u/Competitive-Pen1489

She is draining me with if I love I would. Little did she know, I was ready to give the world to her. When I set boundaries after enduring disrespect for six months, she blamed me. She said the man she loved once in me was gone. And everything becomes my fault. Juz like girls want reassurance I want it too and respect. I am tired of being blamed for changing which was the result of her failing to see me trying to communicate what hurt me only to get thrown away with "Go find another girl.", "You loved me first. This is who she is" or "You can leave if you can't tolerate me". I am full of frustrations, resentments and making mistakes in the process, ignoring fights, failing to call late at night and blaming her whenever we fight. I once was a man who got easily shaken up when I saw her tears. Now I couldn't care less anymore. I am hurt and become selfish. She said the 1st 6 months was the best version of me that loved her unconditionally but I was suffering during that 6 months period. Now everything is my fault. I want to be understood that I was hurt as well.

She(21 F) is draining me with if I(23 M) love I would. Little did she know, I was ready to give the world to her. When I set boundaries after enduring disrespect for six months, she blamed me. She said the man she loved once in me was gone. And everything becomes my fault. Juz like girls want reassurance I want it too and respect. I am tired of being blamed for changing which was the result of her failing to see me trying to communicate what hurt me only to get thrown away with "Go find another girl.", "You loved me first. This is who she is" or "Break up if you can't tolerate me". I am full of frustrations, resentments and making mistakes in the process, ignoring fights, failing to call late at night and blaming her whenever we fight. I once was a man who got easily shaken up when I saw her tears. Now I couldn't care less anymore. I am hurt and become selfish. She said the 1st 6 months was the best version of me that loved her unconditionally but I was suffering during that 6 months period. Now everything is my fault. I want to be understood that I was hurt as well.

This post is more like opening up about my problems. I miss myself being gentle and loving unconditionally. A lot of disappointments and disrespects and efforts are unseen. I told her things I didn't like only to be thrown by "Go find another girl then". I said not to start a fight with "Let's break up" every time she was upset. Always threatening she could end this relationship. Every time I made a mistake she accused me of not loving. Then when I tried to call back the deeds I have done for her in the name of loving her and caring for her and she said don't be so proud of myself and turned down with those were bare-minimums. I cooked for her, wrote poems for her, took her on a trip, massaged her when she tired, explained lectures when I could be taking a break after consecutive days of exams or during exam periods juz because she didn't follow lectures. I am a senior and 2 university years older than her. I even saved her from a disastrous earthquake. I gave up everything, my passions, hobbies, pride, ego, friends and my grades. I was roll one in my batch before I met her. But no that's not enough. After 6 months of enduring, I became bitter, resentful, impatient and sensitive. She told me I changed and blamed it. I blamed her it was all the result of her disrespect, my disappointments and my frustrations. She failed to see it and blamed if I loved her I would not be selfish that way. Later she fought for reassurance but I am not the same man anymore. The patient and gentle man she once knew was gone. So I couldn't give her reassurance every time we fought. It became my problem. So her friends are like I am an as*hole for it. All my friends see my suffering and efforts and tell me I have done my duty as a good bf. But I want to be seen and told I am enough from her. Now relationship is into 1 yr and 8 months. My mind is deteriorating.

In her case, she has family issues and her dad is a cheater. And all her past 3 bfs were no good. I think she might be suffering from those traumas and inferiority complex. She can't handle conversations if context has a mild representation of her being disrespected. For example, even for a small case such as playing games, trying to warn enemies are coming but response was "Yea I know like I haven't played this game before" in a tone I don't like. For her, she might think she deserves love than I could give and ok to demand more because all my efforts are bare minimums as she is more experienced and she had suffered enough in the past. So my suffering isn't as significant as hers.

Question:

Am I not understanding enough? Should I prioritize myself before giving her reassurance when I feel I am not respected or is this juz a thing for a man in a relationship and stop whining about it? About communicating my problems with her, I had done it but ended up being me mistreating her and her crying. Her friends are saying I am wrong when my friends say I am a good bf. Are her friends saying I am wrong because she is crying and taking her side or actually am I at mistake? This is my 1st time in a relationship.