Love seems to be a taboo yet few people still love,im curious whether you people actually have a love life like normal people or do y’all avoid holding hands and kisses???if y’all do these then is there a feeling of guilt ?
Felt like i needed a place to vent so yeah here is my story…
She is the kindest person i have ever met,A good human being and she was the best and she was just unlucky to find me as her bf.
So me and her was just friends and even before me and her became friends or knew each others name,she had a thing going with a guy in same college it seems and she has told him that she is not interested in love ,so do not have hopes to him.truth is they barely were lovers but they were good friends at that time coz that was the starting period of uni..so this guy developed feelings and was relying on her too much it seems and she felt weird about that and wanted to stay away from him coz lowkey he was kind of a creep,he keeps following her to the washroom’s door and wait till she comes out and all which is very awful..she had no space at all for herself so during this time me and her became close friends like real close and we never had intentions of loving and we did not even find each other attractive at all too..so we were good.
Btw that guy she used to be friends or the shallow love thing they had for sometime is not an average looking person too,he is like very awful in looks maybe he doesn’t take care of himself it seems and at the beginning i had pitied him for his looks..also oneday i asked her how could you like /love someone like him and she said “he treats me kindly and gently so thats why i liked him maybe…” (her dad is not kind and supportive , so she is a certified man hater)
Time went,we became besties..we started sharing and it was nice and wholesome to be friends with a women..btw she was a muslim and i was always the funniest guy to her and at some-point even the staff who taught us were curious whether we were in love or not.this one staff just directly asked us “ are yall a thing?”
That that day we were like talking about this and confessed that yeah we kinda love each other coz we could talk whatever we wanted to and spam reels to each other but from my side i was a bit hesitant bcz i was not attracted to her at first maybe due to the friendship and also about her previous shallow love/friendship thingy she had with another guy.so i asked her about the past and seems like they have not even held hands together he was a good friend and good emotional support it seems…so i was ok and relieved.
So for us love came out of nowhere tbh…yet the religion thingy was there…so i know that no matter what i do Oneday she will have to leave me…
So during the period we became best-friends ,the creepy fellow started blackmailing her with suicidal threats..
It was getting worse for her coz if her family finds out these things her career is gone forever and she is a very motivated women like doing great in academics and other extra curricular too..
so here comes the the crucial part,This moment is where everything went downhill for me…basically i grew up with guys and i had zero idea of emotional availability /intelligence or being supportive..as a guy i always give a solution or just move past a problem and do not take things seriously..so one day she asked “what should i do?he is blackmailing me and what if he hurts himself?”so i was like “who even tries to commit suicide just because the girl he liked does not like her back “coz obviously all they did was chat and never even touch each other..nor went somewhere to eat..since she was very nice person he started using this guilt to blackmail her ,then she had no options so she just tries to calm him down and like try to help him out saying please focus on ur career and all,
So here i did not support her bcz I actually had no idea what to do man,bcz i did not even find this serious at all coz i could clearly see how he was using this guilt to being with her…and so now we started having problems and she felt im not there for her and all later i changed but it was too late it seems..its just im very plain and honest I don’t know how to act or lie thats my personality and if I don’t know how to help then I don’t get involved..but i told her to stop replying him and she told my advices are not applicable…so she secretly was sharing these and taking emotional support from one of my friend he was a muslim..i had no clue,later she saved my frnds contact by giving a nickname..now that started pissing me off..also every time in my friends phone her chat was on top…
And when i try to tell her this is not normal and i feel insecure she just ignores and think it was normal for her(coz she genuinely had no bad intention)but as a man i was insecure and then this became huge fight…then thats it i called her a hoe,greatest mistake of my life…
Between all these the creepy guy started going insane thinking she was her girl and tried to assault me,that creepy guy was nice person it seems,he has never hurt her even when she was hurting him by staying away from him…so my girl had a soft spot for him always..so to be in good books instead of him asking closure or crashing out to her ,he started assaulting me to be in her good books,coz my gurl felt no matter what happens he would not hurt her at all..thats the kind of impression he has created..anyways she apologized on behalf of him and all and she did care about him bcz he went crazy bcz of her..when he assaulted me I immediately gave some punches right in the faces…so he was embarrassed now,so what he did was he spread a rumor few weeks later about another guy in college saying that guy is asking girls nude and telling his group of friends that i was the one who started this rumor…imagine how cruel and evil someone should be to do such things..but thank god somehow people found out he was the one who was creating all sorts of rumors..
In general i had no ill intentions towards him,ik in someway i have affected him too but i did not purposefully do it..if someone says no ,people should accept it and still this day he thinks im the reason he lost his love..truth is that was not even love at all.they became friends because they took the same bus and when he was behaving like a creep and being too dependant on her,she was freaked out period..btw he thinks he is a some handsome looking guy and thats what infuriates me,he is genuinely awful(im sorry I don’t mean to be rude but thats the truth).
There is a difference between being a good person and being a nice person..he was just a nice person who wanted that girls attention ,thats it period.
Truth is ,he is just a pussy who can’t take a NO..
Coming back to this issue(saving contact using a nickname)
I always knew there was no issue with her and my friend,but sometimes i am possessive i don’t like when she texts some random guys like my friend (ik its wrong)even after this there were lot of fights yet we somehow found a way to find each other again coz that is love right…the way she hid that i could not accept it(she did not it purposefully ik) so every time the same old fights and also there are more layers to this story cannot type everything…
We loved a lot ,we fought a lot..
I made a flower out papers and all and yes we have kissed too,for some kiss might be nothing in a relationship but it meant everything to me coz she knew we might not have a chance together and she was very religious person too and being kissed by a hijabi is not an easy thing…it was beautiful,i still remember that day..my first ever kiss.
I wish i was a kind ,supportive person like every other male..i do try very hard to be very gentle but maybe im not gifted with good heart…only if i was calm and kind she would have been still here with me..
Now here i am having no one next to me in college to talk or make jokes..sitting alone…i just miss my bestfriend..i miss her so bad but she deserves someone better than me…