u/CobaltOmega679

Want to get people's thoughts here as I contemplate boomeranging to KPMG for the second time. I left KPMG for the first time about 5 years ago which in hindsight I realize was on a whim and ultimately a mistake. I was grateful to have been provided a second chance then. I left again about two years ago to join the exact same line of work at EY which at the time I think it was a more calculated move.

-Title bump from SA to M
-Much better pay
-Business at KPMG didn't look too well (got assigned to all sorts of random engagements)

Why I'm debating leaving EY now:

-Bad culture
-Too much admin work and not developing skills that would help sell work
-Salary stagnation
-Fully remote (hot take here but I genuinely miss working in-person)
-High turnover (even other Ms keep leaving)

Apologies for (another) rant here but I feel like I'm truly at the end of my rope here. It is the summer holiday week in the US and I've been up past 9pm every day so far this week because of client wanting a deliverable early next week. Mind you, I've worked through the winter holiday and most federal holidays this past year as well. I've received only Exceeds Expectations this year in my LEAD feedbacks but I know those mean nothing and I will receive an NTP as I will explain below.

Without doxxing myself, I am M in advisory working on pretty short-term engagements (3-6 weeks) for often multiple clients at once. I work for two SMs, both of whom having been here since they were interns which I now consider a red flag. They are quick to criticize every little thing I don't do right or simply not to their liking which I find to be terrible managerial practice. I've worked for 5 different companies in my life and know that negative feedback should always be mixed with positive. If you only point out what your employees do wrong, it wrecks their self-confidence which only result in more mistakes. Even when I do things right, they more often than not shift the goalpost by introducing new rules or methodologies that was never brought up before, all to make me look incompetent. Lastly there's also what I believe to be misallocation of our energy. At the end of our engagements, we're expected to provide a report to our clients detailing the work we had performed for them; the SMs are so peculiar in having them done the "right" way that they'll even re-write the whole thing even after instructing me to use the prior report as a template. I have colleagues who have worked on the client side of our business and they've all told me they don't read these reports we deliver; they just need it on hand.

I don't feel like I'm asking for much: just an ounce of sympathy for the people sacrificing what should be time off to meet clients' deadlines when they don't always do things the right or "your" way, adding positive reinforcement to constructive criticism and some humility to acknowledge the inconsistencies in the expectation you've laid out.

She never commends the things I do right but will jump at every opportunity to point out the things I did wrong, calling it "constructive criticism" while belittling me like I'm some bumbling buffoon. Fuck off. It's not "constructive" if you're focusing on only the negative aspects. She makes me feel I can't do anything right and it's making me lose motivation to do anything at all. I already get yelled at everyday at my job. I don't need more yelling after that. All the while she is constantly praises herself for being so smart on ways to save money which I agree with but it's just really off-putting how she never even acknowledges anything right I've done. Meanwhile I don't yell at her for making mistakes. I don't call her a fucking moron when she bought the wrong groceries or spills something over the counter. People make mistakes. That's not an invitation to make collage of said mistakes and constantly hold it over their heads.

She also never appreciates what we have built together. We have a brand new construction house in one of the wealthiest zip codes across the country. We are also the poorest in this community given that we opted for the smallest model and the fewest upgrades but I don't give a shit about that. She will not stop reminding me how she wishes we went for the bigger model instead. I don't give a shit. I am literally just trying to keep my head above water everyday between work and house chores everyday and she will not stop telling me what more I can do. She tells me I should more of my free time researching stocks; yeah because that's what I want to do after 8-10+ hours a day looking at numbers on a spreadsheet: more numbers on a spreadsheet. Also I've seen her stock portfolio and it doesn't even beat the S&P 500. It's clear to me she has the classic boomer mentality that anything is possible through sheer grit and determination all while having zero empathy. Like I'm sorry that I spend more free time, exercising, hiking or playing games instead of figuring out how we can buy an even bigger house. Heaven forbid I try to take care of myself physically and mentally so that I can be a better husband.

The tipping point for me came recently when I was preparing dinner as she was coming home from work. I was still busy working but did my best to cook dinner and ended up setting off the fire alarm. Yes it was my mistake but I didn't need more yelling and insults. You don't think I was embarrassed at myself as is? Also, the mortgage on this house ain't cheap and we need my income to support it (who would've thought high-paying jobs tend to involve long and stressful hours) even though I hate this job. It's also worth noting that I am very health conscious and despite that, I've had high cholesterol starting the year we met and it's been increasing since. I've stressed to her multiple times how important it is for me to meal prep and eat healthier but she never wants me to, calling me selfish for making meals only I enjoy and not her. Mind you, high cholesterol can also be due to stress and I've had no shortage of that lately. So now in order to even stay alive, I am expected to prepare separate meals for myself and her all while working at this stressful job that I despise.

I don't want to haven't give up the life we've built together but I feel like it doesn't mean so much to her. I also know she is stubborn and very direct so I'm not sure she'd even budge from marriage counseling. Honestly just not sure what to do here. I truly believed she was the one.