u/Commando_Joe

She was the sweetest girl, and I feel like sharing her with more people. I took so many photos and it still feels like it's not enough. I know things will start to feel less raw as time goes on but right now it's just me and my void and everything feels empty in our house.

She isn't my first cat. She's not my only. But she is special. I've had her for 15 years, and ever since the first year I had her it was a fight for me and a fight for her.

When I brought her home as a baby during my second year of college she ended up getting an internal infection from complications due to her spay, they think. I was told more than once by different vets to consider euthanizing her. I still remember how angry and sad and scared I was being told that by a doctor about a tiny little creature I was supposed to take care of. I told them they were wrong, and with help from my best friend we kept her alive with bottle feeding and medicine and vitamins.

After two months of bottle feeding she was eating on her own and actually had an aggressive appetite for a while, requiring her to go on a diet when she started to get too chunky.

After that, she had started to get a head tilt, and regularly needed anti-biotics. After a few years one of the vets finally noticed she had a mass in her ear, which was causing her to frequently tilt her head and get infections. A polyp. So I saved up some money, and eventually we got the surgery done. It caused her to have a permanent dilation in one of her eyes, and occasionally head tilt even after the removal.

We also then had to deal with regular rashes she would get. Trying to determine what it was we put her on all kinds of different foods, as the vets thought it was diet at first. There was a lot of expensive hypoallergenic foods (mostly from Royal Canin), but none of them really seemed to work. And I eventually figured out through process of elimination that she had a chicken allergy. It seemed like everything was going well.

Then earlier this month she stopped eating dry food. so we switched her to wet food, and that lasted a few days. Eventually she stopped with wet food, so I scheduled a vet appointment but as they were booked it was not immediately available and we'd have to wait a week.

She kept eating the Churu tubes treats, so I stuck to that and she was still drinking water so that seemed good.

Eventually she also stopped eating churus or drinking water and that was an immediate red flag so I took her to the emergency vet where they did blood work and perscribed appetite stimulants, pain killers and anti-nausea. That night and the next morning her appetite was back but she still wasn't drinking. The vet called and said the results were very concerning for her kidneys and white blood cell count, so we went to another, bigger emegerncy vet and they kept her over night on fluids. Gave her more meds, scheduled an ultra sound.

Things were better that night and the next morning. Then this morning they called me and said her levels were going back up, so I told them to do an x-ray. It turns out one of her kidneys is very small compared to the other, and the remaining has a blockage that is most likely a stone. They started her on medicine to break down the stone.

They said if she doesn't respond to the medicine in the next couple of days that's probably the point we should say good bye.

I feel sad, and numb, and angry all at the same time.

I'm sad that my girl is spending her last days in a strange place, with people poking her full of things, and not at home with me. But I know it's her best chance even if it's a small one.

I feel numb because even when they give me good news it always feels like it's just bad news waiting to happen.

I feel angry that I didn't know sooner. That I was waiting to see if she was just being fussy. That I didn't rush her to an emergency vet when the normal vet told me I had to wait.

I love my little girl. She is the sweetest cat. She just wants to be pet, and sit on your lap, and be warm, and get attention. She has helped me so much, she has kept my senior boy cat active, and helped him know when it's time to find food.

They're both bonded, and they're both my best friends.

I need to either take her home or be able to say good bye. That's all I want.