u/Common_Orange5073

Hi there, I've been with my partner for 10 years (f30, m36) and we have a 2yo son. I have struggled with anxiety about my relationship for a very long time. I went to therapy and am on SSRIs. There was a year or so when everything felt good and we had a baby. I went off meds and stopped therapy.

But I'm struggling again. Any sign of conflict with him I panic and cannot function, eat etc. I cannot tell if this is bc we are just incompatible or its anxiety driving me. Some examples:

• with our son in a restaurant and he has a meltdown. Partner says 'no no, stop' (not loudly or shouting, but visibly annoyed) and I disagree with this, as my son cant help meltdowns. I want a kinder approach.

• I take a wrong turn and partner is like 'what are you doing?' in an annoyed and patronising tone.

• he said he would buy something for his dad when he went away for work that you can get in that country (think candy) but didnt because he could only find it at the airport and it prob would cost the same just going to a special shop in the UK. If that were me I would've bought it anyway. I suggested just buying some in the UK and he looked annoyed like I was judging him

• makes comments about our son never giving him affection (he does but it is less bc he is very attached to me)

I think a lot of this comes down to my worry that I want someone a bit kinder or thoughtful. But then he does things like take our son for a morning, who he loves. When there is no conflict, I'm almost anticipating it or hyper analysing his behaviour and words. He ends up defensive and has told me he feels like hes not good enough for me when I raise things like he's not compassionate enough or I get upset by his tone.

The panic comes from me feeling annoyed, then feeling like I cant say anything, feeling shame about it all, spiralling thinking we aren't compatible then guilty for having the panic attack. It's hard for me to break the cycle and I dont know if its me, or us. I also dont want to end things lightly, because of our kid.

Sorry for the ramble but any advice, perspective is welcome. I am back meds and therapy. My partner is also in therapy and says he has anxious attachment according to the therapist.

Hi there, I've been with my partner for 10 years (f30, m36) and we have a 2yo son. I have struggled with anxiety about my relationship for a very long time. I went to therapy and am on SSRIs. There was a year or so when everything felt good and we had a baby. I went off meds and stopped therapy.

But I'm struggling again. Any sign of conflict with him I panic and cannot function, eat etc. I cannot tell if this is bc we are just incompatible or its anxiety driving me. Some examples:

• with our son in a restaurant and he has a meltdown. Partner says 'no no, stop' (not loudly or shouting, but visibly annoyed) and I disagree with this, as my son cant help meltdowns. I want a kinder approach.
• I take a wrong turn and partner is like 'what are you doing?' in an annoyed and patronising tone.
• he said he would buy something for his dad when he went away for work that you can get in that country (think candy) but didnt because he could only find it at the airport and it prob would cost the same just going to a special shop in the UK. If that were me I would've bought it anyway. I suggested just buying some in the UK and he looked annoyed like I was judging him
• makes comments about our son never giving him affection (he does but it is less bc he is very attached to me)

I think a lot of this comes down to my worry that I want someone a bit kinder or thoughtful. But then he does things like take our son for a morning, who he loves. When there is no conflict, I'm almost anticipating it or hyper analysing his behaviour and words. He ends up defensive and has told me he feels like hes not good enough for me when I raise things like he's not compassionate enough or I get upset by his tone.

The panic comes from me feeling annoyed, then feeling like I cant say anything, feeling shame about it all, spiralling thinking we aren't compatible then guilty for having the panic attack. It's hard for me to break the cycle and I dont know if its me, or us. I also dont want to end things lightly, because of our kid.

Sorry for the ramble but any advice, perspective is welcome. I am back meds and therapy. My partner is also in therapy and says he has anxious attachment according to the therapist.