u/Comfortable-Ebb6719

So I have a small and flat butt, which i've tried to activate for a year now. And i've manage to get activation using thera bands and body weight exercises, but now that i'm trying to grow it with weighted exercises i can feel my thighs and lower back doing all the work.

I always start lifting with first doing activating exercises to get the hang of it, but when i move to weighted hip thrust and squats, i can't feel them in my butt at all, just everywhere else.

What to do?

So my LEAST maladaptive coping mechanism is just to lay in my bed in a dark room witn no contacts to anyone for 1-2 weeks, kinda to reset.

However I can't do that right now, but i'm constantly on the edge, constantly having mini breakdowns and i can sense a bigger break-down coming soon and those usually lead to hospitalization and some kind of physical harm

How tf do i get through this. I just can't with reality and people and the world right now. I just cannot. How do people live, it's just too much for me to do even the bare minimum?

Yeah so i think he jerks off next to me in the mornings, but also sometimes on top of me and i think he may have cummed on top of me several times (maybe even on my face)

REEAALLY NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THAT, but i don't know how to bring this up cause i'm not 100% sure if this has really happened since i have an issue with sometimes mixing dreams with reality, but this feeling of this happening has occured so many times so i don't think it's just dreams.

I've never seen anything, but heard noise and i have this 'sense' of it happening, but i'm like 90% asleep so i can't even ask him to stop even if i wanted to. I suffer from severe insomnia and have to take a bunch of meds to fall asleep and this makes me pretty sedated in the mornings and it's very hard for me to wake up in general

Kinda makes me paranoid on what would happen if something happened to me and i were really unconscious? Or what if i ask him to stop this behavior and he continues? Or denies even doing it? It's really making me uncomfortable

Like i get he's horny in the mornings but he doesn't have to cum on face without permission w hile i'm asleep ffs!

I've thought for a very long time that I must be a an alto because of my very low range G2-G5 and ability to sing In a quite powerful manner In the B2-D4 range, but the more i experiment with my middle to upper-middle range and the more I try to let go of my own expectations of having a full and dark voice, i find that easiest and most effortless tone is quite bright and lacks any earthy smokey qualities (but i'm no expert on tone or anything singing related for that matter) and maybe i could be a very very underdeveloped soprano instead? And i know it shouldn't matter and i should not focus on voice type especially since when i'm a beginner, but its making me a bit confused as i'm used to thinking alto=very low soprano=very high