u/Classic-Dog-9518

Hi, I’m a 24M sharing this because I’d like some advice for my sister (27F).

She and her boyfriend (29M) have been together for over 6 years. They met in their dorm at university, and she moved into his place shortly before COVID ended. For the most part they live alone, except when his family visits. He has a good job in IT and works from home most days. My sister, on the other hand, has spent the last four summers doing seasonal jobs abroad after university, but she is now applying for jobs in her field in her boyfriend’s town.

Their relationship was never flawless. From my perspective, neither of them seems very emotionally mature. They don’t really communicate about problems like adults, take initiative to work through issues, or seem to have a clear ambition to build a life together. They had a rough period last year where they almost broke up, and during that time both of them were texting other people, although as far as I know there was no physical cheating.

I convinced my sister to see my therapist, and after some time she decided to give the relationship another chance and try to fix things. I don’t know the full details of their relationship since I live abroad and only see them together maybe once a year.

About half a year ago they visited me and stayed at my place for a week. They argued several times, and their conversations often felt more like competitions about “winning” the argument rather than resolving the issue. At the same time, I could still see affection between them. Some days were filled with cold tension, while on others we had genuinely great laughs together. I still think my sister’s boyfriend is intelligent, well-behaved, and capable of being affectionate and romantic when he puts in the effort.

Recently, though, my sister found out that he has again been messaging someone else. I can’t completely defend her either since she did something similar a couple of years ago. Now she’s once again questioning whether this relationship is going anywhere, especially since this seems to be a repeating cycle. He apologized and sent her long messages promising to change, but personally I don’t think people change just because they say they will.

My sister’s situation is also difficult practically. Her field of work doesn’t allow remote work, and she can’t fully commit to interviewing for jobs if she isn’t even sure whether she’ll stay in that town. She also definitely doesn’t want to move back home because we come from a very small place with basically zero job opportunities for her. On top of that, she lost contact with many of her old friends because of the distance, so rebuilding a social life there would be hard as well.

Moving somewhere alone would also be difficult for her, both financially and because she’s not a very independent person.

It’s hard for me to give advice because I don’t know every detail of their relationship, and I also understand the difficult position she’s in. I suggested couples counseling or maybe reading books together that could help them work on communication and trust.

I know most people on Reddit will probably immediately say they should break up, but I wanted to ask whether anyone thinks this relationship could realistically still be fixed.

Hi, 25M here. I’ve tried multiple times to fully quit fapping, but my longest streak has been around 10 days.

This time, I’m taking a different approach. I’m not stopping myself from masturbating, but I’m not allowing myself to watch porn while doing it. The idea is to break the connection between arousal and porn, and to be able to rely on my own imagination instead.

I kind of see it like becoming vegetarian before going fully vegan.

Has anyone tried this approach before? Does it work?

Also, for those who still masturbate without porn—what do you think about? I’m not in a relationship right now, so imagining random, non-existent people feels a bit weird. Imagining people I go on dates with also feels strange, and thinking about exes seems like it could create an unhealthy mental connection.

I (25M) moved 2 years ago to the city where I live now, where I met a girl at my uni. We used to casually hang out, but mostly in group scenarios, and we would rarely separate for 1on1s outside the group. I kinda liked her at that time, but I was in another relationship, so I did not really give it much thought.

Over the summer, I was gone for 3 months and we stopped hanging out until a couple of months ago, when we saw each other at the airport boarding different flights at the same time. We talked briefly and said to meet again. I texted her after a month to grab a coffee, but it wasn't a date since the "purpose" of the coffee was for me to get traveling tips for a place she was really familiar with. The coffee went well, we talked about many other topics and walked home the same way. She even walked 20 minutes extra in the wrong direction in order not to interrupt the conversation.

I invited her to a party that was happening the day after, and she agreed to come. She met most of my new friends and I think she had a nice time. We realized that we have been going to the same gym but never saw each other, so we also went to the gym together once.

I thought I picked up some signs here and there and asked my friends opinion on it, and they agreed that I should ask her out, so I did. I invited her to a chill park/picnic date, but I got an answer that she had fun spending time with me, but she is currently not dating because she is focusing on work and simply does not have the energy. However, she said she would be happy to hang out casually sometime.

I do not want to be delusional and spend time with someone that I might catch feelings for if they are not interested in me in that way, but at the same time I cannot help but be hopeful that this might not have been a no. I would feel weird to suggest a casual hang out after this so should I just cut contact and avoid hurting myself and wasting time, because from past experiences I really don't think we could be actual friends?