. Bear in mind I was only 4 weeks along having all of these symptoms. Once I took the abortion pills, I immediately got even worse rage and felt suicidal, to the point where I would call hotlines.

My partner, who was completely supportive, was the one i felt most rage to. He was driving me hours and hours to get my pills and comforting me the whole time and all I felt for him was hatred. We recently broke up because the experience made me realize i would die if i ever tried to do that again, and he needs biological kids.

The breakup just brought all of this trauma back to life for me and I can’t cope. I do not have access to therapy. I am still left with all of the trauma like it just happened, and knowing I lost someone I love because of it makes me feel worthless. I don’t regret my abortion at all, in fact I even grew a hatred for the fetus because of everything i was experiencing.

Someone please give advice, anything helps.

I’ll try not to make this long. I had a traumatic pregnancy experience a year ago. I was 4 weeks pregnant (learned I was pregnant at 3.5 weeks) and had severe nausea, vomiting, and pain. I spent a lot of it at the hospital vomitting nonstop and the doctors couldn’t really do anything but give me fluids while I vomitted profusely.

On top of that, my breasts were so sore and sensitive that I was bedridden, i couldn’t move much and showering was extremely painful. Now for the WORST part… I went into severe psychosis. I felt nothing but rage and anxiety. My partner, who was great and caring throughout this whole process, absolutely enraged me for no reason. While he was driving me 3 hours to and back for the abortion all I could think of was how much i hated him.

After the abortion my psychosis got worse, I became extremely suicidal and did nothing but break down. I missed all my classes and couldn’t eat. I would not have survived if I continued that pregnancy.

Fast forward my boyfriend and I broke up because he wants biological kids. I am left with PTSD and heartbreak, and I feel like a biological failure. I have no access to a therapist and I don’t know what to do.

Please help. anyone.

I always wanted to wait until I was married to have sex. I knew I was a highly attached person and didn’t want to risk sleeping with the wrong person and feeling that pool of emptiness. Until I met my ex, he was gentle, loving, everything I have ever wanted in a partner. I’ve never met someone so romantic, we would spend every day together and he would always look at me with so much love and admiration.

I decided that this was the man I wanted to be my future husband, and we made love…. a lot. Through our sex I became even more attached to him, there were countless times where I would tear up during the act because I was so emotional. It felt like we were one person and he truly loved and respected my body.

Now that we are over, I can’t help but feel dirty. I don’t want any man to ever touch my body again, I am left with the memories of our love making and it’s brutal. The thought of ever sharing my body with someone else makes me physically nauseous, and I hate that he doesnt feel the same. I regret it so much, I wish I stuck to my guns and waited until I was a wife to share that experience.