u/Comfortable-Jelly824

i’ve been with him for so long but lately there’s no sexual chemistry and there hasn’t been for awhile. we hold hands, cuddle, kiss, all the things and i love it but i don’t find myself wanting to be intimate with him anymore and i feel so bad about it. i love this man to death, but lately i feel bored? he’s always sucked into his video games, shows, or scrolling on his phone and that doesn’t turn me on. often times he’ll insinuate being in the mood, but then we get home and he immediately goes to sleep. or he’ll try flirting with me while also being on his game and it just feels so…. idk it’s just not doing it for me. i guess a lot of times i just don’t feel like a priority and i don’t feel desired. he doesn’t understand me emotionally a lot of times either which adds to that unattraction.

i am so afraid to give up, but at the same time i constantly have this thought that maybe it would be better to separate and do our own things and see if maybe something brings us back together with more passion if it’s truly meant to be. but that sounds stupid and feels like giving up. i just don’t know how to have this conversation, i don’t want to hurt his feelings but i know he notices that i haven’t been very sexual recently. we haven’t had sex since january and even then it felt more like a chore because i just was not turned on. i just feel so bad. i love being with him and we have been through so much together, but i feel so lost. i just want to feel valued; he’s made it clear that he wants to be with me but it feels more like he just wants to keep me away from other people considering i do not see an effort on his part to repair this connection. i suggest dates, i emphasize spending quality time together (not just hanging out while he plays games), but i never really get much out of him. it’d just be nice to feel like im not the only one trying to make this work. /:

i’ve considered maybe he’s exhausted from working, but i work just as much. maybe he’s depressed? maybe he’s distracted? i just don’t know lol.

has anyone else been in this situation? what did you do? what would you do? how would you want your partner to navigate this? is this just a dead end? :/

hiiii everyone, i’ve been doing a really good job of not doing drugs but i relapsed last night and i feel awful. it was a horrible time and it wasn’t worth it and i feel so pathetic. im just looking for kind words to help me feel a little better. i know healing isn’t linear and sometimes we make mistakes but i feel so disgusting inside about myself. i haven’t slept and i have to work in two hours, and all i can think is how nasty i feel and how bad it’s going to feel opening up to my partner about this. i have got to stop surrounding myself with people who have coke, i know they’re my friends and all but it’s not good for me to be around. i can’t be trusted to go out and not relapse without my partner there to keep me grounded. i hate that i can’t just do it myself.

i love my man with all my heart but the way our brains clash and don’t understand each other is so frustrating. We’ve been together for 6 years and I have done so much work on myself and become a better more self aware human being to ensure I can make this last but he’s unmedicated and I hate the way his ADHD habits make me feel. I read that these two traits are terrible to pair in a relationship but I am determined to make it work. But somedays, I just wonder if it’ll ever really work. I’m constantly questioning if he actually loves me. He can go all day not talking to me or even asking how I’m doing. I have expressed that I just need reassurance but he still goes MIA all the time and it makes me feel like I am not even on his mind. I just want to feel appreciated too. I’ve done so much work on myself to be better for him, to not lash out, to think before I speak, but he hasn’t done anything on his end. Maybe I’m tripping, but I think I deserve the same effort. It’s not that hard to pick up the phone and send a quick text just letting me know you’re going to be busy and maybe include that you’re thinking of me. Just communication, man. I’ve worked so hard. I understand ADHD is hard, I understand without medication it’s even harder. I don’t want to judge him or make him feel bad for his disorder because I don’t want anyone doing that with me, but it makes me feel so small. Maybe it really is that hard for someone with ADHD to send a quick text? I don’t know. I don’t know how to make it better. We have had the conversations and I can’t do the work for him. I just want us to be happy together. :(